Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.[views:3137][posts:51]________________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 2:17pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Holy shit, this made my day: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless. Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago: I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company. I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl. We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully. Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity. At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri. So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it. Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically. It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready. I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared. She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?" Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper. I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately. I tell her simply, "You're screwed". Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared. I continue. "I am sterile" Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it." I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine." This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes." I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine." I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing. I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing. Epilogue - I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women. The Moral of the Story - Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret. * Location: Manhood * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 274495936 |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 2:19pm - the_reverend ""] repost |
| ________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 2:24pm - xmikex ""] That's a lot of work, and preparation for something that could have been over with in 15 minutes. "...that's what she said." |
| ___________________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 2:26pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] haha stupid bitch. |
| __________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 2:35pm - SteveOTB ""] Pwnnned. |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 2:48pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] xmikex said:That's a lot of work, and preparation for something that could have been over with in 15 minutes. "...that's what she said." Shit, if you paid for the snip, why not take the time to enjoy the (sterile) fruits of your labors? Letting a gold-digger stew? Totally worthwhile. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:10pm - HailAtWork ""] They're both assholes, him for not telling his girlfriend that he's had a vasectomy, and her for, well that's obvious...dumb bitch. The old "get knocked up to keep a man" ploy. Ha, having unprotected sex with a guy in a band, idiot, there's probably more crawling around down there than in a dumpster behind a fast food place. |
| __________________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:15pm - largefreakatzero ""] I think his long drawn-out plan was extremely sadistic and down-right mean. And I support that whole-heartedly. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:21pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""] :bow: |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:33pm - ILikeSpam ""] HailAtWork said:They're both assholes, him for not telling his girlfriend that he's had a vasectomy, and her for, well that's obvious...dumb bitch. The old "get knocked up to keep a man" ploy. Ha, having unprotected sex with a guy in a band, idiot, there's probably more crawling around down there than in a dumpster behind a fast food place. Yep both assholes, one asshole was just more full of shit than the other asshole:bartmoon::tightiewhities: |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:34pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] HailAtWork said:They're both assholes, him for not telling his girlfriend that he's had a vasectomy, and her for, well that's obvious... From the description, neither one of them ever talked about the precautions being taken, short of the fact that they were using condoms. And they were, from the sound of it, just fucking - this doesn't come across as a big hand-holding, Friends-watching relationship. He, at least, did his homework and made DAMN sure nothing was going to come of it, while she apparently never thought to ask? Although, since the aim was apparently to swindle him with somebody else's kid, I suppose she wouldn't bother. He may be an asshole, but he's apparently a responsible asshole with a keen sense of humor; as a fellow asshole, I have to tip my hat. |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:43pm - keithnli ""] enjoyable story. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:46pm - the_reverend ""] I'm in ur saq, tuggin on ya bawls [img] |
| ________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 3:54pm - xmikex ""] How are they both assholes? The guy had a vasectomy and didn't tell the girl. Big shit. I doubt she ever asked. Yeah it seems something of an unlikely situation to assume he might have been snipped, but I'm willing to bet she was so wrapped up in her own agenda she never would have thought about it. They both had their own agendas. But her's was the selfish one. She was gonna rope this guy into her life plan no matter what it meant to him. Typical broad move, treating people in her life like fashion accessories to her own. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 19,2007 9:11pm - Conservationist ""] The whore slut must burn in hell! |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 10:59am - HailAtWork ""] xmikex said:How are they both assholes? The guy had a vasectomy and didn't tell the girl. Big shit. I doubt she ever asked. So it's someone's responsibility to ask personal questions like that when entering into a sexual relationship and not the other persons responsibility to tell someone? Riiight, so by that logic if she's sterile, or if one of them has herpes or aids, it's the other's fault if they didn't ask about it first? Good luck buddy. |
| _________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:13am - xmikex ""] HailAtWork said:xmikex said:How are they both assholes? The guy had a vasectomy and didn't tell the girl. Big shit. I doubt she ever asked. So it's someone's responsibility to ask personal questions like that when entering into a sexual relationship and not the other persons responsibility to tell someone? Riiight, so by that logic if she's sterile, or if one of them has herpes or aids, it's the other's fault if they didn't ask about it first? Good luck buddy. Terrible analogy. AIDS or an STD is something that could put your sexual partner at risk, and therefore there is a responsibility to make it known. Absolutely no one is at risk if the woman is sterile, or the guy is shooting blanks. So why discuss it unless the plan (meaning here an open and agreed upon agenda between two people) is to actually have kids? And this story makes it quite clear that the guy never agreed to, discussed, or even wanted any sort of procreative agenda. Hence therefore the guy had no reason to go out of his way to tell this woman he was sterile. The only thing that was ever at risk was her own greedy plan to have a kid and extort this guy, which had she been more honest about (God forbid) she wouldn't have burned herself so bad. Although I'm sure maybe you know plenty of guys who would have a meltdown if they found out a girl they were casually fucking just for the hell of it was totally incapable of getting pregnant. The fucking horror. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:14am - largefreakatzero ""] Sterility doesn't hurt anything (besides feelings in this case). There is no comparison between that and AIDs. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:15am - DestroyYouAlot ""] HailAtWork said:So it's someone's responsibility to ask personal questions like that when entering into a sexual relationship and not the other persons responsibility to tell someone? Riiight, so by that logic if she's sterile, or if one of them has herpes or aids, it's the other's fault if they didn't ask about it first? Good luck buddy. Yeah.. Having, say, herpes? Does sorta kinda affect the other person (in an adverse way), so you're kinda supposed to tell someone something like that. Having had a vasectomy doesn't do the other person any harm UNLESS THEY'RE TRYING TO FUCKING SNEAK A BABY IN ON YOU. And, yes, by the same logic (i.e., "correct" logic), she would be perfectly ok not telling someone she's sleeping with that she's sterile, as it's not a problem (or any of their goddamn business) unless they're trying to make a freakin' baby. The moral of the story here is that she tried to make a new person for the sole reason of enslaving another person, but she fucked up, and just managed to ruin her own life (and, presumably, the baby's). Whereas the guy was Responsible Dan and didn't take any chances when it comes to, oh, I don't know, ACCIDENTALLY REPRODUCING? I tend to agree with you on things more than most people do around here (believe it or not), but on this one you're just flat out wrong. I don't know if it's just a knee-jerk response that you feel like you have to back up now, but take a look at the facts. This is not some evil double standard where we're judging this poor girl as a trollop due to her vagina ownership; she's a criminally irresponsible attempted predator, and he's a guy who covered his own ass before entering into a casual sexual relationship. Srsly. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:15am - largefreakatzero ""] Ha -- you beat me to it. Actually sterility did hurt me -- my balls were quite sore for awhile afterwards. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:16am - DestroyYouAlot ""] xmikex said:Terrible analogy. [SNIP] The fucking horror. Or, what he said. |
| _______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:17am - the_reverend ""] yeah, it's comparing one thing that possibly injures someone else with something that doesn't. That's like calling smoking in a bar a personal liberty. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:21am - DestroyYouAlot ""] the_reverend said:yeah, it's comparing one thing that possibly injures someone else with something that doesn't. That's like calling smoking in a bar a personal liberty. [img] WHOAH. Pull over, buddy, internet police. That's OT ITT! |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:27am - Niccolai ""] I really don't think the girl got what was coming to her, seeing as there are probably 3 or 4 other dudes that she sucessfully convinced were the father that are now giving her 200$ a week each. Why must all women be such whores? |
| _________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 11:30am - xmikex ""] In the words of my father after he found out one of my old CCD teachers was pregnant: "I wonder what color it's gonna be." |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 12:41pm - HailAtWork ""] xmikex said:HailAtWork said:xmikex said:How are they both assholes? The guy had a vasectomy and didn't tell the girl. Big shit. I doubt she ever asked. So it's someone's responsibility to ask personal questions like that when entering into a sexual relationship and not the other persons responsibility to tell someone? Riiight, so by that logic if she's sterile, or if one of them has herpes or aids, it's the other's fault if they didn't ask about it first? Good luck buddy. Terrible analogy. AIDS or an STD is something that could put your sexual partner at risk, and therefore there is a responsibility to make it known. Absolutely no one is at risk if the woman is sterile, or the guy is shooting blanks. So why discuss it unless the plan (meaning here an open and agreed upon agenda between two people) is to actually have kids? And this story makes it quite clear that the guy never agreed to, discussed, or even wanted any sort of procreative agenda. Hence therefore the guy had no reason to go out of his way to tell this woman he was sterile. The only thing that was ever at risk was her own greedy plan to have a kid and extort this guy, which had she been more honest about (God forbid) she wouldn't have burned herself so bad. Although I'm sure maybe you know plenty of guys who would have a meltdown if they found out a girl they were casually fucking just for the hell of it was totally incapable of getting pregnant. The fucking horror. The point is that both of them were dishonest pricks, it's definately his responsibility to tell his sexual partner about his sterility, in fact he's an idiot, if they'd both been honest and she wasn't a slut, they wouldn't have needed to use condoms at all. What if she hadn't been a whore and it became a seriuos relationship 2 years down the line, she wants children and he hasn't mentioned that he's sterile? WTF? |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 12:42pm - HailAtWork ""] I'm the last one to encourage anyone to breed, but that's fucked up. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 12:50pm - Yeti ""] you are retarded. plain and simple. there was never one thing mentioned about a serious relationship. are you pissed because you had an agenda like that, and now guys are more aware? its not dishonesty when there was nothing to be honest about in the first place. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 12:55pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] HailAtWork said:What if she hadn't been a whore and it became a seriuos relationship 2 years down the line, she wants children and he hasn't mentioned that he's sterile? WTF? You can get it reversed. And, yeah, maybe he'd be in the wrong HAD it developed into (i.e., stood any chance of being) a serious relationship - that's not the case, though. So, so far, the guy's an asshole in some hypothetical situation that didn't happen. Seriously, enough; you were wrong. There is no way to twist the story so that this is not the case. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:01pm - HailAtWork ""] Haha, you just can't admit that the guy was a scumbag too can you? Completely blind to his dishonesty because you're also a male, fucking figures. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:09pm - Yeti ""] and you're quick to crucify him because you are female. fucking figures. |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:09pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] HailAtWork said:Haha, you just can't admit that the guy was a scumbag too can you? Completely blind to his dishonesty because you're also a male, fucking figures. Haha, WHAT? No, he's "kind of a jerk." Shit like what this woman was trying to pull should result in jail time, or at the least civil penalties; she got off with mild humiliation and her nose rubbed in her own mess. Did he owe her flowers for attempting to pass off somebody else's baby as his? But, sure, I'm an awful male (P.S., I'm probably one of the most touchy-feely, sensitive pussies around when it comes to women's issues - my mother is a fucking midwife, it comes with the territory) so I'm blind to his awful patriarchal oppression. Of not falling victim to a predatory cocktrap. It's official - you're full of shit, and an idiot. I honestly thought you were just posting in an unreceptive forum, and had the courage to stand behind unpopular ideas - you've proved me wrong; you're just spouting off knee-jerk bullshit, with zero critical thinking behind it. Congratulations. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:11pm - Yeti ""] well Hail, you just got destroyed. a lot. |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:14pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] HailAtWork said:The point is that both of them were dishonest pricks, it's definately his responsibility to tell his sexual partner about his sterility, in fact he's an idiot, if they'd both been honest and she wasn't a slut, they wouldn't have needed to use condoms at all. P.S.: Newsflash - Unsafe sex between casual sexual partners is A-Ok, as long as the woman's not "a slut!" Your feminism award is in the mail. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:16pm - HailAtWork ""] Yeti said:and you're quick to crucify him because you are female. fucking figures. I was quick to mention that both of them were assholes, why you can't comprehend that he was dishonest at all here is beyond me. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:18pm - Yeti ""] there is no dishonesty if there was nothing to be honest about. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:20pm - Yeti ""] if the guy was going bareback and shooting inside of her, then there would be a reason to be honest, she might worry that she could get pregnant. this was a casual sex relationship with protection usage. without the call for procreation, there is no need to worry about anything that might hinder it. i think the guy is brilliant for shoving her life back down her throat. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:24pm - HailAtWork ""] DestroyYouAlot said:HailAtWork said:Haha, you just can't admit that the guy was a scumbag too can you? Completely blind to his dishonesty because you're also a male, fucking figures. Haha, WHAT? No, he's "kind of a jerk." Shit like what this woman was trying to pull should result in jail time, or at the least civil penalties; she got off with mild humiliation and her nose rubbed in her own mess. Did he owe her flowers for attempting to pass off somebody else's baby as his? But, sure, I'm an awful male (P.S., I'm probably one of the most touchy-feely, sensitive pussies around when it comes to women's issues - my mother is a fucking midwife, it comes with the territory) so I'm blind to his awful patriarchal oppression. Of not falling victim to a predatory cocktrap. It's official - you're full of shit, and an idiot. I honestly thought you were just posting in an unreceptive forum, and had the courage to stand behind unpopular ideas - you've proved me wrong; you're just spouting off knee-jerk bullshit, with zero critical thinking behind it. Congratulations. No, he's an asshole, and she's an even bigger asshole, which I've already mentioned earlier, someone asked why he's an asshole and I tried to explain, this isn't a fucking comparision of the 2 of them, read the goddamn posts. The guy said he was DATING her, that is not a casual sex relationship when you're bringing someone to dinner and the movies. I donno what kind of fucked up releationships you people have, but I'd expect to be told about sterility if I'm fucking someone. You're full of shit and an idiot if you think what either of them did was ok to do to someone. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 1:28pm - Yeti ""] Pantera rules. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 2:16pm - SkinSandwich ""] I don't tell bitches I had a vasectomy probably because I do not give a fuck and it is none of their business. I even got percocets out of the deal. Two good things. |
| __________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 2:52pm - largefreakatzero ""] Yeti said:Pantera rules. Hahahahaahahaha! |
| _____________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:05pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] everyone in the world is an asshole. the only reason this debate has gone on as long as it has is because it's easy to pick on hail the leaf since she makes a debate out of everything. now let's all get vasectomies/get our tubes tied and contract all the STDs that are known to man, weeee! |
| ________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:15pm - xmikex ""] HailAtWork said: it's definately his responsibility to tell his sexual partner about his sterility Based off what? The fact that you said it? That's the impression that I get considering you just put it out there without explaining why. Who do you think you are... George Bush? in fact he's an idiot Again, based off what? This had an iron clad strategy to save himself from being dragged into a miserable situation that had nothing to do with him. He had every single base covered. Who knows, maybe this guy has an IQ of 12. Maybe he works at Walmart and thinks pitted cherries means the pits are in the cherries. We'll never know. But he acted pretty smart in this situation. Gold star. if they'd both been honest and she wasn't a slut, they wouldn't have needed to use condoms at all. So now safe sex is wrong? What if she hadn't been a whore and it became a seriuos relationship 2 years down the line, she wants children and he hasn't mentioned that he's sterile? WTF? Funny thing about vasectomies.... they're not like saying something stupid on the internet.... you can take them back. If this hadn't been a trap, and it had been a real relationship (which is the exact opposite of everyting this guy has said about his intentions with this girl) and they really wanted to have kids later on here's how it could have went.... Broad: Hey let's have some kids. Guy: Yeah... I got a vasectomy. Broad: Oh really? Guy: Yeah, but I'll get it reversed. Because I want to have kids now. Broad: Ok. How about I make us some pancakes? Guy: Ya how bout u do that. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:17pm - Yeti ""] pwned. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:17pm - SkinSandwich ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:everyone in the world is an asshole. the only reason this debate has gone on as long as it has is because it's easy to pick on hail the leaf since she makes a debate out of everything. now let's all get vasectomies/get our tubes tied and contract all the STDs that are known to man, weeee! Damn right! So we do not make more HTL's. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:20pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i want pancakes. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:23pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] FYI - vasectomies are also not 100% effective. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:31pm - SkinSandwich ""] Banana pancakes mang. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 3:35pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i think my sister is making cookies right now. now i want cookies AND pancakes. why?! |
| ________________________________ [Jun 20,2007 4:03pm - xmikex ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:i think my sister is making cookies right now. now i want cookies AND pancakes. why?! Yeah well whatever you do, just make sure you tell your sister if you're gonna get a vasectomy. |