attn Jon "the penguin" from graveside[views:10283][posts:74]_________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 7:06pm - jon penguin fan ""] Are you going to star in the new batman fatboy? |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 7:37pm - GRAVESIDE RON ""] SAY THAT SHIT TO US IN PERSON FAGGOT IT WILL BE THE LAST SHIT YOU EVER SAY AGAIN. I STAND NEARLY 7 FEET TALL AND AM NOT AFRAID OF JAIL TIME. JUST LET ME KNOW IF I SHOULD START LOADING MY GUNS NOW. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 7:38pm - Boozegood ""] Hilarious samefaggery? I HOPE! |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 7:55pm - jon penguin fan ""] Ron why are you always flashing the fact that you have guns.? The last time you pulled your shotgun out in public I laughed as you got arrested and served papers. If you ever pull a gun out on me again, this time I wont take off like I did. So you better fire like you did at Sammy. |
| __________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 8:01pm - Boozegood ""] HAHA, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ALL REAL I BEG YOU PLEASE. I'd love a firefight. |
| ________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 8:42pm - fuck the irish ""] [img] |
| __________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 8:48pm - Boozegood ""] [img] Those are fucking guns. |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 8:57pm - GSS 4 LYFE ""] LEAVE GSS ALONE. THEY RULE |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 9:01pm - arilliusbm ""] Too bad our government can't supply you guys with top-of-the line guns and armor. :( |
| ________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 9:14pm - reimroc ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 10:24pm - TWILIGHT OF THE BLUNDER GOD ""] Dear /r/, I am a horrible fucking person. Today was my little sisters birthday, it is also my last day as a free man. The cops are on their way right now. As my last act before being put on death row I wish to relinquish this story onto /r/, so I can die knowing at least I gave you sick fucks some lulz. So lets start from the beginning shall we? It was a fairly normal morning. It was 1:30 when I got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom to take my meds. I'm prone to bouts of rage and sexual frustration. As I tilted my head back to down the capsules I swallowed wrong and vomited into the sink. I cursed the pills then went out to the living room. I was surprised to see ballons and party favors all over. It then occurred to me that it was my 11 year old sister Jessica's birthday. My little sisters probably having a surprise party with all her loli and shota friends after school. I'm 26 and unemployed so I'm usually home all the time. I sat down with a bowl of fritos and watched some shit on Fuse for a while. It was around 2:30 when my mother got home. "Micheal, come help me with these bags!" she yelled. I obliged since she'd just bitch me out if I didn't. After everything was inside she dropped the disappointment bomb. "Micheal, I want you to set up this stuff. You'll be running Jess's birthday today." "But mom!" I whined. "No buts," she said "I'm going to go take a nap." She was pretty lazy, even for a pregnant woman. I got in the van and drove up to the school. Jessica was standing outside with a group of 5 of her friends. All the little shits climbed into the van. They were all giggling and making immature noises. "Hey aren't you Jess's gay brother?" one laughed. All the kids giggled. "Haha, yeah fuck you kid" I snapped. "MICHEAL!" Jessica shouted. I just rolled my eyes and continued driving. One girl began singing some shitty pop song. It began to make me unbearably angry. I swerved the van violently. The kids started screaming. One boy jolted forward and slammed his head into the seat. "KYLE HIT HIS HEAD!" one girl cried out "MICHEAL, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US YOU JERK!" Jessica screamed. I don't know what came over me. As we got home the kids began crowding around the little plastic party furniture begging for food. "Alright, hold the hell on you brats!" I said angrily. I went and got the cake and set it out on the table. Grabbing my Zippo lighter from my pocket, I lit the candles. I stood back and watched as the brats began shouting for her to make a wish. As she leaned to blow them out, I spotted her pink panties coming out of her jeans. She was tempting me, that little bitch, I know she was. "BLOW IT OUT! BLOW IT OUT!" the shrill monotonous tone rang in my head. I couldn't take it anymore /r/! I ran for my room. As I came back out I had donned my viking helmet and held my battle ax mightily above my head. I was naked. The sight of my hairy genitalia swinging back and forth struck fear into the children. "FOR THOR!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed to the heavens as I charged for the table. I threw my battle ax, chopping a loli in half. Her torso frailed into the air as my battle ax wedged into a wooden bookshelf. I jumped onto one of the plastic chairs, it broke under my weight. I plunged my fist into the cake and smeared it all over my cock. The soft frosting and crumbly texture made me hard. I took a candle and rammed it down my urethra. The kids were frozen with shock. I lit the candle and pushed as hard as I could. The candle rocketed out of my cock and hit a girl in the eye. The force caused me to shit. The girl screamed wildly as her eye was burned out. Her eye socket looked like the perfect hole for my dick. I jammed my cock into her eyesocket and fucked it. She cried as her head jolted back and forth. The violent jolting snapped her neck killing her instantly. I came. The Kyle boy started to get up to run away so I grabbed a chair and cracked him in the skull. His face landed flat in my shit and he suffocated. "THE CAKE IS A LIE!" I said flapping my cock about, shaking cum in several directions. A fat little girl was waddling over to the phone to call the police. "ITS PINATA TIME!" I yelled. I grabbed the cake knife, and with my viking prowess, backstabbed the fatty. I slid the knife upwards making a slit in her back. Her fat made it like cutting through cream cheese. I reached in and grasped her spine. With all my strength I tore out her spinal cord. I wanked some little nerdy girl over the head with it. I then set it on the floor and slowly inserted it into my rectum. The ribbed feeling gave me immense pleasure. "MAY THE THUNDER GODS BLESS ME!" I exclaimed grabbing my battle ax out of the woodwork. I cut little Suzie's legs off. This made her more fuckable. Jessica vomited and passed out. I scraped up her vomit and stripped little Suzy. She was too preoccupied to resist. I smeared the barf all over her vagina. I then licked it off. The taste was god-awful. It made me throw up onto her face. She choked to death on my sick. The commotion made my mother come out. "SWEET TOASTER FUCKING JESUS!" she screamed. I ran up and FALCOOOOOOOOON PAUUUUUUNCHED her in the vagina. My arm slid all the way up to her womb. I tore the fetus out. As I pulled out a bunch of slimey goo watered out. "Hey mom want this fetus?" I asked. She was too busy violently throwing up to answer me. I raised my arm and crushed the baby in my hand. My mother was heaving blood at this point. I took the crushed fetus into the kitchen and slam-dunked it into the blender. "And now its time for cooking with Micheal!" I said like a t.v. chef. Adding an eyeball, the fat loli's liver, and Kyle's scrotum into the blender, I turned it on high. I took a sip of my smoothie. It was the most delicious culinary masterpiece in the world. I took the rest and sliding the spine out from asshole, I gave myself an enema. My sister began waking up from her concussion. As her eyes opened she awoke to the sight of my hairy asshole pointing in her face. She opened her mouth to scream, now was my time. I launched the smoothie out of my asshole along with watery, bloody shit. Her scream was muffled into a gargle. My sloppy enema shot down her throat. Her eyes were tearing up. The smell was so intense it gave her a bloody nose. I turned around and pointed my hard cock in her face. I positioned it towards her nose. With immense power I fucked her nose at full force! The blood was an awesome lubricant. The pleasure became more intense. I came buckets right up her nose. My cum went straight into her lungs, tarring them up. As she began gasping for air I looked around the bloody smeared, shit stained room. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!" I said smiling at her tear and enema covered face. She took one last gasp. I gazed happily upon her corpse. The only I regret is that I didn't take my pills today... |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:12pm - NuclearWinter ""] [img] Those are fucking guns. |
| _____________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:14pm - aril waste ""] Its really unfortunate someone didn't have the foresight to do that to you. To rip you from your mothers fetus would have saved the world some stress. They did gave the world a gift instead, the gift of a narrow minded selfish child. Now you will spend you life in your own prison that the wardens (your parents) built just for you. KILL YOURSELF.............................................................................................................................................................................BE A MAN AND KILL YOURSELF |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:21pm - goatcatalyst ""] Ugh. Quit trying to be Dead, Matt |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:24pm - Ronaldo de graveside ""] Guns dont kill people, my bare fists kill people. And whoever wrote the above story give it up you suck. There is nothing deep about killing brothers sisters or fetuses. Try kill me instead. I am massive and fully loaded as back up. I am not a bitch, if I lose a fight I will come back and kill. There is no shame in taking a life is the shitbag who is fucking with you and being a bitch deserves it. |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:24pm - NuclearWinter ""] I was huffing bird carcasses directly before that pic was taken. |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:28pm - Ronaldo de graveside ""] I attempted to knife my brother whom is heavily connected to the mob and I feared him not. He is bigger then me and older but I didnt care because I had a right to get him good for stepping on my toes. He didnt know when to shut the fuck up and stop trying to pull shit on me and I pulled a swastika knife out right on his ass. He is lucky to still be alive because my mind is like a file cabinet I forget nothing and things I don't like to hear will ring out in those long halls for a very long time. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:29pm - wowyouregay ""] that story was the most homosexual thing i have ever read. what is up with so many metal fans being faggots? like damn, dude lots of peoples mommies didnt cuddle them enough... most of us get over it and go on to not be a waste of life gay woman hating retard. am i the last normal, family having guy on here? twilightblunderblah, loser, spare us your idiotic fag literature and tell it to the cats you probab;y strangle in preparation for the big day when you get the balls to hurt some unexpecting person for real... asswipe |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:31pm - Ronaldo de graveside ""] I am a mental chess player and trust me I may act normal and hold my shit together but when the time passes I am an opportunist and mid tid skal komme. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:33pm - wowyouregay ""] undoubtedly, that person will be smaller and weaker than you |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:35pm - wowyouregay ""] which doesnt leave many victims to choose from you short smelly balding fuck |
| ________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:35pm - GEORGE ZIMMER ""] [img] HELLO, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND C.E.O. OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AS BEFITS ANY MAN OF MY SENSATIONALLY STUPENDOUS STATURE, I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF BRUSHES WITH THE LAW. I RECALL ONE AUSPICIOUS AUTUMN AFTERNOON I WAS LEAVING THE SCENE OF YET ANOTHER OF MY RIDICULOUSLY RAPTUROUS RAPE RUNS AT THE LOCAL CONVENT WHEN I WAS ACCOSTED BY A POSITIVELY PULSE-POUNDINGLY PRECOCIOUS POLICEWOMAN. ONE LOOK AT THE BUSTY BADGE-BRANDISHING BEAUTY HAD MY CONSUMMATELY COLLOSAL CROTCH CANNON THUMPING AGAINST MY PANT LEG FOR RELEASE. A TWITCH OF THE WRIST, AND MY MONSTROUSLY MIGHTY, MAGESTICALLY MANED LOIN LION ROARED FORTH AND DROVE DEEP PAST THE LUSCIOUSLY LASCIVIOUS LAW-LADY'S LABIA. AS SHE SQUIRMED AND SWAYED AT THE SOUL-SPEARING SENSATION THAT IS THE SPIRITUAL SEXPERIENCE OF ZIMMER, MY SOFA-SIZED SWEATY SEXUAL SWASHBUCKLER SPOUTED A SINFULLY SUCCULENT SPRAY OF SENSATIONALLY SLOPPY, SWEET-SMELLING SPERM SAUCE. I'VE NEVER PAID A PARKING TICKET SINCE. I GUARANTEE IT. |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:36pm - Ronaldo de graveside ""] As is most people in this world, and yet I still cheat to win and use any weapons I can find... |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:41pm - EARL DE COCK ""] I JUST SHAVED MY BUTT HOLE AND NOW IT'S BLEEDING. THERE WAS TOO MUCH HAIR IN MY BUTT AND IT FELT LIKE THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING UP THERE. I WAS SICK OF ADJUSTING IT EVER FEW MINUTES. SHAVING IT WAS FINE UNTIL THE END WHEN I NOTICED IT WAS BLEEDING IN THAT STRETCH OF SKIN WHERE MY ASS MET MY DICK. WHEN I SEEN BLOOD ON THE RAZOR I FREAKED. THEN I PUT A WASHCLOTH UP THERE THAT IS NOW SOAKED WITH BLOOD AND SHIT. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SHAVE YOUR ASS. |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:43pm - Ronaldo de graveside ""] There is no reason to hate gravesideservice so go KILL YOURSELF |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:47pm - NuclearWinter ""] Zimmer post has a lot of impressive alliterations. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 2,2011 11:47pm - STLUCIFUREVA ""] jon%20penguin%20fan said:Are you going to star in the new batman fatboy? Don't I wish I was . the money would great , but sadly no i'm starring in the next batman movie . |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 12:07am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] Passive aggressive behavior is the sign of a weak homosexual bitch. It reminds me of a bitch on the rag on you have a dick that you wish was in a mans ass. No I am not talking about nuclearwinter, but the above assholes... |
| ________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 12:09am - A FOX ""] Yes, I am a fox. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my animal soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w wolf!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I have SEX with my boyfriend. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 12:15am - wowyouregay ""] A%20FOX said:Yes, I am a fox. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my animal soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w wolf!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I have SEX with my boyfriend. ANIMALS are not fags, stupid |
| ________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 12:21am - GEORGE ZIMMER ""] [img] HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. A WEEK AND A HALF AGO IN AN ALLEY BEHIND HER WORKPLACE I THRUST MY INHUMANLY TURGID MEMBER INTO YOUR SISTER'S ANAL CAVITY. AS MY GARGANTUAN MEAT SPEAR PENETRATED HER BUTT PIPE SHE SCREAMED AND FAINTED, SMASHING HER FACE AGAINST THE HARD ASPHALT OF THE ALLEY. I FLIPPED HER OVER AND PULLED MY LOG OUT, TAKING CARE NOT TO GET BLOOD ON MY AMAZINGLY DAPPER SUIT AND THEN PROCEEDED TO FIRE MY JIZZ ROCKET ONTO HER GLASSES AND PUCKERED NIPPLES. PROMPTLY AFTER SHOVING HER IN THE TRUNK OF MY LEXUS I DROVE OFF INTO THE DARK NIGHT ONLY TO DROP HER OFF AT A REST STOP MOTEL WITH $1.50 IN CHANGE TO CALL A CAB. SHE ENDED UP TAKING A SUB HOME WHILE CALLING ME 6 TIMES ON MY CELL PHONE. WHEN I ANSWERED ALL I HEARD WAS WIMPERING AND A LOW MOAN. I GUARANTEE IT. |
| _______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 12:24am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] Hatred towards woman is an unconscious declaration of A SIGN OF HOMOSEXUALITY and obvious INSECURITY... |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 12:32am - wowyouregay ""] your girl would suck George Zimmer's jewish cock while you take it up the ass from the entire northern elite black metal vespa gang |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:02am - cartfan14 ""] Hi. If you were playing under the moniker "f@v!nOu$" on Mario Kart Wii just now, this message is for you. Look, my little sister's cousin committed suicide last night and she was just trying to let off some steam. So you, Action Replay-using fuckwad, think you're so high and mighty? With your fucking "9999" VR and your maxed out character who 'magically' reappears in an instant after falling off the course? You think you're some type of '1337 H@xX0R' with your stupid fucking username and your stupid fucking Mii's face plastered on my over 9000-year-old sister's screen? Fuck off, you stupid excuse of a human being. Yes, you just got the living shit beaten out of you on Mario Kart by a little girl's Luigi on a motorbike. You just got digitally raped by a fucking hairy Italian in a stache. You just lost 100 fucking VR, and trust me: Once I find who you are, I will personally shove pins through your retinas and have you use your tongue as my fucking toilet paper. Consider this a fucking warning. |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:03am - Randy_Marsh ""] only graveside service threatening notshaver with a knife and then taking the photo down on photobucket is REAL! |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:24am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] Cartfan, being a closet homosexual of course you would want to use my tongue as toilet paper and have my tongue on your ass. You = HOMOSEXUAL the ultimate anti life being. |
| _____________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:25am - bananaphone ""] Sublime Handstand Under Titanic Titmouse Hematoma Enema Fuckbags Urethral Cancer Kleptomania Umbral Petemoss Banana Idly Trucking Cuntflaps Heresy Eargasm Smorgasboard |
| _____________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:26am - bananaphone ""] ^ Can you solve the puzzle? |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:29am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] I am a genius didnt you know that. SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCHES... |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:29am - WhiffItGood ""] maybe gravesideron had to take down the pic of his hairy italo-goodness because it was jack off material to the increasing population of ass lickers on this site... |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:36am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] Just so you all know. I am going to talk about my intellect now. When I was a child my parents took me to brown and enlisted me in a program for gifted children. They still contact me today about different scores and test results that I take part in with their program. I am a Rhode Island registered genius. that means my IQ is over 160. There are about 3600 registered in this state. I am in the 90 percentile. So your childish puzzle is about as stupid of a challenge as it gets. I am not a fgget that sits and shows off all the facts I memorized so most would not know or be aware of my scanning. I read people to the bone, that is my game. I bank people and ideas all alike, there is no separation, it is a similar concept to that of Hawkins universal theory. Nothing should be separated or forgotten. Genius is not scanning my English writing skills, it is survival in a continuum. Nothing to do with English rules for writing that some obscure idiots created x amount of years ago. So if your about to try to break me down by pointing out my poor grammatical skills your weak and don't have an argument to prove me wrong. You are avoiding the point. KILL YOURSELF, DO IT DO IT DO IT... |
| _________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:37am - poetfag ""] There once was a man named Ron. He wished to be mafia Don. His shotgun went bang. Poor Ron never got poon-tang. His swollen asshole was so infected. From good bands he was rejected. Gravesideservice put him on the map. His impotent cock not able to fap. Ron fit right in. With his ugly friend the penguin. And they lived happily ever after. In the gayest of all homo rapture. |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:49am - GEORGE ZIMMER ""] [img] HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE NOW THIS IS THE STORY ALL ABOUT HOW EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD CAN’T RESIST MY PLOW AND I’D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE TO TALK ABOUT MY KIT YOU’LL LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS…I GUARANTEE IT IN NEW YORK CITY, BORN AND RAISED POLISHING MY PISTOL’S HOW I SPENT MY DAYS FINGERING, TINKERING, TOUCHING UP MY TOOL CLEANING IT AND MAKING ALL THE LOVELY LADIES DROOL WHEN SUPERMAN FELL FROM THE SKIES ABOVE, SAID, “I CAN PWN YOUR PURPLE-HELMETED WARRIOR OF LOVE”. SO I GAVE HIM A TASTE OF MY PILE-DRIVING PLEXUS AND REALIZED, “I SHOULD MAKE MEN’S SUITS IN TEXAS”. I HAILED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR IT HAD A STICKER THAT SAID “OBJECTS SMALLER IN MIRROR”. SAID I TO THE CABBIE “I CAN PROVE THAT WRONG!” SO I SHOWED THE GOOD SIR MY SIZEABLE SCHLONG IT VERILY WAS A SIGHT THAT HE JUST COULDN’T QUIT AND THAT’S WHEN I FIRST PROCLAIMED, “I GUARANTEE IT!” I PULLED UP TO MY MANSION WITH A TRUCK OF WOMEN AND GAVE THEM ALL A TASTE OF MY OMNIPOTENT SEMEN LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM AND KNEW I WOULD FIT AND THAT’S HOW I CAME TO SAY, “I GUARANTEE IT”. |
| _________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:51am - PENGUIN ""] My dearest Ron, I long for your touch. My throbbing member yearns for your mouth. You once said the sweetest taste was that of my manhood climaxing into the bowels of your esophagus. Oh, how I miss those hairy ape-like butt cheeks as they ever so lightly graze upon my testicles as a slumber, passionately entwined with my greatest lover. My loins ache for the delicious heaven that is your anus. Like a chocolate starfish, it sings to me after you've had too much Taco Bell. How I adore that sinful bittersweet hole! I know you feel it to, that ever burning desire for my penguinesque flesh. Text me, baby! I'm gonna anally plow you to the moon and stars tonight! Forever yours in deepest homoerotic love, The Penguin XOXOXOXOXOXO |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:53am - WhiffItGood ""] STLUCIFUREVA said: jon%20penguin%20fan said:Are you going to star in the new batman fatboy? Don't I wish I was . the money would great , but sadly no i'm starring in the next batman movie . Hmmmmm are you or aren't you? Or did you mean yes, you are in the one AFTER this one? |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 1:56am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] I will kill you with my weapon of choice. Let me find out who you are and that will be the end of you... |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 2:01am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 2:01am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] END GAME |
| _________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 2:01am - PENGUIN ""] Ronaldo%20de%20graveside said:I will kill you with my weapon of choice. Let me find out who you are and that will be the end of you... BUT I LOVE YOU!!! We are soulmates, destined to be together to the end of eternity. Please cheer up, Ron. Don't you remember that gravesideservice song we wrote after you ejaculated your sweet man pudding all over my face? I know you still smile when you remember licking it all off my face. It tasted sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo goooooooooood!!!!!! |
| ______________________________________________ [Feb 3,2011 2:02am - Ronaldo de graveside ""] THEN ALL YOUR OPINIONS DIE WITH YOU.. |