Twisted Jokes(and racist ones too)[views:13553][posts:42]______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 3:17pm - metalmatt666 ""] Q:whose fingers are green and smell like bacon A: Kermit:shocker: Q:what's black/blue and will not have sex with me? A: the little kid in my trunk Q:what's black/white/red? A:a nun on her period Q:What does Pontiac stand for? A:poor old Nigger thinks it's a Cadallac Q:What do you call a Nigger with a peg leg? A:Shit on A stick Q:What do you call a mexican getting baptized A:Bean Dip Any More?:satancross::satancross::satancross: |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 3:29pm - dread_104 ""] how do you make a 5 yr old girl cry twice? wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 3:30pm - metalmatt666 ""] Oh thats fucked up |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 3:31pm - metalmatt666 ""] daddy's milk is saltier than mommy's |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 3:32pm - KeithMutiny ""] Q: whats a black kid get for his birthday? A: your bike. Q: Why shouldn't women have licenses? A: you dont need to drive from the kitchen to the bedroom. i have more, but i dont feel like typin a lot right now |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 3:38pm - metalmatt666 ""] Q: what do you call all that useless skin around the Vagina? A: the woman Q: what did the little German boy ger for his birthday? A: an easy bake oven and a G.I. jew Q: how long does it take a black woman to shit? A: nine months |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:07pm - Dissector ""] These are the oldest jokes I have ever heard.... |
| _______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:10pm - armageddonday ""] You guys should hang out with Matt from Nefarious (the tall guitar player) he can spend an entire evening telling jokes like that. I like the one from Dread 104 the best... |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:20pm - metalmatt666 ""] when does he usually come on here? |
| ____________________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:22pm - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] I'll dig out some of my ancient jokes Q. Whats the difference between a pizza and a decapitated 12-year old? A. I don't have a pizza in my trash compactor Q: What is hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in the middle?<BR> A: Coconut Q. How to make love to a fat chick? A. Flip thru the folds till you smell shit and go back one Q. What's the worst thing about having sex with 5-year-olds? A. You have to kill them after you're done. A. Getting the blood out of your clown suit A. Getting the diaper back on A. Hearing the hip crack. I used to be a necrophiliac until some rotten cunt split on me. Q. What's the best thing about fucking a 5 year old girl? A. Turn her over and pretend she' s a five year old boy. Q. What are the two worst things about John Kerry? A. His face. Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend is on steroids? A. If she holds you down and fucks you up the ass with her clit. |
| _______________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:27pm - armageddonday ""] metalmatt666 said:when does he usually come on here? He never does, but you have to meet the guy, you'll be in for a treat for a full night. |
| ____________________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:47pm - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either. A Polish family is sitting in the living room. The wife turns to the husband and says, "Let's send the kids out to P-L-A-Y so we can fuck. Q. What's every queer's fantasy? A. Running backwards in a corn field. Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1) Hold down the shift key. 2) Hit the 4 key four times. Q. Did you hear about the three gay guys who attacked a woman? A. Two held her down while the other did her hair. Q. What file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A. A Pedophile. Q. What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom? A. Lean over and say, "Nice dick." Q: What has 9 arms and sucks? A: Def Lepoard. Q: A blonde, brunette and a redhead are in the 3rd grade. Which one has the biggest tits? A: The blonde, she's 19 Q. Why do German shower heads have eleven holes? A. Because Jews only have 10 fingers. Q. What'd the pedophile say when he got out of jail? A. I feel like a kid again. Q. Why do Japeneese people have slanted eyes? A. They're still squinting from the flash. Q. Whats the definition of disgusting? A. Stuffing a dozen oysters into your granny's cunt and sucking out thirteen. Q. Did you hear about the Jewish cheerleader? A. She wanted her quarterback. Q. What's better than fucking a 5 year old Korean boy. A. Nothing. Q. How do you fit 12 jews in a compact car? A. 2 in the front, 3 in the back and the rest in the ash tray. Q. Did you hear the joke they're not telling to assholes? A. Q. How do make a six year old boy cry twice? A. Wipe the blood off his ass with his teddy bear. Q. Why did Metallica cut their hair off? A. Their barber told them it was the only way to get the matted cum out of it. Q. Why do pedophiles love Halloween so much? A. Free delivery. Q. Did you hear about the new Texas version of "Survivor"? A. You have to drive from San Antonio to Tyler with a bumper sticker that says "I'm black, I'm a queer...and I'm here to take your guns". First one to arrive back safely is the winner. |
| ____________________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:53pm - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] Q. What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl? A. Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum Q. What's red and white and wears a funny hat? A. The Pope, with an axe in his face. Q. What's brown and tastes like applesauce? A. Baby shit. Q. What's the difference between a retarded child and a fucking freak. A. Political correctness. Q. What's worse than eating your grandmother's pussy? A. Banging your head on the coffin lid. Q. What is the best thing that could ever come out of the middle-east? A. Radio-active fallout. Q. What do you say to a Pakistani in uniform? A. I'll have a grape Big Gulp please.... Q. why are the streets of paris lined with trees? A. so the german soldiers can march in the shade. Q. why did the french loose the Battle of Waterloo? A. because they're french Q. why does france smell so bad? A. because the french spend so much time with their hands up. Q. When is it appropriate to spit in an Italian woman's face? A. When her mustache is on fire. Q. what's the greatest thing about having a woman for president? A. We wouldn't have to pay her as much. Q: What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? A: A four-year old locked in my trunk. Q. What's the hardest part of rollerblading? A. Telling your dad you're gay. Q. How do you circumsize a hillbilly? A. Kick his sister in the chin Q: What's green, and has 12 tits? A: A garbage bag at a breast cancer clinic. Q. Whaddaya get when you pull six feet of razor wire out of a little boy's ass? A. Hard. Q. What's the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds? A. There's twenty of them. Q. How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb. A. None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it. |
| ____________________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 4:56pm - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] dead baby jokes Q: What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? A: You can't fuck a rock. Q: What do you get when you light a dead baby on fire and kick it down a flight of stairs? A: An erection. Q. Why do you put a baby in a food processor feet first? A. To see the expression on it's face. Q: Why couldn't the baby turn around in the hall? A: Because it had a javelin stuck through its head. Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence? A: Ripping it back off. Q: What's red and goes around and around? A: A baby in a garbage disposal! Q: What is blue and gooey and crawls up a woman's leg? A: A homesick abortion. Q: What's red and white, and goes at speeds up to 40MPH? A: A baby in a blender. Q: What's pink and spits? A: A baby in a frying pan. Q: What's red and screams? A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt. Q: What's easier to load on a truck: babies or bricks? A: Babies... you can use a pitchfork! Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles? A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet. Q: What is pink and red and silver and bumps into walls? A: A baby with forks in its eyes. Q: What is pink and red and gurgles? A: A baby munching on razor blades. Q: What's blue and sits in a corner? A: A baby with a plastic bag over its head! Q: What is brown, bubbly and scratches at the window? A: A baby in a microwave. Q: How do you cross an auditorium full of babies? A: With a snow blower. Q: What's red and hangs in trees? A: A baby that has been hit by a snowblower. Q: How do you load a pile of dead babies on a truck? A: Pitchforks. Q: How do you load a pile of LIVE babies on a truck? A: Pitchforks. Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: 3/4 glass ginger ale, two scoops of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby. Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing? A: Tying them to your tires and skidding. Q: Why does the husband always bring boiling water at a birth? A: In case the baby dies, he can make soup. Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road? A: He was stapled to the chicken. Q: What's red and hangs from the ceiling? A: A baby on a meathook. Q: Why do babies have a weak spot in the top of their skulls? A: So if there's a fire in the hospital, the nurses can carry them out six at a time. Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car? A: Getting it out of the tires. Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel? A: You can put a bagel in the toaster... You have to put the baby in the oven. Q. What is funnier than a dead baby? A. A dead baby in a clown suit. |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 5:02pm - BestialOnslaught ""] menstrual_sweatpants_disco said:Q. What's the hardest part of rollerblading? A. Telling your dad you're gay. Ahahaha! |
| ____________________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 5:02pm - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] what list would be complete without nayger jokes??? Q What would you call the Flintstones if they were black? A Niggers. Q. What do black men say during foreplay? A. "If you scream, Bitch, I'll kill you!" Q. What do steroids and the KKK have in common? A. They both make blacks run real fast. Q. Why were there no blacks in the cartoon "The Flintstones"? A. Because they were still monkeys at the time. Q. Why do white people go to black people's yard sales? A. To get their shit back of course!! Q. Why don't blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A. "Kentucky Fried Chicken" isn't open on holidays Q. Why was the wheelbarrow invented? A. To teach blacks to walk on their hind legs. Q. What do you call a black man in Harvard University? A. The janitor Q. How does a black get into an honest business? A. Usually through the skylight. Q. What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A. The pizza can feed a family of four. Q. Why are pussy and blacks alike? A. Because they both have kinky hair, big lips, and smell 1 hour after washing.. Q What is a black birth certificate? A. A refund letter from a condom company. Q. How do you get a black kid to take a shower? A. Open a fire hydrant, and start selling crack on the other side. Q. What should you say if your TV is floating across your bedroom in the middle of the night? A. "Drop it nigger!" Q. What do you call one black man in a crowd of white people? A. Maine. Q: What's got 100 balls and fucks blacks? A: A 12 guauge shotgun. Q. Do you know why blacks hate asprin? A. You have to WORK to break the seal. A. You have to pick through cotton to get to the pills. Q. Why was the little black boy sitting in the corner crying? A. He had diarhea and he thought be was melting. Q. What's worse than dying of cancer? A. Being black and dying of cancer. Q. Whats the difference between a black person and a pothole? A. You don't wanna hit the pothole. Q. Why is there only two palbearers at a nigger's funeral? A. Because their is only two handles on a garbage can! Q. Why do niggers carry shit in their wallet? A. Identification Q. Why do niggers wear wide brimmed hats? A. So birds won't shit on their lips Q. Why do niggers smell so bad? A. So blind people can hate them too Q. Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time? A. He doesn't know he's black Q. Why can't Stevie Wonder read? A. He's black Q. How do you get a nigger down from a tree? A. Cut the rope Q. What's the difference between a deer in the road and a nigger in the road? A. The deer has skid marks in front of it Q. Why are niggers so strong? A. T.V.'s are getting heavier Q. Why are niggers so fast? A. All slow ones are in jail Q. How do you stop a nigger from drowning? A. Take your foot off his head Q. What is the difference between batman and a black man? A. Batman can go out at night without robin Q. What's the definition of mass confusion? A. Father's Day in Harlem Q. Why shouldn't you hit a nigger riding a bike? A. Because the bike is probably yours Q. What do black kids get for Christmas? A. Your bike Q. What is long and hard on a nigger? A. First Grade Q. Why do niggers have red eyes after having sex ? A. Because of the pepper spray Q. What's the difference between a nigger and a bike? A. When you put chains on a bike it doesn't start singing Q. What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A. A good start Q. Why are the trees in harlem so close together? A. Public transportation Q. What's long and black? A. The unemployment line Q. What do black people give their daughter when she turns 13? A. A baby shower Q. What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a nigger? A. A dumb gorilla Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a nigger? A. Nothing, monkeys are too smart to fuck niggers Q. What do niggers and sperm have in common? A. Only one in two million work Q. Why do niggers always have sex on their minds? A. Because of the pubic hair on their heads. Q. How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers? A. He promised to create jobs for them if elected. Q. What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree? A. A gorilla shit in his face Q. Remember the black guy on The Jetsons??? A. No?? Now doesn't the future look bright? Q. Three niggers are in a car. Who's driving? A. The cop Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance? A. 144 niggers. Q. Why do police dogs lick their asses? A. To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth. Q. How do you stop a nigger from going out? A. Pour more gas on him. Q. How does a black woman fight crime? A. She has an abortion. Q. What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person? A. Neighbor. |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 6:14pm - KeithMutiny ""] im sorry.... i think i just burst and artery... HAHAHAHAHA |
| __________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 6:43pm - Kalopsia ""] oh man those black jokes are great |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 7:03pm - intricateprocess ""] Q. What's the hardest part of rollerblading? A. Telling your dad you're gay. that is the best thing ive ever heard |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 7:06pm - Jellyfish ""] Q. why does helen keller play piano with one hand? A. so she can sing with the other. |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 7:11pm - DaveFromTheGrave ""] I shoulda told my slayer story in this thread |
| __________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 7:22pm - Kalopsia ""] Q. how did helen keller's mother punish her? A. re-arrange the furniture |
| ________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 7:23pm - assuck ""] Q. Why do Japenese people have slanted eyes? A. They're still squinting from the flash. best joke ive heard in a long ass time |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 16,2004 8:50pm - josiah_the_black ""] Q: why is stevie wonder always smiling? A: he doesnt know he's black |
| _______________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 1:40am - Joe/NotCommon ""] Q. When is it appropriate to spit in an Italian woman's face? A. When her mustache is on fire. HAHAHA so true |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 9:18am - Josh_Martin ""] Q. What do you say to a black jew? A. Get to the back of the oven! |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 10:12am - powerkok ""] A guy is walking thru the woods with a kid. a while goes by and the kid starts crying. the guy says "why are you crying?" the kids says, " well, its cold, and im hungry, and tired" the guy say..."pff, what about me?, I have to walk out of here alone!" |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 10:14am - powerkok ""] what do you get when you hang a 12 year old up and evicerate her guts onto the floor? a boner. |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 10:15am - powerkok ""] whats the best part about fucking a 12 year old in the shower? when you slick their hair back, they look 9. |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 10:17am - powerkok ""] whats the best part about fucking twentysix year olds? theres 20 of them. |
| ________________________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 1:10pm - humanbonedeathmachine ""] what do you call an ethiopian thats taking a shit? A. a showoff |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 1:59pm - crotchjuice ""] whats the difference between a '57 chevy and a pile of dead babies? i dont have a chevy in my garage. |
| ____________________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 3:51pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] Q. Why do police dogs lick their asses? A. To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth. haha, i love that one |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 4:04pm - swamplorddvm ""] Hey I have a good joke... http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseactio...ndID=5512115&Mytoken=20041117130227 |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 4:28pm - Christraper ""] Q. Why did Helen Keller's dog kill kill himself? A. You would too if your name was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 17,2004 4:29pm - swamplorddvm ""] hahaha it's even funnier when typed. |
| ____________________________________________________ [Nov 25,2004 1:40pm - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] Q. What's the difference between a clown and a dead 9-year old? A. I've never fucked a clown before. Q. What's the difference between ice cream and an aborted fetus? A. Ice cream doesn't taste good with ketchup. |
| ___________________________________ [Dec 5,2005 2:06pm - anonymous ""] you basterds ill kill you:shocked: |
| ________________________________________________ [Dec 5,2005 2:20pm - ocean full of conifers ""] Q: Why was whiskey invented? A: To make sure the Irish never gained world power. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 5,2005 3:19pm - Anonymousity ""] You mean, "Ill Kill you ya Bastard" by Sadistik Exekution Josh martins black jew joke was the best! |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 5,2005 3:21pm - Anonymousity ""] Spirits are coming.... |
| ____________________________ [Dec 5,2005 3:27pm - pam ""] damn I had a black jew one and I got beat to it. that myspace dude is something special. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 5,2005 5:43pm - SickSickSicks ""] these are old but funny: Q: What did Jesus say to all the MExicans before he Died? A: "Dont do ANYTHING untill I get back!" Q: Why do Jews love whatching porno in reverse? A: They love the part when the hooker gives the money back! A rabbi and a priest are sitting on a park bench whatching some children play. The priest points to one and says to the rabbi: "hey, wouldnt you love to screw that kid??" the rabbi shrugs and says: "eh, out of what?" |