The gods told me to stay home yesterday so thats what i did.[views:7430][posts:44]_____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:14am - Christraper ""] What a wierd fuckin weekend!!!!! Jesus fuck dude! Rather embarrassing but ill tell you anyways because if this shit happened to anyone other than me id think it was fuckin hilarious. So to start off saturday afternoon im in the bathroom performing my usual male grooming ritual and i happened to notice i was starting to grow a wooly mamoth down there and was in desperate need of a trimming. (SHUT UP I KNOW ALL YOU GUYS GIVE YOUR JUNK A HAIRCUT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE! AT LEAST I DONT SHAVE!!!!) Well as we all know this occured on a day that ends with "y" so of course i was stoned when i proceeded to trim the hedges and Im sure you can all see where this is going so ill just say it. I CUT MY BALLSACK OPEN WITH THE SCISSORS! Holy shit that hurt!! And not two seconds before i did it i was thinking to myself "Wow jay you almost cut your ballsack open there. You should be more careful. Maybe next time you shouldnt smoke before OW OH MY GOD!!! DID I REALLY JUST...OH SHIT!!!!! NO STOP BLEEDING!!! FUCK!!!! OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So its not like by nuts were hanging out of my sack but theres was definitely an open hole in it all weekend. Im not deformed or anything. Everything still works and it seems to be healing nicely but holy shit that really sucked!! So monday rolls around and i go outside to warm up my car before leaving and i ended up locking my keys in the car with the engine running. Then i realize very soon afterwards that i locked my self out of the house because my house keys were with my car keys. So after waiting 2 hours outside first thing in the morning for AAA to get there i decided that i was NOT going drive an hour to work even though i wouldnt have been able to anyways since my gas ran out while i was waiting for AAA. So i stayed home and got retarded. A few hours after my roomates get home i get a call on the phone from someone who claims to be with the Providence Police Dept. This guy tells me that someone has filed a sexual harrassment charge againt my cell phone number and that i need to come down and fill out a report. The only people i call on my phone are the guys in my band and my girlfriend and im pretty sure none of them are going to charge me with sexual harrassment. So i asked my roomate to give me a ride to the police station because by then i was in no condition to drive. When i got there the lady at the information desk had no idea what i was talking about, never heard of the guy who called me, and wasnt very eager to help me find out if someone wanted to see me. So i dont know whats up with that. And my nuts still hurt. :thescream: |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:21am - the_reverend ""] ahahaha |
| ________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:25am - Abbath ""] wow that was such a sweet story |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:28am - paganmegan ""] thats one candid account right there |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:29am - paganmegan ""] I stubbed my toe really hard over the weekend and threatened to kill my roomate because the little bitch hairdresser was complaining about something and I was turning red with pain but that doesn't top this story by any means |
| ________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:33am - assuck ""] at least your nuts didnt plop out, forcing you to stuff em back in that would suck |
| _____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:38am - Christraper ""] Yea im really glad i didnt try it while i was tripping or something. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:46am - succubus ""] triple A took 2 hours...usually it's 1 |
| _____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 11:47am - Christraper ""] succubus said:triple A took 2 hours...usually it's 1 apparently i wasnt the only one having a shitty day |
| ________________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 12:29pm - Josh_hates_you ""] you voluntarily went to the police station? what a retard. |
| ________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 12:50pm - assuck ""] well if i was being accused of sexual harassment, i'd wanna find out what was going on as soon as possible, especially if i was fucked up, cause i'd get all vigilant about it and be like "I ONLY SNIFFED HER HAIR ONCE, I SWEAR!" |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 1:08pm - Christraper ""] I really have no idea who would press charges against me and the guy was like "im not able to give that information over the phone" or something so of course i went down. I already went down once so fuck it. If it was real and they need to see me they can go lookin for me. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 1:19pm - armageddonday ""] Did you get a blowjob? |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 1:21pm - Christraper ""] no. i got laid but no blowjob for christraper. |
| _________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 3:14pm - ram_girl ""] Christraper said:no. i got laid but no blowjob for christraper. Then thats why you had a bad weekend.....why be trimming it, if no one is going to be wading through it! You know you should try some of those trimmers instead of scissors, they work wonders! |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 3:35pm - Christraper ""] ram_girl said:Then thats why you had a bad weekend.....why be trimming it, if no one is going to be wading through it! You know you should try some of those trimmers instead of scissors, they work wonders! Hahaha! Yea doll thats exactly why i had a bad weekend! It had absolutely nothing to do with the hole in my nutsack. And i still trim it because id prefer not to look like a walk-in from Quest For Fire whenever i take off my clothes. I do have a trimmer but the batteries had run out that day because my fuckin roomate unplugged it. |
| _________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 3:55pm - ram_girl ""] Christraper said:<< id prefer not to look like a walk-in from Quest For Fire whenever i take off my clothes HAHAHA....thats awesome. I only mentioned the trimmers because I was looking out for ya. Don't want you walking around with deflated nuts, you know! |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:00pm - Christraper ""] ram_girl said:Don't want you walking around with deflated nuts, you know! Indeed. Thats no way to go through life. I enjoy my nuts and use them frequently. :krusty: |
| _________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:11pm - ram_girl ""] If you use them frequently, then you are a lucky man! |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:13pm - Christraper ""] I suppose....its better than NOT getting laid..... |
| _________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:21pm - ram_girl ""] See, now your being optimistic.......must be those 80's power ballads! |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:39pm - Christraper ""] Yea like "On Your Knees" by WASP |
| _________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:41pm - ram_girl ""] Blackie Lawless, sings it like it is!!! |
| _________________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:44pm - BestialOnslaught ""] 2 words... Mach 3. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:47pm - Christraper ""] im not gonna shave my balls dude. itd look too wierd. id have to shave my legs and chest and then i really would look like a girl. not gonna happen. |
| _________________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:48pm - BestialOnslaught ""] Well, even with an electric razor/trimmer on the balls, you still risk cuts, so Mach 3 is really the only safe way (and even then you gotta still be delicate). |
| _____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 4:50pm - swamplorddvm ""] Hey man, I trim down there. |
| _________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 5:12pm - ram_girl ""] swamplorddvm said:Hey man, I trim down there. Which do you prefer the airstrip or the triangle when you trim? |
| _____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 5:13pm - swamplorddvm ""] I have a heart shape. It's pretty. |
| _________________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 5:47pm - josiah_the_black ""] whats pubes? |
| ________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 6:09pm - pisscup ""] No you have me wondering if I should be doing a bit of trimming myself. I need a mirror. |
| _____________________________ [Dec 7,2004 8:12pm - nick ""] if i cut my bag open i would drop out of college. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 7,2004 9:32pm - Robdeadskin ""] your life is almost no different than mine...did you ever see my threads on my countless insanity?? |
| _______________________________ [Feb 19,2006 2:41pm - eddie ""] its been two year, i think this thread should come back |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 3:04pm - the_reverend ""] yeah, I love this story. |
| ______________________________ [Feb 19,2006 3:16pm - CNV ""] Man, this thread is making me want to call people and tell them they have to come down to the station for sexual harassment charges hehe |
| _____________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 7:02pm - christraper ""] ive managed to be more careful these days |
| _____________________________ [Feb 19,2006 7:38pm - pam ""] I just figured out this was two years old, I was about to call Jay and tell him it was me that was pressing charges. |
| ___________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 8:35pm - DJ Death ""] Be a man, shave all of it off! Pubic hair is gay. |
| ________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 9:36pm - Ryan_M ""] DJ Death said:Pubic hair is gay. hahaha words of wisdom dude, words of wisdom |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 10:01pm - christraper ""] DJ Death said:Be a man, shave all of it off! Pubic hair is gay. dude if i had that much trouble trimming it imagine what id do if i tried to shave it |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 10:12pm - the_reverend ""] and that's the day when christrapper is renamed chris one ball trapper. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 10:16pm - christraper ""] hell yea |
| _____________________________________ [Feb 19,2006 10:23pm - GodlessRob ""] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA I cut my shit with some electric clippers one time ARARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 20,2006 12:42am - NickReddy ""] i dreamt i shaved a giant exclamation point into my back hair. then thought about chickchickchick pubes. |