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"Is Your Child Goth?" kinda funny e-mail i just got

[views:3472][posts:42]
 _______________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 1:28pm - DomesticTerror ""]
This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church

 _______________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 1:29pm - DomesticTerror ""]
How does death involve satan? apparently no one should ever die...

 _______________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 1:31pm - DomesticTerror ""]
or be bored. or have interest in sex. or eat count chocula
 ______________________________
[Jul 4,2005 1:55pm - timma ""]
DomesticTerror said:
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Expresses an interest in sex.



 _____________________________
[Jul 4,2005 2:33pm - Lamp ""]
I can't decide which one of those is the funniest, the constantly wanting time alone to talk to evil spirits, the Count Dracula cereal thing, their idea of wholesome activities, or...

You know what? Hell, they're all ridiculously funny.
 __________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 2:56pm - Dissector ""]
I want to get a pin that says "I'm So Gothic"

And one of the warning signs to see if your child is gothic is if he or she claims to be gothic. Haha that's a little more than just a warning sign.
 ____________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 3:05pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Boo Berry is pure evil!
 _______________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 3:06pm - DomesticTerror ""]
that's why they got rid of it
 _______________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 3:08pm - DomesticTerror ""]
personally, i've always felt that Smurfberry Crunch was a blatant attempt at converting american children to Communism.
 ________________________________________
[Jul 4,2005 6:59pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
this reminds me of all those crazy, ignorant slogans they put in front of churches now such as "fear of the lord is wisdom"...i feel like pulling a varg
 _______________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 1:40pm - tsectpathogen  ""]
That would basically be implying that every teenager is a goth...and I highly resent that, since i am in fact no where near a goth.
 ______________________________
[Jul 5,2005 1:47pm - jesus ""]
woe is me
 _________________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 2:24pm - largefreakatzero ""]
Just for the record, it's Count Chocula cereal. And eating it is pure kvlt.
 _________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 2:36pm - Ma_Dukes ""]
I dont think that i have ever heard someone refer to hinduism or buddhism as a "dangerous cult religion" all those damn monks killing people cause they think that their religon is the only way to salvation. are catholics seriously calling out OTHER religons for being cultlike?????
 _________________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 2:44pm - largefreakatzero ""]
Actually they do have some good advice:

"Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY."
 _________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 2:45pm - Ma_Dukes ""]
okay ...i agree with that one, but that is all.
 _________________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 4:18pm - IntricateProcess ""]
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.



haha wtf

that list is wrong on so many levels
 _______________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 5:21pm - DomesticTerror ""]
so mote it be...
 _____________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 6:10pm - swamplorddvm ""]
Remember this kid? http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea...ndID=2612175&Mytoken=20050705150920
 _____________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 6:11pm - swamplorddvm ""]
oops.
 _____________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 6:17pm - swamplorddvm ""]
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.

various OTHER Satanic symbols. The "Ankh" is not frigging Stanaic.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

Hahaha, "woe is me". Who ever came up with this list is not very with it.
 _____________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 6:28pm - swamplorddvm ""]
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

There was plenty of that going on last night!
 __________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 8:18pm - eddienli  ""]
i hate goths. I also hate born agains. maybe the two groups will have a war and kill each other off
 _______________________________________
[Jul 5,2005 8:39pm - Distrust-Kevin ""]
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. -



band t-shirts. wow. is that ANY band i wonder? I also like the "and/or"
 _____________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:13am - Lamp ""]
If there was a band called Jesus Saves and they made shirts and I wore one, would I suddenly be goth?

According to this, fuck yes.
 _______________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:24am - retzam ""]
"-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism."

That's one of my favorites.

Hahaha, this is hilarious.
 ___________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 2:34am - anonymous  ""]
all of that sounds like the kids in bloodstruck
 ________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 9:47am - DreamingInExile ""]
swamplorddvm said:various OTHER Satanic symbols. The "Ankh" is not frigging Stanaic.


yes, but according to "Christianity"(and all it's gayness), any symbol that depicts something other then a cross or crucifix is a pagan symbol.

Star of David = Pagan
Pentacle = Pagan
Pentagram = Pagan
Thor's Hammer = Pagan
-insert other symbol here- = Pagan

Christians are to stuck in their own ways to understand that other points of view are also correct.

:gun:
 ____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 11:38am - babyshaker ""]
it does sound like us in bloodstruck huh...this explains my insatiable lust for count chocula cereal and or my gigantic marylin manson collection...
 _____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:07pm - sacreligion ""]
we need to get atreyu together and have an intervention immediately!
 ___________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:10pm - eddienli  ""]
anonymous said:all of that sounds like the kids in bloodstruck


and your an anonymous pussy, i guess thats you guys even.
 _________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:50pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.

apparently im real bad...i've been to nero a couple times *eesh*
 _________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:51pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates

oh god...now im really fucked
 _________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:51pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.

well...thats five...time to intervene
 _____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:57pm - Robdeadskin ""]
violently shakes head to music...well im fucking doomed.

this is the stupidist thing i have ever read besides the satanic pamphlet i got in salem a few years back.
 _____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 12:59pm - Robdeadskin ""]
who ever wrote that has to check themselves in a local mental center.
 ________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:03pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
there's gonna be a civil war of christians vs. metalheads

maybe that crazy john titor character was right even though he is probably fake
 _____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:05pm - swamplorddvm ""]
DreamingInExile said:swamplorddvm said:various OTHER Satanic symbols. The "Ankh" is not frigging Stanaic.


yes, but according to "Christianity"(and all it's gayness), any symbol that depicts something other then a cross or crucifix is a pagan symbol.

Star of David = Pagan
Pentacle = Pagan
Pentagram = Pagan
Thor's Hammer = Pagan
-insert other symbol here- = Pagan

Christians are to stuck in their own ways to understand that other points of view are also correct.

:gun:





The star a david is pagan???
 ________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:06pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
according to christians apparently...you could worship the sun by itself and they'd call you a pagan
 ____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:08pm - Robdeadskin ""]
good thing i wasnt raised by the fuckstumps...i would have a lot of build up in my sack if i couldnt wax one off.
 ________________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:09pm - SacreligionNLI  ""]
don't worry man i totally understand buildup in the sac
 _____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:17pm - Jesus_Slaves ""]
those responsible for sac-ing the people who have just been sac-ed, have been sac-ed
 _____________________________________
[Jul 6,2005 1:20pm - swamplorddvm ""]
[img]

Take THAT jesus!!!


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