god do i hate shitting at work[views:54014][posts:182]_______________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:21am - the_reverend ""] i go to shit and im in line for the big stall, empty bathroom. then the firealarm goes off. over and over for a few seconds. i retreat to my cube. and email goes out about them testing the sprinlers. so i go back to the bathroom. ok, the big stall is taken, but the 2 small stalls arent. i take the end stall and sit down. immediately some dude busts in and sits down beside me. ruining what would have been an epic shit. |
| ___________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:26am - sinistas ""] I hate hate hate hate workplace shitting. |
| _______________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:32am - Yeti ""] i am with you both, shitting is a very personal thing. i'll never get used to shitting when someone is around, regardless of the partitions between. |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:37am - DestroyYouAlot ""] I don't give a fuck. When it comes to making poops, I'm the alpha male, always. I enforce strict bathroom dominance over all lesser shitters. I have engaged in many a gnarly crap-off, and emerged the victor every time. |
| ______________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:39am - mOe ""] eh, I just make sure that I got to the single person bathroom |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:40am - DestroyYouAlot ""] As a matter of fact, I'll be right back. |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:40am - the_reverend ""] there aren't any here. |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:50am - DestroyYouAlot ""] Haha! Just ran off another pretender to the throne. Literally within ten seconds of the first note of my rectal symphony, he was pants up, hands washed and out of there. Victory! I like to make sure my ID badge is showing under the partition, so they know who shamed them. |
| _______________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:54am - Mess ""] yar it sucks bad... especially when you have a hot barely legal broad sitting in the cube closest to the shitter |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:58am - DestroyYouAlot ""] Haha... At brad weymouth and my former place of employment, there were two bathrooms. If the warehouse shitter was occupied, the remaining choice was smack dab in the middle of the sales office. It had one of those ultra-thin panel doors that just acts like a sounding board for any noise you make while ripping one out, and there were like three people with desks literally five feet away from the door. I definitely ruined a few lunches, there. |
| ___________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 11:11am - succubus ""] hahah well just go an sit and wait until whoever leaves...then release... |
| _______________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 11:12am - the_reverend ""] unless I'm going to play tetris, I only go when it's the last minute. |
| _______________________________ [Aug 21,2007 11:14am - Mess ""] or you can train your asshole to spray at a time that best suites you? |
| _____________________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 11:54am - menstrual_sweatpants_disco ""] Mess said:yar it sucks bad... especially when you have a hot barely legal broad sitting in the cube closest to the shitter Legal? What the fuck do you want with her then? |
| __________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 12:03pm - metal_church101 ""] Mark your territory in the shitter with pride. If you have a guy next to you trying to out do you, step it up dueling banjo style like in the Family Guy when Peter Griffin took on Michael Moore. |
| _____________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 12:53pm - immortal13 ""] I can't shit in a public bathroom if someone else is in there. A good shit is a private shit, cuz then you can take all the time and be as loud as you need. "You know that feeling when you take a huge dump...? Awesome." |
| ___________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 1:06pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] i'll shit anywhere. no worries. |
| ________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 2:20pm - tylerl ""] i love shitting at work, on the clock getting paid to shit! |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 5:53pm - trampletheweak ""] i love shitting in general |
| ______________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:42pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] I love shitting anywhere that isn't my house, provided that the stall door actually closes and there is toilet paper. I don't like terrorizing my own house and ravaging the toilet paper supply when I could ruin someone else's commode and steal their 2-ply. I especially love the day that I gave a movie theatre bathroom the most grueling death penalty ever manifested by a human being, and ruined whoever's day that walked in after I punished the porcelain. |
| ___________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 10:46pm - Aegathis ""] Mess said:or you can train your asshole to spray at a time that best suites you? "Bad Asshole! Bad!" |
| ___________________________________________ [Aug 21,2007 11:33pm - DaveFromTheGrave ""] I once took a shit that stank so bad, some dude left the building, got in his car, and drove away. We didn't see him again for 3 days. it's great if you want privacy, nobody will come near when you drop turds that burn through the porcelain. |
| _________________________________ [Aug 22,2007 12:38am - NIGGER ""] WORK? HAHAHA |
| _________________________________ [Aug 22,2007 9:11am - soloman ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:I love shitting anywhere that isn't my house, provided that the stall door actually closes and there is toilet paper. I don't like terrorizing my own house and ravaging the toilet paper supply when I could ruin someone else's commode and steal their 2-ply. I especially love the day that I gave a movie theatre bathroom the most grueling death penalty ever manifested by a human being, and ruined whoever's day that walked in after I punished the porcelain. Haha. When I was in college, it was of unfortunate circumstance that the bathroom stalls in the main library all had their doors ripped out. Why was it like this? No one knew. But during study binges, there were times when I got the some serious movement comin along... so yeah I've been known to shit in a completely open stall. People would walk in, I would tap the floor, they would know to stay back. |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 23,2007 10:52am - DestroyYouAlot ""] Last night's Taco Bell + this morning's large iced coffee = [img] It was a genuine three-flusher, I shit you not. (SHIT, LOL!) |
| _________________________________ [Aug 23,2007 11:34am - tylerl ""] coffee ALWAYS makes me shit |
| ___________________________________________ [Aug 23,2007 11:38am - thegreatspaldino ""] DestroyYouAlot said:Last night's Taco Bell + this morning's large iced coffee = [img] It was a genuine three-flusher, I shit you not. (SHIT, LOL!) ohhhhhhhhhh man i was genuinely disgusted by this pic... then i read your description and almost hurled. |
| __________________________________________ [Aug 23,2007 12:03pm - metal_church101 ""] I had to take my ritual shit after drinking 2 cups of coffee today. So I am in the stall and a guy sits in the stall yesterday. I am trying to keep it quiet and then he starts ripping away. Of course I had to show him who was boss and let loose. Needless to say, I won. |
| _________________________________________ [Aug 23,2007 12:10pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] This man showed me the way. He is the patron saint of toilet bowl pwnage: [img] |
| _______________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 11:16am - the_reverend ""] sucks, today, the big stall is flooded. I tried to flush it a bunch, but it did nothing. now, I'm once again shitting beside someone trying not to do the sentator craig thing and spread my legs too far. unfortunately for the person beside me, everything I ate yesterday contained piles and piles of beans. |
| ___________________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 12:03pm - largefreakatzero ""] I have the shits bad today. I ate sushi last night and I don't think it agreed. I blasted once last night and have continued to pollute a toilet hourly. Hopefully I won't shit my pants while lifting today. |
| _____________________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 3:21pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] I've been shitting a lot more than I usually do the past few days, mostly because I'm finally attaching myself to a consistent diet with no Taco Bell and almost no soda. I shit a huge "X" the other day. It clogged a Home Depot toilet, and I pride myself on that. |
| ________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 3:40pm - Ryan_M ""] Yeti said:shitting is a very personal thing. i'll never get used to shitting when someone is around, regardless of the partitions between. I'm the same way - It's not so much that I'm worried about my shit smelling bad, its mostly that I enjoy taking a good shit in private, and if someone else is in the next stall, I can't enjoy my time alone, instead I have to listen to their ass ripping, water splashing and huffing and puffing like they just ran 10 miles. I'm the same way pissing as well, I feel like I can't go if I'm at a urinal and some dude takes the one right next to me. I value my personal space and privacy and its just ruined by having some dork standing right beside me while I'm taking a leak. |
| ________________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 3:48pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Personally, I'm proud of my elephantine emissions. |
| _____________________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 3:58pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] DestroyYouAlot said:Personally, I'm proud of my elephantine emissions. You'd get along with my boss quite well. He came to where I was working one day ONLY to show me a picture of a huge shit he took. To get the full effect, he put a paperclip in the toilet so I could tell just how big the shit was in comparison to the paperclip. |
| _________________________________________ [Sep 10,2007 5:49pm - metal_church101 ""] DestroyYouAlot said:This man showed me the way. He is the patron saint of toilet bowl pwnage: [img] That's awsome. :NEWHORNS: |
| _______________________________________ [Oct 25,2007 10:45am - the_reverend ""] wow.. it looks lik someone put hersey's syrup all around the bowl. |
| _______________________________ [Oct 25,2007 10:48am - Yeti ""] regularity is probably the best thing in life. "you know Mrs. Torrance, you've gotta keep regula, if you wanna be happy" |
| _________________________________________ [Oct 25,2007 12:22pm - brad weymouth ""] Haha, destroy youalot, that bathroom was always smelling of ass. You guys, or should I say, FAGS, who can't shit when there are others present should seriously consider castration. |
| _______________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 11:34am - the_reverend ""] wow.. it just took me 4 flushes to get the guy before me's TP huge clump down. tom hanks could have hung on to that shit and floated back to america in castaway |
| _________________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 11:45am - DestroyYouAlot ""] WILSOOOOOON!!! |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 11:46am - metal_church101 ""] I had another round of dualing banjos with the guy in the stall next to me. Drinking a lot of coffee is always great ammunition. |
| _______________________________ [Nov 28,2007 12:58pm - Yeti ""] the_reverend said:wow.. it just took me 4 flushes to get the guy before me's TP huge clump down. tom hanks could have hung on to that shit and floated back to america in castaway i almost just spit everything i was eating all over my computer hahahaha. i was shitting today and thinking about how there is no silence more deafening than the men's room. |
| _______________________________ [Nov 28,2007 1:07pm - aril ""] hey steve, how come i'm the only one that farts at band practice then? I demand a fart-off.. |
| ________________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 1:22pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] I just blame them on you; that way everybody wins. |
| ________________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 1:47pm - brad weymouth ""] One banana, two cups of Good Morning America and I'm good to go....poop that is. I was at a church the other day and stunk up that nuns bathroom something fierce...the good lord wants the cubs to win!! |
| ________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 7:37pm - NIGGER ""] I TOOK A GIANT SHIT AT THE WELFARE OFFICE AFTERWARDS, I QUALIFIED FOR MEDICAL TAKING THE MAN'S MONEY AND LIVING LARGE, THIS NIGGA IS BLACK POWER! |
| __________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 9:14pm - scumfuck ""] last time i took a shit at work someone came in and grabed my ankles mid-shit and tried to pull me off the can and out of the stall, not pleasant. |
| ________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 9:30pm - NIGGER ""] FERMENT THAT SHIT MAKE JENKEM BLACK POWER! |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 9:35pm - DaveFromTheGrave ""] scumfuck said:last time i took a shit at work someone came in and grabed my ankles mid-shit and tried to pull me off the can and out of the stall, not pleasant. where do you work? |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 10:28pm - scumfuck ""] at a harley shop in auburn |
| _________________________________ [Nov 28,2007 10:35pm - NIGGER ""] I JUST SHIT OUT A LOAD OF DIGESTED PORK PRODUCTS PEOPLE EVACUATED THE HOOD FOR A FEW HOURS WHATEVER A MAN'S SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE A MAN, YOU HEAR? BLACK POWER! |
| ________________________________________ [Nov 29,2007 9:23am - DestroyYouAlot ""] NIGGER said:I JUST SHIT OUT A LOAD OF DIGESTED PORK PRODUCTS PEOPLE EVACUATED THE HOOD FOR A FEW HOURS WHATEVER A MAN'S SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE A MAN, YOU HEAR? BLACK POWER! [img] "Don't nobody go into the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes," |
| _______________________________ [Nov 29,2007 10:35am - Yeti ""] scumfuck said:at a harley shop in auburn ah, i thought that was you. whats up mang? that party Gabe invited you to was killer. we'll be throwing an xmas bash, i'm sure he'll inform you with the details. |
| ______________________________________ [Nov 29,2007 2:41pm - christopher ""] living in a dorm has caused me not to care about shitting in a bathroom |
| _______________________________ [Nov 29,2007 3:28pm - aril ""] yea so I just went into my work's bathroom and someone was coughing to cover up the plopping and spraying noises. Reminded me of that Family Guy episode. Earlier today someone was breathing really hard; I thought they were having a heart attack in there. |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 29,2007 9:23pm - peteovdom ""] idk, there's something very magical about getting payed while simultaneously clogging their toilets... |
| ________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:44am - NIGGER ""] TRY SHITTING ON WELFARE IT ROCKS BLACK POWER! |
| ____________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 4:15am - CassieLynn ""] Hey if you gotta go, you gotta go. |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 9:57am - horror_tang ""] [img] |
| __________________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 10:30am - metal_church101 ""] [img] |
| _______________________________ [Nov 30,2007 10:31am - Yeti ""] peteovdom said:idk, there's something very magical about getting payed while simultaneously clogging their toilets... thats why i save my shitting for work. i won't shit on break either. |
| ____________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 10:35am - ariavette ""] Yeti said:peteovdom said:idk, there's something very magical about getting payed while simultaneously clogging their toilets... thats why i save my shitting for work. i won't shit on break either. haha i don't either.. |
| _________________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 10:41am - DestroyYouAlot ""] I wait until 5 of or 5 past. |
| ________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 10:53am - aril ""] I'm about to go. Let the adventure begin! |
| _________________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:05pm - iren_the_viking ""] there is nothing better than getting paid to shit. i love it! |
| ________________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:11pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] By my calculations, I just made $2.35 on the pot. |
| _______________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:19pm - aril ""] I wonder how much Oprah makes on the pot. |
| ________________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:21pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Probably five pounds, on average. |
| ______________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:24pm - Yeti ""] hahahahaha |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 30,2007 1:32pm - peteovdom ""] at my old job i would come back from break, go to drop the cosbys off, then remember that i should punch in first. |
| __________________________________________ [Dec 2,2007 7:27am - douchebag_patrol ""] [img] |
| ________________________________________ [Dec 20,2007 3:03pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] [img] |
| ________________________________________ [Dec 20,2007 3:03pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] [img] |
| _______________________________________________ [Dec 21,2007 7:32pm - WhyamIandasshole nli ""] Yeah but your getting paid while shitting. Always a silver lining dude. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 10:09am - DestroyYouAlot ""] Owwww... Buffalo wings + 100 beers + carbombs + many several shots + morning coffee = HOT MOLTEN LAVA HOLE I feel like someone gave me a Tabasco and whiskey enema. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 10:24am - corpus_colostomy ""] frued says...."LATENCY AT THE ANAL STAGE!" |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 10:56am - the_reverend ""] the dude shitting beside be sounded like her was waxing a bowling ball instead of wipping his ass. it sounded like he was rubbing a vinyl jacket. wtf! |
| _______________________________ [Jan 7,2008 11:00am - Timma ""] rubbing a vinyl jacket!? Wow. That must be some pretty fucking serious Ass-fro Turf. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 11:01am - SkinSandwich ""] [img] |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 12:23pm - DrewBlood@Work ""] I don't mind pooping while other people are taking care of business but I can't stand all the huffing and puffing that some guys go through. Nothing ruins a good shit like some dude groaning and sighing through every strain and labor of his daily constitutional. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 7,2008 12:44pm - Yeti ""] hahaha agreed. i had to shit so bad earlier, but when i opened the main bathroom door i was punched in the face and thrown back out by someone's horrific stench. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 7,2008 12:56pm - Timma ""] whatever happened to the old "courtesy flush". Ignant bitches. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 1:02pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Timma said:whatever happened to the old "courtesy flush". Ignant bitches. Went out with perfumed silk handkerchiefs and tights, why? |
| _____________________________ [Jan 7,2008 1:55pm - BSV ""] You guys are all soft. Taking dumps at work fucking rules. Grab the paper, have a cup of coffee, get comfortable! Best excuse to take a 10 minute break without punching out. Now taking dumps at shows....that's something that fucking sucks and I absolutely hate! |
| _____________________________ [Jan 7,2008 3:24pm - Yeti ""] hahaha so true, shitting at shows is one of the worst things i've ever had to do. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 7,2008 3:28pm - sxealex ""] yes agreed... and when you are on tour... its like shows, other peoples houses around their moms and gas stations. makes you wonder if you have hpv by the end of it. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 9,2008 9:41am - the_reverend ""] human papaloma virus? I think you mean hepatitis. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 9,2008 9:43am - the_reverend ""] oh, the dude in the stall next to me unleashed something so foul.. it was like that time I put 50 goldfish in my turtle tank and he massacred them. Then the hot lamps beat down on 50 dead, bloated bodies all day in a closed condo. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 9,2008 10:32am - Yeti ""] turtles smell so bad after like 2 days, i took care of alligator snappers once upon a time, and they were horrid. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 9,2008 1:53pm - c.dead ""] peteovdom said:idk, there's something very magical about getting payed while simultaneously clogging their toilets... I don't know why but i laughed really hard at that. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 11,2008 9:19am - aril ""] yesterday at work, around the time I was going to leave, I went into the bathroom and was immediately covered by this rotten stench, a man huffing and puffing, and numerous fart noises. i just happened to notice the coffee mug on the counter, which made me realize who it was. right after the man got out of the bathroom, he was leaving the office. I told him "smell ya later" and he gave me the weirdest look man, I can't even begin to describe how it looked. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 1:17pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] I'm planning on making some butt dumplings after lunch; I'll let you know how it goes. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 17,2008 1:20pm - Yeti ""] its funny going into the bathroom at my work and seeing someones feet in the shitting position, smelling the vile stench, and their work badge is facing you with the name and smiling face of the culprit. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 4:05pm - starmummy ""] Haha. Yup. I have no problem shitting at work. I sometimes try to hide my feet if the person next to me might recognize my shoes, otherwise I try to fart as loud as I can when I hear someone else in there. One time I swear one time this other person was trying to have a farting duel with me while we were both pinching loafs. I won of course. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 4:59pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] It didn't happen, BTW. *pout* |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 5:08pm - anonymous ""] i once endured the worst fart noises and ass rips from hank philipe ryan from WHDH in the stall next to me. there's still no way i'd ever take that woman seriously, fart noises aside. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 23,2008 11:54am - the_reverend ""] are people animals? 3 fucking flushes before i could even sit on the bowl.. and then there was still a mysterious shit ball that wouldnt go down. not for all the tea in china. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2008 12:00pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] anonymous said:i once endured the worst fart noises and ass rips from hank philipe ryan from WHDH in the stall next to me. there's still no way i'd ever take that woman seriously, fart noises aside. That rules. I'll never be able to look at her the same way again. I bet Natalie Jacobson clogs mad bowls. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2008 12:48pm - Yeti ""] one thing that really surprises me is the amount of people that don't wipe. i hear them come in, sit down, make a bunch of noises, and then get up without any paper rustling. sometimes i think they just sit down to fart because they are too pussy to do it at their desks, but other times you can hear the obvious expulsion of shit and the subsequent plop, yet still no paperwork. that bothers me. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2008 12:49pm - Ma_Dukes ""] how the fuck do you not wipe your ass? |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2008 11:03pm - NIGGER ""] IF YOU EAT ENOUGH GREASE IT SLIDES RIGHT OUT BEFORE YOU EVEN NOTICE LIKE PRISON CEPT BACKWARD BLACK POWER! |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 11,2008 9:51am - the_reverend ""] imho the worst is when all 3 stalls are full. it's like you at sitting on someone's lap while shitting |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 11,2008 10:10am - corpus_colostomy ""] "sounds like someone has a case of the mondays." |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 22,2008 11:47am - the_reverend ""] wow... the person before me looks like they didn't even attempt to flush. wtf! thanks for leaving a stink log for me. what the fuck is this, the 1800's outhouse scene? |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 22,2008 11:36pm - lumburgh ""] Yeti said:sometimes i think they just sit down to fart because they are too pussy to do it at their desks from the way you describe it i'm assuming you work in an cube farm, you mean to tell me that you sit there and rip loud stinky farts at your desk? |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 25,2008 2:28am - metal_church101 ""] Always take a shit at work. |
| _______________________________ [Feb 25,2008 10:44am - Yeti ""] well the chair muffles the sound, but otherwise yes. |
| ____________________________________ [Feb 25,2008 11:10am - contagion ""] but...you're getting paid to do it, technically. if you're on hourly wage. |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 25,2008 11:29am - the_reverend ""] I'm stuck in a meeting right now... god I would love to shit at work right now |
| _______________________________________ [Feb 25,2008 12:00pm - the_reverend ""] i'm an omlette, large fry, 2 spike's dogs, and one long into loving shitting at work. |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 25,2008 12:19pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] lumburgh said: Yeti said:sometimes i think they just sit down to fart because they are too pussy to do it at their desks from the way you describe it i'm assuming you work in an cube farm, you mean to tell me that you sit there and rip loud stinky farts at your desk? HELL YES You come into my cube, you get what's coming to you. And what's coming to you is my poopsmell. |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 25,2008 12:30pm - brad weymouth ""] Steve de Toilette |
| __________________________________ [Feb 26,2008 11:24pm - milton ""] somehow i don't think stinking up the office by ripping smelly farts at your desk all day helps you climb the corporate ladder. but what do i know, my desk was moved to the basement to take care of the rat problem. |
| ___________________________________________ [Feb 27,2008 12:15am - DaveFromTheGrave ""] the_reverend said:imho the worst is when all 3 stalls are full. it's like you at sitting on someone's lap while shitting And then you sit down on the warm seat, slightly lubricated with their ass-sweat, and realize that your ass is in direct contact with something their ass was in contact with only moments before. mmm mmmm good. [img] |
| ________________________________________ [Feb 27,2008 2:28am - KevintheSprigg ""] I used to hate shitting at work...until a few months ago when I brought in a full size door poster of Manowar (Into Glory Ride era...complete with loincloths) and hung it on the wall in front of the toilet. Shitting is a much more enjoyable experience when you can just sit and gaze at their mighty plastic swords and cocoa buttered muscles. |
| ______________________________________ [Feb 27,2008 7:33am - the_reverend ""] mmmm...cocobuttah |
| ______________________________ [Feb 27,2008 8:24am - Yeti ""] DaveFromTheGrave said:And then you sit down on the warm seat, slightly lubricated with their ass-sweat i absolutely fucking hate sitting on a warm toilet seat. i want the shock of a freezing cold one. i mean i know that people sit on it all the time, but i'd rather not feel it. |
| _________________________________________ [Feb 27,2008 10:25am - DestroyYouAlot ""] KevintheSprigg said:I used to hate shitting at work...until a few months ago when I brought in a full size door poster of Manowar (Into Glory Ride era...complete with loincloths) and hung it on the wall in front of the toilet. Shitting is a much more enjoyable experience when you can just sit and gaze at their mighty plastic swords and cocoa buttered muscles. That rules so hard. |
| _______________________________________ [Mar 17,2008 11:05am - the_reverend ""] after all that taco bell and 24oz of coffee and a large veggie patty sub for breakfast, getting to the bathroom after gut cramping it through a meeting is like the sweet release of freedom. it just smells like I released fresh hardboiled eggs. |
| _______________________________________ [Mar 17,2008 11:08am - SkinSandwich ""] I like eggs. |
| ______________________________ [Mar 17,2008 3:22pm - Yeti ""] i dumped a whole pile of death this morning after a weekend of epic booze consumption. i could hear my intestines gasping for air. |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 17,2008 4:13pm - SkinSandwich ""] Speaking of booze, I have not drank in about a month. What is wrong with me? Should I see a therapist? I miss bud mud in the AM. I might have to go out later and buy some beers. |
| _________________________________________ [Mar 17,2008 11:27pm - kevinthesprigg ""] DestroyYouAlot said: KevintheSprigg said:I used to hate shitting at work...until a few months ago when I brought in a full size door poster of Manowar (Into Glory Ride era...complete with loincloths) and hung it on the wall in front of the toilet. Shitting is a much more enjoyable experience when you can just sit and gaze at their mighty plastic swords and cocoa buttered muscles. That rules so hard. I presented it to my coworkers as my christmas gift to them. At first they were distraught but they grew to love it...after all, who can deny the bulging biceps and junk of Joey Demaio? |
| _________________________________________ [Mar 17,2008 11:37pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] I just broke off a mean monkey tail at home... just not the same sense of accomplishment I get from deucing at work, though. |
| _________________________________________ [Mar 17,2008 11:44pm - brad weymouth ""] collecting unemployment checks rules, but leaving a nasty dump at the many colleges in Boston whose copiers i used to fix was very satisfying, i miss it. |
| _________________________________________ [Mar 18,2008 12:12am - DestroyYouAlot ""] brad%20weymouth said:collecting unemployment checks rules, but leaving a nasty dump at the many colleges in Boston whose copiers i used to fix was very satisfying, i miss it. There will be other dumps, my son. |
| _________________________________________ [Mar 18,2008 12:15am - brad weymouth ""] DestroyYouAlot said: brad%20weymouth said:collecting unemployment checks rules, but leaving a nasty dump at the many colleges in Boston whose copiers i used to fix was very satisfying, i miss it. There will be other dumps, my son. thank you Jeebus:NEWHORNS: |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 31,2008 8:49am - the_reverend ""] it's like I just walked into rush hour here are grandcentral station. nothing worse than having to walk around someone coming out of a stall knowing that they pre-warmed the seat for you. |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 31,2008 9:47am - ellesarusrex ""] i work a couple days a week in a salon in hanover renting a chair.. basically this allows me ot have zero responsibiltiy other than hair... about a week or so ago i was stuck behind my hcaier for 3 hours straight and felt like my insides were going to erupt a blast of urine like a time bomb.. when i finally had the chance i ran to the bathroom with a quickness.... low and behold there was a massive quantity of tp in the hole.. fucking christ! so i flush.. not thinking.. the water starts rushing the the surface as if it were pouring from a faucet.. i dont even know where a plunger is so i get the assistant.. she comes in and starts to do her thing... but unaware to the naked eye there was a little suprise awaiting her underneath the wet blankets of tp. apparently one of pur clients shit out the redwood forest and failed to ask for a plunger when she realized the timber was too tall to budge. soooooooooooo marybeth the 45 yr old shampoo assistant and mother of two decides shes never seen a duty before in her life that didnt belong to her and projectile vomits into the bowl... causing just enough liquid to over flow this soupy delight onto the floor.. i am in the doorway witnessing the incredible horror scene and laughing with such intensity that pee was just about to squeeze into my panties. i use the men rooms which is much cleaner anyways because the only one ever in there is a gay ocd man named chris with a purple rat tail. when i came back out to scope the scene.. there was about 8 or so people standing around complaingin about the lady that shit and someone else was cleaning the mess....... after all of this trauma went down.. i noticed a woman sitting in the corner under the hair dryer unaware of the entire esapade... she had to be about 90.. i decided to be a helping hand and combed out her cotton ball coiffure and tell her about what was going on because she seemed curious at this point about the caca congregation.. i clearly sugar coated the whole thing for the ears of a crypt creeper and paying client... whatev.. so she leaves.. days go by.. blah blah.. hair solution recieves a letter in the mail.. from who? that elderly bitch with the george washington do.. it was an apology for clogging the toilet and not informing anyone due to the sheer embarassment of teh size of her load. HAHAHAHAHAH god you think you'd have no shame by the age of 106.. best poop story i have ever been a part of.. |
| ___________________________________________ [Mar 31,2008 9:51am - FuckIsMySignature ""] thats some funny shit. wow i'm fucking dying after reading that. |
| _______________________________________ [Mar 31,2008 10:15am - ellesarusrex ""] FuckIsMySignature said:thats some funny shit. wow i'm fucking dying after reading that. the entire experience was priceless... i like to imagine this stuff happens often to people. |
| _______________________________ [Mar 31,2008 10:33am - Yeti ""] bahahahahahahahaha that was awesome. |
| ______________________________________ [Apr 24,2008 2:36pm - the_reverend ""] gd... someone just tried to open door policy me. that's bullshit. piss |
| __________________________________________ [Apr 24,2008 2:51pm - corpus_colostomy ""] best idea is to just push as hard as possible in the johns at work. really get that lower GI bumpin' kehd. the joke is on others who are uncomfortable. fuck it mang everyone poops. it like our euro neighbor who consistently wears a speedo at our beach house in hull. no one can deal with his liberated banana hammock steez but he really doesnt sweat it at all. the joke is on everyone else, as they get all red faced and bothered just lookin' at him. aviator shades, slicked back hair, gold chain and the proboscis for the WIN. |
| ______________________________ [Apr 24,2008 3:22pm - Yeti ""] the_reverend said:gd... someone just tried to open door policy me. that's bullshit. piss i am shocked at how many people don't knock. quite often i'll be near the bathroom on the train, and i'd say that 1 out of every 20 people knock. the rest just slowly pull on the handle to see if its locked, and the door doesn't usually lock, so there are many embarrassed faces. |
| ______________________________ [Apr 24,2008 3:22pm - Yeti ""] i've had the door slightly opened on me before, i just kick it really hard so it slams shut again. |
| _______________________________ [Apr 24,2008 3:37pm - aril ""] someone should make a thread called "god do i hate sharting at work" because that's what just happened to me. |
| ________________________________________ [Apr 24,2008 5:09pm - DomesticTerror ""] Last tuesday, right when i got to work, the obese woman with the rank vag that i've ranted about shit herself. and she friggin stayed the whole day too. and of course no one tells me, so i'm walking around yelling "Who stepped in shit?" god i hate unisex bathrooms... |
| _______________________________ [May 9,2008 11:22am - aril ""] anyone else have this sharting problem? non-stop, every day. |
| ______________________________ [May 10,2008 2:17am - sean ""] No way! Couldn't disagree with you more. WHY DO IT FOR FREE AT HOME, WHEN YOU CAN GET PAID TO DO IT AT WORK??? |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 4,2008 9:23am - the_reverend ""] gd... the gguy beside me flushed 5 FUCKING TIMES. once he left another guy went into that stall and flushed 2 more times. the funniest thing is that it was this guy who's 4'11". the guy that came in after him was a stand up wiper too. oh man, thank fully i had a one wipe shit. some good came out of it. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 4,2008 10:38am - Yeti ""] i hate when people feel the need to be vocal about what they are doing. grunting, groaning, straining, and whatever other weird noises they make. if you have to strain that much, you need to eat a bowl of fiber and call a doctor. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 4,2008 6:06pm - sarahsabotage ""] god long thread! i have no job but im in school and dont attempt to shit there. XD |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 5,2008 2:27pm - the_reverend ""] fuck you aril! i was minding my own business sitting at my desk ttrying to quietly squeeeze out some methane when i had to clench and rush to the john. i caught it in the nick of time. one little push and i would have had undies full of cornpoops. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 5,2008 2:40pm - aril ""] hahaha |
| _____________________________ [Jun 5,2008 3:25pm - Yeti ""] tell your ass to quit shalking. |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 5,2008 4:32pm - DYA / NLI ""] This thread got awesomer. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 10:34am - Yeti ""] i do believe i gave birth to the Pringles guy this morning. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 10:36am - aril ""] haha... I don't want to know how that would fit out of your anus.. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 10:41am - Yeti ""] it was roughly the size of a Pringles can. |
| _________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 10:42am - oscarct ""] happens at my work non stop. dudes fucking power shitting, and yelling like there in a shitty metal core band Yeti said:i hate when people feel the need to be vocal about what they are doing. grunting, groaning, straining, and whatever other weird noises they make. if you have to strain that much, you need to eat a bowl of fiber and call a doctor. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 10:43am - Yeti ""] hahahahahaha |
| _______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 10:44am - aril ""] the worst thing is (and this usually happens at the mall or something) is when PEOPLE DON'T FLUSH. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 11:06am - aril ""] i just threw down a fistfull of rabbit turds |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 12:03pm - brad weymouth ""] DYA%20/%20NLI said:This thread got awesomer. good glavin |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 2:21pm - Conservationist ""] The big lie here is that when you shit at work, you shit in the toilet. Every office has out of the way spaces, or a parking lot with a shady zone. Grab the TP and blow poocarnage out there. It's more relaxing, and you get to see it decompose forweeks. |
| _______________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 3:22pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Conservationist said:The big lie here is that when you shit at work, you shit in the toilet. Every office has out of the way spaces, or a parking lot with a shady zone. Grab the TP and blow poocarnage out there. It's more relaxing, and you get to see it decompose forweeks. This has merit. |
| ________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 3:23pm - oscarct ""] theres assholes at my work that take the middle of the 3 urinals, when im at the one on the far right or left. |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 4:16pm - Conservationist ""] That's nothing. I shit in the middle urinal. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 6,2008 4:18pm - aril ""] if one is to take a snickers bar and insert it in a urinal, the chocolate eventually melts and ends up looking exactly like a piece of shit. highly recommended. |
| __________________________________________ [Jun 6,2008 4:24pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] i shit 6 times yesterday. that cant be healthy. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 16,2008 11:48am - DestroyYouAlot ""] WHAT THE HELL. I just pooped out maybe a liter of green mud. Like, really really green. I haven't eaten anything even remotely green in days and days. GO CELTICS |
| _______________________________ [Jun 16,2008 12:48pm - Yeti ""] i didn't shit yesterday for some reason, so the morning farts today were unbelievably disgusting. i stunk out a part of the train. it was magnificent. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 16,2008 1:00pm - aril ""] hahaha, I stink out the trian all the time. Specailly if you rest your knees up on the back of the seat in front of you (on the commuter rail). It's the perfect angle for a SBD far. |
| ______________________________ [Jun 16,2008 1:01pm - Yeti ""] hahahaha i am well trained in that art. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 12,2008 2:40pm - arilliusbm ""] So I went to take a dump in the stall here. I open up the door and there's at least 4-5 different bodily fluids floating around the toilet and on the seat. Who the FUCK does this in an office? There's something which resembles some sort of semen, something that looks like puke, snots, shit, and piss. WTF? I showed some of my co-workers here and they ran out of the bathroom as fast as they could. |
| _______________________________________________ [Dec 12,2008 3:04pm - IllinoisEnemaBradness ""] a guy i work with shits at least 8 times a day, and it always looks like sand is at the bottom of the toilet after he's flushed and left the room. |
| _______________________________________ [Dec 12,2008 6:01pm - donald trump ""] I went to take a shit at the office the other day and found a big bowl of sliced fruit on the floor directly next to the shitter. Melon, pineapple & strawberries. Looked delicious. |
| _________________________________________ [Dec 13,2008 1:57am - orgymaggotfeast ""] shitting at work rules! you are getting paid to take a dump! i fail to see the problem |
| _________________________________ [Dec 30,2008 1:23pm - ScmFck ""] christmas eve one of the was boys at my work was taking a massive dump and being our slow season we could not let this go unpunished. We ended up taking buckets full of snow and absolutely covering the kid up to his knees over the walls of the stall. |
| ___________________________________________ [Dec 30,2008 1:29pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] AHAHAHAHAHA! |
| _________________________________ [Dec 30,2008 1:32pm - ScmFck ""] and thats supposed to be one of the wash boys, i'm just retarted and can't type |
| ___________________________________________ [Dec 30,2008 1:37pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] you retart |
| _________________________________ [Dec 30,2008 2:53pm - c.DeAD ""] I don't like to shit at work, but much like shitting at shows, shitting at reh. spaces (from my experiance) is the worst. So I have a girls room key if I have no choice, but last night it wasn't working because I was to drunk to get the key in the hole. I ended up blowing brown batter all over the men's room toilet whilst hovering and covered the the entire toilet. The seat was up, so it even hit the wall. |
| ______________________________ [Dec 30,2008 3:28pm - Yeti ""] you hate shitting at work, but like shitting at shows? i'm the total opposite. i dread shitting at shows, especially any time i'm at the Palladium. i thankfully have not had to shit at any show i've been to or played at, but the fear is always there haha. |
| _________________________________ [Dec 30,2008 3:33pm - c.DeAD ""] No no, I meant MUCH like shows, I hate shitting at reh. spaces. I never in my life shit at a show. If it ever came down to it, I would shit in an alley and find some form of wipe like a leaf or perhaps my own hand before cutting a turd in some of the horrible dumps I've been in over the years. |
| ______________________________ [Dec 30,2008 3:34pm - Yeti ""] ah, gotcha. i read that wrong. |
| ____________________________________ [Oct 25,2011 1:15am - Alx_Casket ""] Android users: make bank while you shit. http://www.appbrain.com/app/poop-salary/com.poopsalary |
| ____________________________________ [Oct 25,2011 12:33pm - arktouros ""] ellesarusrex said:i work a couple days a week in a salon in hanover renting a chair.. basically this allows me ot have zero responsibiltiy other than hair... about a week or so ago i was stuck behind my hcaier for 3 hours straight and felt like my insides were going to erupt a blast of urine like a time bomb.. when i finally had the chance i ran to the bathroom with a quickness.... low and behold there was a massive quantity of tp in the hole.. fucking christ! so i flush.. not thinking.. the water starts rushing the the surface as if it were pouring from a faucet.. i dont even know where a plunger is so i get the assistant.. she comes in and starts to do her thing... but unaware to the naked eye there was a little suprise awaiting her underneath the wet blankets of tp. apparently one of pur clients shit out the redwood forest and failed to ask for a plunger when she realized the timber was too tall to budge. soooooooooooo marybeth the 45 yr old shampoo assistant and mother of two decides shes never seen a duty before in her life that didnt belong to her and projectile vomits into the bowl... causing just enough liquid to over flow this soupy delight onto the floor.. i am in the doorway witnessing the incredible horror scene and laughing with such intensity that pee was just about to squeeze into my panties. i use the men rooms which is much cleaner anyways because the only one ever in there is a gay ocd man named chris with a purple rat tail. when i came back out to scope the scene.. there was about 8 or so people standing around complaingin about the lady that shit and someone else was cleaning the mess....... after all of this trauma went down.. i noticed a woman sitting in the corner under the hair dryer unaware of the entire esapade... she had to be about 90.. i decided to be a helping hand and combed out her cotton ball coiffure and tell her about what was going on because she seemed curious at this point about the caca congregation.. i clearly sugar coated the whole thing for the ears of a crypt creeper and paying client... whatev.. so she leaves.. days go by.. blah blah.. hair solution recieves a letter in the mail.. from who? that elderly bitch with the george washington do.. it was an apology for clogging the toilet and not informing anyone due to the sheer embarassment of teh size of her load. HAHAHAHAHAH god you think you'd have no shame by the age of 106.. best poop story i have ever been a part of.. [img] |
| ______________________________ [Oct 25,2011 1:02pm - Yeti ""] someone left a shit smear on the wall in our bathroom. good lord people. |
| ________________________________________ [Oct 25,2011 2:15pm - Ancient_Master ""] god loves skidmarx |
| _________________________________________________________ [Oct 25,2011 3:01pm - tits flavored ice cream sundae ""] shITtiNg at WOrk is A trADitIon ThaT TakeS plAcE boTH inSiDE anD OUT OF THE FUCKING CUBICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! moST rEpOrtS yoY haND to YOur bOss aRe NothIng MoRE trHan utTeR sHt cloGGing up thE wOrk PLace and INdeeD mUCh of The rEAL wORLD wITH yOUR eFF ORTS To Make It A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCK TITSCREW WALT'S ROAST BEEF BETTER GOD DAMN ASS FUCK PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thAt rePOrt yOu wERe trAinEd tO dO is NotHinG moRE thAN a DefEcaTiOn oN SOCIETY'S ZIT COVERED FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |