Roy Addams: Guidelines For Bands[views:2232][posts:37]_____________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 11:28am - menodance ""] Guidelines For Bands (Work in progress) http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti...&friendID=26941534&blogID=347833327 Over the years I've learned many lessons that have shaped my philosophies and guidelines on what band's should expect if they want to make it big... If you want to just be a garage band, that's cool. You'll probably find this list offensive but what do you care. It doesn't apply to you. 1. Forget when everyone else told you will make your band big. If it really worked, everyone would be a famous rock star. 2. Never Pay-to-play. (If there's money going anywhere, it must be your way. After all, you're doing the work.) 3. Fame isn't earned, it's bought with cold hard cash. 4. Promotion tells 10 people about you. Advertisement tells 10,000. (Paying $400 for an eight foot picture of you, for one month, in the mall's food court gets more people than four people you pay $100 each to flyer telephone polls and send out spam.) 5. It's the promoter's job to promote and sell tickets, not yours. (Some promoters out there are lazy and make the bands do their job. But if you want to do it to help out the show, go ahead.) 6. Today's overnight success is tomorrow's one-hit wonder. (see 3) 7. Required ticket selling is pay-to-play. (see 2 and 5) 8. The only thing that separates your band from bands like Metallica is money. (see 3) 9. Reality Show? HELL NO! (Remember the winner of the Battle For Ozzfest contest? No one else does either. See 6) 10. You can't be friends with your fans. When you do they are no longer fans. (Let's say you take some fans back to your garage and spend the night partying with them. Come the next show you'll hear "What do you mean I have to pay to get in, I thought we were friends.") 11. In the old days, a fan's attention went to about 2-3 bands. Thanks to the internet, a fan's attention goes to15-20. (What's this mean? Bands are not as special as they were in the 70s.) 12. You are the industries biggest competitor. (Their systems are designed to keep you from going anywhere. They pay not only to keep their bands to be in the spot light, but yours in the garage.) 13. Bars are like leper colonies. (You want to avoid them as much as possible but sometimes you accidentally find yourself playing one. The usually crowd member cares more about their next drink than your next song.) 14. If you're a nobody, they'll make sure everyone knows it. (You'll often see the words "Unsigned" and "Local" put next to your name by those in business. see 12) 15. "Paid By The Drink." (Translation-"No one will be sober enough to remember there was even a band." See 13) 16. No one truly wins a "Battle Of The Bands". (Think of your favorite major band. When was the last time you saw them do one? See 13) 17. Never mail your retail-ready disc to a radio station. Mail a pizza instead. Hey, it worked for Bon Jovi. (You'll just be saving them a trip to CD store where they will sell it pay for their lunch.) 18. When was the last time a member from your favorite major band stopped you in the street and tried to sell you a ticket to their show? (see 5) 19. If you have no recording, your band doesn't really exist. 20. Soundscan. Google it. Learn about it and make damn sure you have it. 21. You are the industry's new consumer, not the fans. (There are a million businesses out there, all claiming to give you tons of promotion and help you get the big break... for a small fee. see 1 and 4.) 22. You don't gain a following from playing out. You play out because you have a following. (It used to be true in the 70's but not today. See 11. I devised this one when Slipknot sold out our civic center without having a CD in stores or a song on the radio.) 23. Mom, Dad. Buying our merch is a nice gesture, but is counter-productive. (It's just tacky to sell anything to your family. It's not too different from selling it to your self. Just give them the damn shirt. If they want a CD, burn them a copy.) 24. Those who preach that "caring what your fans think" is a form of selling out, don't have any. (Metallica didn't care what their fans thought and look what happened.) 25. When choosing your band's name. Pick something that's easy to remember… and spell. (see 15) 26. "Open Mic Night" Translation-One step down from Bar. (See 13) |
| ________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 11:45am - Timma ""] I'm not even in a band, pretty much not even close, and I think 99% of this is a crock of shit. "8. The only thing that separates your band from bands like Metallica is money." Die. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 11:51am - sinistas ""] Since 13 Winters is SOOOO successful, I'll certainly subscribe to his newsletter. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 11:52am - Timma ""] JACKED UP! |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 12:31pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] I'm so glad I have this knowledge now. This is a breakthrough, and I don't believe I could go on with any of my musical endeavors without having been blessed by this godsend. [/sarcasm] |
| _______________________________ [Jan 16,2008 12:52pm - Yeti ""] oh man, i didn't know this was written by THE Roy Addams. i just wasted 5 minutes of my life. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 12:56pm - dreadkill ""] ha |
| ________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 1:23pm - lbpvd ""] wow, this is really bad...really bad. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 1:24pm - sxealex ""] im not gonna lie agree with a good portion of it |
| ________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 1:45pm - xmikex ""] Some of this is very true. Some of this is very stupid. Most of this could be condensed into 5 or 6 bullet points instead of 26 (why 26?). Playing out is the most fun part of being in a band. I'm not gonna wait until my band can sell out Gillette stadium before I play a goddamn show. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 1:48pm - the_reverend ""] I only read the first 4. don't 2 and 3 contradict each other? |
| _______________________________ [Jan 16,2008 2:15pm - Timma ""] the_reverend said:I only read the first 4. don't 2 and 3 contradict each other? There's more than a few that completely contradict each other. Half the shit doesn't even make logical sense. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 2:22pm - xmikex ""] 27. Address everyone you meet with "Nice to meet you, David Geffen" because if you really do meet David Geffen, and you don't know it's David Geffen, then you're going to look like an asshole... to David Geffen. 28. If you don't have a video on MTV2 don't even look at me. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 2:24pm - DrewBlood@Work ""] you know whats cheaper than advertising? defacing public property. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 2:26pm - menodance ""] #4 is my favorite. An 8 foot tall picture of Roy in the mall's food court would be so damed surreal. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 3:24pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] I want to know who pays someone $100 to flyer and send out spam. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 16,2008 3:25pm - Yeti ""] i think the funniest part of all is that he is in 13 Winters. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 3:28pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] I agree. 13 Winters is funnier than any joke I've ever heard in my life. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 16,2008 3:29pm - Yeti ""] from Metal Archives: 13Winters is a local New England band that has quickly gained local recognition, and quickly growing to become a national success. Their music (self defined by the band Dark Metal for including doom, black, and death metal within their mixture) is a very creative and innovative hybrid as the band mixes their sound with a bunch of different influences as stated above. What to say about this release? It's purely amazing. The production is great. Everything was very well mixed within the music. The band also knows how to progress and make the music interesting throughout. At times it's black/death metal, and then you are surprised with a symphonic interlude that just blows you away and keeps you breathless. Die Winter's vocal style is very diverse in itself. Her growls are good enough to keep Angela Gossow running for her money. Very harsh and angry. Also you hear the occasional singing which is great. Angelic with a darker side to them at the same time. All in all a spectacular performance in the vocal section. The guitar work is also innovative. While playing the simple and hard to define guitar riffs 13winters' Matthue Schildroth plays a lot of powerful guitar work that helps add atmosphere of this release. A very spectacular performance. Mike Web plays "The Clocktower" (Drums) on this release. Very technical, and talented playing. Everything in the drum areas of this release is easy to make out and it really helps make the overall sound of the album really powerful. The drums are purely hypnotic in a sense they'll keep you in a trance just thinking how brilliant the drum work on this release is. Roy Addams is the keyboards, bassist, and violinist for 13 Winters. Throughout the release you can hear both being played with such atmospheric darkness, these two aspects really add a lot to this release in the sense of feeling very dark. You can imagine walking through a graveyard or being locked in a dark room with no light anywhere at all. Along with such these hymms of darkness are the only thing that you can hear locked in the dark chamber it gives you the feeling you're in. It's amazing how all these combined can make such a beautiful release. With such a wide variety mixed within this release it's the perfect album to check out! |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 5:23pm - The Revealer ""] It's almost as funny as the weight-loss tips from Die Winters. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 5:45pm - DrewBlood ""] [img] |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 8:09pm - The Revealer ""] Hey, look. Jim the Anvil Neidhart stole Bret Hart's jacket. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 8:15pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 8:16pm - RichHorror ""] The Excellence of Mallgothacution. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 8:40pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] I always feel bad for that tiny kid. Like maybe if he leaves the band, Roy and Die will sit on him. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 16,2008 10:41pm - My_dying_bride ""] [img] |
| _______________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 12:36am - BobNOMAAMRooney nli ""] My_dying_bride said:[img] Didn't Roy Addams sit on him when he tried out for the cheerleading squad in Dodgeball? |
| __________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 12:55am - t2daeek ""] thanks for the tip... i didn't think i'd ever get out of my garage. this band has inspired me to quit hive smasher and start wearing vinyl trench coats almost exclusively. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 7:09am - dreadkill ""] The Revealer said:Hey, look. Jim the Anvil Neidhart stole Bret Hart's jacket. holy shit, that was hilarious. definitely one of the top 10 funniest things i've ever read on this board. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 8:32am - BobNOMAAMRooney nli ""] [img] |
| ________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 8:52am - xmikex ""] Okay... 2 fat blobs desiguised as girls check... the world's nerdiest vampire check... red neck guy who worships Ted Nugent check... Brandon Lee's corpse check... Jim the Anvil Neidhart look a like, 40 year old mall goth lady, 40 year old fat guy who just went to his first Ozzfest, and Keanu Reeves nephew check, check, check annnnd check. Okay everybody's here let's start a black metal band. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 9:15am - DestroyYouAlot ""] SRSLY - Shooting glasses? Like, when you're not actually shooting something? |
| ________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 9:20am - xmikex ""] Well what if he needed to shoot something on the fly? Like he's laying down this nasty double pick Cradle of Filth riff and all of a sudden an elk goes running by? What's he gonna do, go all the way out to his F-150 just to get his glasses? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 9:23am - Murph nli ""] BobNOMAAMRooney nli said:[img] I'm gonna go ahead and say the neighborhood was quite confused this day. Probably thinking there was a bike rally/Mortal Kombat convention somewhere close. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 9:43am - DestroyYouAlot ""] They're LARPing as people with no extra chromosones. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 10:59am - largefreakatzero ""] Jesus Christ this thread got hilarious. The group (home) photo is making tears stream down my face in suppressed laughter. 9 reasons why relatives should not breed. Fucking priceless. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 11:04am - DestroyYouAlot ""] I bet you could drink a pint of whisky outta that kid's concave chestplate. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 17,2008 11:05am - xmikex ""] Seriously, the exhumed Brandon Lee is freaking me out. |