Masturbation horror stories[views:5788][posts:10]______________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 12:10am - horror_tang ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 12:10am - horror_tang ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 12:12am - horror_tang ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 12:21am - horror_tang ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 12:22am - horror_tang ""] [img] |
| _______________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 12:40am - the_reverend ""] i accidentally the whole thing |
| _____________________________________ [Mar 20,2010 5:10am - Sacreligion ""] horror_tang said:[img] This picture makes me glad that I take care of my Dydoes very well. |
| ______________________________________ [Mar 22,2010 9:06am - the_reverend ""] ep! I know someone that pulled their neck muscles playing DJ clittles. |
| _____________________________________ [Mar 22,2010 9:48am - ouchdrummer ""] i had a "most embarrassing moment on stage" thread a couple years ago that i posted this on. It's sad... but true. ouchdrummer said:wow, this ones real good: I was about 14 years old playing guitar in a crappy band with a bunch of delinquint 20-25 year olds and i had decided it a good idea one day to masterbate using shampoo. I wasn't quite as wise to the jerking off ways that i am now, and didnt realize how important completely rinsing this makeshift lube off was. So in a day i had what i could only refer to as "Athletes Dick". Dry, flaking, itching skin along my shaft. Being young and nervous i asked my other guitar player, 23 years old, and a chronic masterbator (holds the record for most times in a row, as far as i know, i believe he claimed 16 while watching a clockwork orange) for some advice. He gave me some that included just running fingers along the sides to get rid of excess skin, and then moisturizing for a couple days. Seems that he had in fact encountered just such a problem in the past. I of course asked him to keep it on the DL if you will. He didnt. When i showed up to the next practice the band had already written a song about me called flakes. I couldn't shake the name it lasted about 6 months. THE SETTING: My mediocre-at-best band "Cataleptic Episode" was in the WBCN battle of something or other, and we did well. So we recieved the "HONOR" of playing with the J. Gyles (sp?) band. (ya know, the angel in the centerfold band) at a family gathering in maynard ma. It was at a park on a huge stage. (still probably the biggest i have played on, sadly enough). There were about 2000 people in attendance, big big family event with moonwalks, raffles, games, food tents, everything. big summer bash. My family-mom, dad, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents... and friends of all of the above were in attendance to see the 14 year old open for a signed major label act. THE DELIVERY: My singer, a mister Ray hayward of walpole (19 at the time) introduced the whole band, and when he got to me, he actually said and on guitar, FLAKES THE LITTLE DIPPER!! Of course no one got it, which he expected so he continued.... "you see the reason we call him that is because he decided one day that his hand wasnt enough.... He explains from beggining to end, the whole damn story, even how i got rid of it, as i heard gasps from all 2000 people and mothers covering their childrens ears, and fathers trying to pull their daughters out of the vicinity of his voice, he said it all. I stared out into the faces of little kids and grandparents, and made eye contact with my father, and then the gasps turned to riotous laughter..... |
| ____________________________________ [Mar 22,2010 9:54am - arilliusbm ""] long post is long |
| _______________________________________ [Mar 22,2010 10:15am - goatcatalyst ""] ITT: Metaphysical adolescent cocktrauma. |