advice for a virgin metalhead..
[views:9100][posts:90]___________________________________
[Nov 4,2010 1:52pm - anonymous ""]
hi..i have a few questions because i think i finally have a chance at getting laid after 25 years. where is the best place to lick a vagina to make a girl cream? where is the best g spot? and do girls like it when you shoot on their face? I want to have so much fun but dont know if she wants all of this.. thanks!! :yoda: :point:
[Nov 4,2010 1:53pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
www.craigslist.com
[Nov 4,2010 1:54pm - goatcatabisk ""]
David Myatt
[Nov 4,2010 1:59pm - markworkingrichards ""]
Girls love it when you shoot them in the face.
[Nov 4,2010 2:03pm - the_reverend ""]
I got this covered with a image that I made.
Give them money, give them chocolate, leave them the fuck alone.
[img]
[Nov 4,2010 2:05pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
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[Nov 4,2010 2:25pm - Captain Obvious ""]
ITT: Wren or RidersofDoom?
[Nov 4,2010 2:42pm - Dwyer ""]
25 year old virgin=spacecorpse
[Nov 4,2010 2:44pm - boxxy ""]
Come on, troll. I don't think even a virgin would be dumb enough to ask where the best g-spot is... like as if there's more than one. If you wanna troll at least be believable.
[Nov 4,2010 2:47pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
ask beezle... he's a straight up pimp. definitely no faggot.
[Nov 4,2010 2:54pm - arilliusbm ""]
Only annihilating the wall of the uterus with your cock is real.
[Nov 4,2010 3:18pm - posbleak ""]
Just focus on lasting more than ten seconds, if she knows you're a virgin then she'll see everything after that as just a bonus.
[Nov 4,2010 3:22pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
if shes not a complete bitch though she'll think you being a virgin is cute and expect you to last 10 seconds... then go for epic round two.
[Nov 4,2010 3:25pm - Yeti ""]
please, he's no different than the rest of you organisms, shooting DNA at each other to make babies, i find it offensive!
[Nov 4,2010 3:27pm - fingers ""]
goils <3 voigins
[Nov 4,2010 4:16pm - Alexecutioner ""]
please, like any dumb ass would actually bother asking if girls actually LIKE having it shot on their face......
OF COURSE THEY DO
[Nov 4,2010 10:40pm - Alx_Casket ""]
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[Nov 4,2010 10:42pm - reimroc ""]
posting on rttp is like having a golden ticket to pussyville.
[Nov 4,2010 10:56pm - the_reverend ""]
And by pussyville, you mean ejaculating into you own dirty clothing before wash.
[Nov 4,2010 11:01pm - reimroc ""]
the_reverend said:And by pussyville, you mean ejaculating into you own dirty clothing before wash.
whatever floats your boat rev.
[Nov 5,2010 1:14am - Randy_Marsh ""]
enter the realm of garls
[Nov 5,2010 7:35am - Slag NLI ""]
Perform the Harry Houdini or you are a failure at the sexy time.
[Nov 5,2010 11:33am - ouchdrummer ""]
posbleak said:Just focus on lasting more than ten seconds, if she knows you're a virgin then she'll see everything after that as just a bonus.
I realize that this is just a quick comment, but I think it's one of the biggest misconceptions of all time... if you FOCUS on not finishing quick, you'll finish quick, if you focus on sex at all, control becomes very hard. That's why most dudes w/out skillz cum so quick EVEN when they're prepared for it, because they're focused on it, they think:
I'm fucking her, I'm fucking her, I'm fucking her (as they stare at mounds of ass bouncing off their theighs) and then BOOM they cum. I know it's obviously different for everyone, but i use rythyms to mantain control, if i'm fixated on the groove with which my balls bounce, it becomes easier to hold on, even when i stare at myself piercing her ass.
[Nov 5,2010 11:35am - FuckIsMySignature ""]
actually my first time i was soooo focused on not blowing my load quickly i lasted like an hour. also i think listening to Aenima at the time gave me super sexxorz powers.
[Nov 5,2010 11:36am - ouchdrummer ""]
oh, and when she's on top, and you think you're gonna blow, grind your teeth, curl up your toes, and squeeze the bed/couch/whatever your on till your knuckles turn white. What this does, is it takes your focus (which if you're about to cum, is on having sex) and it moves in to curling toes, grinding teeth, etc...
This really is the best bit of advice that no one gave me, ever. When i figured out how much it helps, it made all the difference in the world.
Now if only there was a way to stop me from wanting to eat a prime rib after i blow.
[Nov 5,2010 11:37am - ouchdrummer ""]
well, it's not really the first time that's hard, i was too nervous to come quick that time, it's the period right AFTER that.
[Nov 5,2010 11:38am - largefreakatzero ""]
Cock ring or terrorist.
[Nov 5,2010 11:38am - ouchdrummer ""]
those hurt too much.
[Nov 5,2010 11:46am - FuckIsMySignature ""]
just think of this while getting busy...
[img]
[Nov 5,2010 11:49am - ouchdrummer ""]
that would not help.
[Nov 5,2010 11:51am - FuckIsMySignature ""]
ouchdrummer said:that would not help.
thats...unsettling.
[Nov 5,2010 11:57am - arilliusbm ""]
I could care less if I cum or not. The goal is to make the girl cum... More than once
[Nov 5,2010 11:59am - Slag NLI ""]
^^
My goal. Then I Houdini her.
[Nov 5,2010 12:00pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
i partly subscribe to that methodology. i think i think its highly important that i get my rocks off in the process however. making a girl have muliple orgasms though is a triumphant feeling regardless.
[Nov 5,2010 12:08pm - SkinSandwich ""]
As long as I spray my DNA I don't give a shit about her getting her rocks off.
[Nov 5,2010 12:22pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
[img]
[Nov 5,2010 12:25pm - arilliusbm ""]
Obviously everyone wants to have an orgasm because it's the best feeling of all time.
I guess the question one should ask is about the difference between fucking a chick that you're not attached to, or fucking a girl you're in a relationship with. Personally, I think the "making love" romantic gf/wife sex is 100x better; it is there that it should be a priority to make your significant other cum.
When it's random sex it's just different. Then again, I know I'm in the minority here
[Nov 5,2010 12:28pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
i agree with that. mainly because the emotional attachment factor increases the sensation for both.
[Nov 5,2010 12:28pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
i've heard interviews from porn stars that say the same thing too.
[Nov 5,2010 12:29pm - arilliusbm ""]
Agreed. I'd hate to sound dumb, but maybe it's because I'm a hopeless romantic underneath all the trolls.
[Nov 5,2010 12:30pm - the_reverend ""]
DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY ADVICE FROM ANYONE THAT HAS A KID.
[Nov 5,2010 12:33pm - arilliusbm ""]
If you only knew.
[Nov 5,2010 12:35pm - ouchdrummer ""]
sex can be wonderful even if you don't have an emotional connection. I think the thing that makes it so good when you DO have an emotional connection is that you both are concerned with the other person feeling good, and you're aware of what they like and don't like. That's possible with people you don't have that connection with either, but it requires really good communication skills, and the ability to tell by each other's bodys what works and what doesn't. Remember to pay attention to how she reacts to things and you'll do ok.
[Nov 5,2010 12:35pm - arilliusbm ""]
Only knowing how to treat a real woman is real.
[Nov 5,2010 12:37pm - arilliusbm ""]
Sex is always wonderful, but better when it has value
[Nov 5,2010 12:38pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
like an expensive hooker?
[Nov 5,2010 12:49pm - xmikex ""]
A few years ago I might have had a different opinion on this. But now let me illustrate this in adult terms.
Beating a girl to the finish and not giving a shit makes you feel like:
[img]
Making a girl cum makes you feel like
[img]
However, not caring if you finish or not is...
[img]
[Nov 5,2010 12:50pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
*slow clap*
[Nov 5,2010 12:58pm - ouchdrummer ""]
FuckIsMySignature said:*slow clap*
[Nov 5,2010 1:02pm - Teddybear NLI ""]
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I will leave this here.
[Nov 5,2010 1:06pm - Yeti ""]
another thing that people forget is that sometimes an orgasm just doesn't happen during sex. there could be many different factors. for example, after a hard night of drinking if my girl and i get busy in the morning, chances are it won't happen for me due to dehydration or headache or whatever. it doesn't mean someone was doing something wrong or anything like that, it just didn't connect.
i agree with the sex with a partner, i never cared for random hookups. i've done it, but it wasn't anything exciting.
[Nov 5,2010 1:08pm - Yeti ""]
i find that if i'm about to cum and i don't want to, i read the title of a book next to my bed. for some reason that instantly shuts it down for a while.
[Nov 5,2010 1:09pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
RTTP: Romance to the Poon
[Nov 5,2010 1:10pm - arilliusbm ""]
whats the title of the book?
The Bible?
[Nov 5,2010 1:10pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
Dani Filths autobiography
[Nov 5,2010 1:11pm - Yeti ""]
hahahaha actually i remember the last one i looked at, it was "Wizard and Glass".
[Nov 5,2010 1:12pm - arilliusbm ""]
Teddybear%20NLI said:[img]
I will leave this here.
Lmao. I made this, I cant believe someone posted this. Congrats troll!
[Nov 5,2010 1:22pm - posbleak ""]
Yeti said:hahahaha actually i remember the last one i looked at, it was "Wizard and Glass".
Wolves of the Calla will immediately bore your boner to death.
Since this got all serious-advicey and shit I guess the best advice I can give you is to tell the girl that you're a virgin so she doesn't expect anything. If you're not a total basement-dweller then she'll probably think it's cute and crap and she won't have to worry about the HIV either. Don't expect to get her off by shoving your dick in her and you can always be like, "Hey does that feel good?" or "Hey how do you like it?" or whatever.
And it's not that big a deal if you blow your wad fast, because as long as you keep her interested until your boner comes back, then it doesn't matter and you can go back for another round. Smoking a bunch of weed might help you last longer and be a little more chill about it.
[Nov 5,2010 1:26pm - Yeti ""]
^this. weed not only makes me last longer, but the end result is so much more intense.
i thought Wolves was awesome, but Song of Susannah is painfully boring.
[Nov 5,2010 1:29pm - arilliusbm ""]
Stoned sex is incredible.
[Nov 5,2010 1:31pm - the_reverend ""]
funny thing about this is when I was more of a "virgin" I could pound for hours and got laid 5x a day. Now, the once or twice a year I get ass, it lasts 2 minutes.
[Nov 5,2010 1:35pm - arilliusbm ""]
I miss the 5 times a day days.
[Nov 5,2010 1:36pm - the_reverend ""]
weed would make me do dumb things like sex without a condom and i would get twitchy, sweaty, and lost. I would just want to ejaculate and fall asleep.
[Nov 5,2010 1:38pm - arilliusbm ""]
That being said, fuck beating off everyday.
The best orgasms are the ones when you don't have it for a week. Shiit shooooooots across the room
[Nov 5,2010 1:43pm - the_reverend ""]
yeah, but I have to get all that sperm out of my brain every night before bed or I don't sleep very well. Plus, it's preventing cancer.
[Nov 5,2010 3:17pm - Yeti ""]
once a week? bah, i couldn't function. must happen daily. a used prostate is a healthy prostate.
[Nov 5,2010 3:32pm - arilliusbm ""]
i used to do it multiple times a day. In school, at work, on a bus, on the train, driving.
Driving is hard. It's easy getting roadhead because you can still steer a little bit. Wait, what?
[Nov 5,2010 3:35pm - the_reverend ""]
arilliusbm said:Driving is hard. It's easy getting roadhead because you can still steer a little bit. Wait, what?yeah, it does sort of suck that archaeon is in TN... don't worry, he comes back on vacations.
[Nov 5,2010 3:38pm - posbleak ""]
arilliusbm said:Driving is hard. It's easy getting roadhead because you can still steer a little bit. Wait, what?
[img]
A cautionary tale.
[Nov 5,2010 3:40pm - the_reverend ""]
bennyhillifier
[Nov 5,2010 3:44pm - goatcatabisk ""]
Anyone who strives to get a broad off is a fucking dummy. You could have done something constructive with those eight minutes, retard.
[Nov 5,2010 4:02pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
this thread is has becum highlarious. thank you gents.
[Nov 5,2010 4:12pm - the_reverend ""]
MINT BERRY CRUNCH.
[Nov 5,2010 4:15pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
HE MADE ME PUT THAT THING ON AND FUCK HER
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[Nov 5,2010 4:16pm - arilliusbm ""]
WORD OF ADVICE:
NEVER BUY A GIRL THAT EDIBLE UNDERWEAR. SHIT MELTS AND GETS ALL OVER THE PLACE. TASTES LIKE SHIT TOO. YOURE BETTER OFF EATING REAL UNDERWEAR
[Nov 5,2010 4:21pm - the_reverend ""]
here's every guy having sex with every girl:
"oh yeah, baby please! what, you don't want to use a condom.. I guess so"
*orgasms*
"why did I fucking do that, I'm such and idiot. She probably has herpes and is now pregnant. Fuck, now she wants me to go to her parents house."
now, here's what I think it would be like to have intercourse with another dude and it seems pretty sweet:
"shit yeah I want to fuck"
*double orgsams*
"fuck yeah dude, hi fucking five. Yeah, black ops is out... let's go play that shit and smoke a bunch of weed before we're ready to tug each other off after smoking meth."
which one sounds better to you?
[Nov 5,2010 4:21pm - goatcatabisk ""]
Pantyhose flavored ice cream or GTFO
[Nov 5,2010 4:24pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
arilliusbm said: YOURE BETTER OFF EATING REAL PUSSY
[Nov 5,2010 4:26pm - arilliusbm ""]
ITT: reverend is confused
[Nov 5,2010 4:29pm - ouchdrummer ""]
the_reverend said:here's every guy having sex with every girl:
"oh yeah, baby please! what, you don't want to use a condom.. I guess so"
*orgasms*
"why did I fucking do that, I'm such and idiot. She probably has herpes and is now pregnant. Fuck, now she wants me to go to her parents house."
now, here's what I think it would be like to have intercourse with another dude and it seems pretty sweet:
"shit yeah I want to fuck"
*double orgsams*
"fuck yeah dude, hi fucking five. Yeah, black ops is out... let's go play that shit and smoke a bunch of weed before we're ready to tug each other off after smoking meth."
which one sounds better to you?
This actually sounds wonderful.... sans the bromance.
[Nov 5,2010 4:29pm - sigh ""]
Pro tips bro
bennyhillifier
[Nov 5,2010 4:39pm - the_reverend ""]
ouchdrummer said:This actually sounds wonderful.... sans the bromance.you want your cock, but won't eat it too? what a pansy ass.
[Nov 5,2010 5:46pm - Lamp nli ""]
The only advice I would give to a virgin is don't even bother going for it, not worth the amount of ass you have to kiss when you can achieve the same damn thing just from watching porno
[Nov 5,2010 5:47pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
i want to disagree with you there... i reeeeeally want to...
[Nov 5,2010 5:50pm - Lamp nli ""]
Trust me dude, I wish I could disagree with myself.
[Nov 5,2010 6:20pm - BlackoutRick ""]
Nope. The twat is definitely better than the hand. This is coming from someone who lettered in snappin in high school.
[Nov 5,2010 6:29pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
a twat in the hand is worth 2 in the bush
[Nov 5,2010 6:42pm - BlackoutRick ""]
Lol. Also, the Se7en reference is win. That part was brutal.
[Nov 5,2010 8:10pm - Lamp nli ""]
Well obviously twat is better but not better enough to make me go chase it or anything
[Nov 5,2010 10:23pm - BlackoutRick ""]
not gettin any, eh?
[Nov 5,2010 10:41pm - Lamp nli ""]
Probably for the better, honestly