Blonde jokes you haven't heard[views:3551][posts:15]____________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 5:00pm - paganmegan ""] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two blondes were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the other's skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful. "Well, once a week I fill a bathtub up with milk and just soak in it." So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like to buy a lot of milk." "How much?" asked the farmer. "Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it." He asked, "Pasturized?" "No, just up to my tits." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just when you think you've heard them all, there's this one: A blonde went to a world wide mesage center to send a message to her mother overseas When the man told her it would cost $300.00, she exclaimed, " I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!" The man arched and eyebrow, "ANYTHING?" "Yes, ANYTHING", the blonde promised. With that, the man said, "Follow Me". He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door. " She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. He then said, "Take down my zipper." She did. He then said, "Go ahead...... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well..... go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she said................. "Hello, MOM??????" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That\'s not what I meant, but she\'s right." "What two days of the week start with the letter \'T\'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don\'t know." "Well, why don\'t you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I\'m already working on a murder case!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- :swedenflag::swedenflag::swedenflag::swedenflag::swedenflag::swedenflag: |
| __________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 5:03pm - succubus ""] i've heard these =(( |
| ______________________________ [Dec 22,2004 6:02pm - .b. ""] I don't think I had heard the last one. |
| ____________________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 9:30pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick." |
| __________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 9:35pm - succubus ""] HAHAHAHAHAHA i hadn't heard that one and it was male blondes *claps* |
| ____________________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 9:45pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! Very good, said her Mother. Is it because I'm blonde? "Yes, it's because your blonde," said the Mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. " Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G! "Very Good," said her Mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? "Yes it's because your blond! The following day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we showered all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24." |
| __________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 9:46pm - succubus ""] hahahahaha another one i haven't heard *claps* more!! |
| ____________________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 9:48pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought probably she meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I am going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "You want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my nipples." |
| __________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 9:53pm - succubus ""] heh..i heard that one..and it's almost the same as the first one posted lol |
| _____________________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 10:06pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] OOps did not see that one...How bout this... 2 blondes Two blondes, Trisha and Robin decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Robin, in great detail. The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Robin, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," said Robin. Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in the getaway car. One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Robin. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Trisha says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!" |
| ___________________________________ [Dec 22,2004 11:24pm - Kalopsia ""] those were great |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2004 1:05am - succubus ""] they are funny, even the repeats |
| _____________________________________________ [Dec 28,2004 12:11pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her? A: She believed him. Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? A: They take off their makeup. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? A: When she farts, her knees bag. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 28,2004 2:12pm - MyDeadDoll ""] old ones and new ones! good for a laugh. wasn't there a thread somewhere filled with "offensive" jokes? |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 3,2005 1:44pm - Todd(bombshelter) ""] Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? A: She thought it was diet coke. Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? A: She wanted to go on a round trip. Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 3,2005 3:02pm - __THeMoor__ ""] Q: What is the smartest thing to come out of a blonde's mouth? A: Einstein's penis |