Regrettable bangs?[views:63392][posts:338]____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:05pm - RichHorror ""] Girls/guys you've banged and regretted it. Due to mental illness or physical deformities on their part. I have one and it's a pretty funny story, but share yours first so that the healing may begin. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:06pm - dreadkill ""] i've banged two, maybe three regrettable girls, but i do not regret any of my sexual encounters with rich horror's couch. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:16pm - RichHorror ""] I've had two. One was some married broad from New Hampshire. Kinda lumpy with a too-freckle filled face. I honestly fucked her just because she was married and hoped it would get back to her husband and that her husband would beat her. The second was some girl I met off myspace. She had no pictures up, which should've been a HUGE red flag but I was retarded. I picked her up and almost sped away when I saw how tubby she was. She had a weird face too. So, we get to my house and at the time the only TV was in the bedroom. I lay on the bed and she sits there as Dodgeball plays... and I realize there's no way in fuck I want to spend the duration of an entire movie with this fucking hosebag. So I start playing pocket pool, and when I'm halfway to cumming I hop on her. I think I got two thrusts total before I pulled out and blew a load all over her stupid weird-looking face. I get up, wipe the cum off my dick with a hand towel and throw it at her head so she can clean up. I then put my pants back on and tell her I had to work early in the morning and should get her back home. This was funny because she knew I didn't have a job. So I drive her home, and as I pull in front of her house my bassist calls me on my cell. So I answer it and exclaim 'Guess what? I just nailed some fat bitch off of MySpace!' as she was getting out of my car. Then I flipped her off and drove away. Oh yeah, and as we were leaving my house I looked at a clock. She was in my house a grand total of eleven minutes. Awesome. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:16pm - kelly ""] drinking + Quensryche don't mix! |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:17pm - dreadkill ""] RichHorror said:I've had two. One was some married broad from New Hampshire. Kinda lumpy with a too-freckle filled face. I honestly fucked her just because she was married and hoped it would get back to her husband and that her husband would beat her. The second was some girl I met off myspace. She had no pictures up, which should've been a HUGE red flag but I was retarded. I picked her up and almost sped away when I saw how tubby she was. She had a weird face too. So, we get to my house and at the time the only TV was in the bedroom. I lay on the bed and she sits there as Dodgeball plays... and I realize there's no way in fuck I want to spend the duration of an entire movie with this fucking hosebag. So I start playing pocket pool, and when I'm halfway to cumming I hop on her. I think I got two thrusts total before I pulled out and blew a load all over her stupid weird-looking face. I get up, wipe the cum off my dick with a hand towel and throw it at her head so she can clean up. I then put my pants back on and tell her I had to work early in the morning and should get her back home. This was funny because she knew I didn't have a job. So I drive her home, and as I pull in front of her house my bassist calls me on my cell. So I answer it and exclaim 'Guess what? I just nailed some fat bitch off of MySpace!' as she was getting out of my car. Then I flipped her off and drove away. Oh yeah, and as we were leaving my house I looked at a clock. She was in my house a grand total of eleven minutes. Awesome. this story gets better every time i hear it |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:17pm - RichHorror ""] kelly said:drinking + Quensryche don't mix! Elaborate. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:18pm - dreadkill ""] kelly is talking about my regrettable deeds |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:18pm - dreadkill ""] i can never listen to queensryche again |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:19pm - RichHorror ""] I think you should just tell the story. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:20pm - dreadkill ""] i was blackout drunk, so i remember very little. i just want to forget it happened. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:21pm - Kevord ""] Tell the story Ken. Myspace bangs are the best by the way. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:21pm - RichHorror ""] In the past two weeks Ken banged a slut and the Jabberwocky. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:22pm - dreadkill ""] i've never had a myspace bang |
| ________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:23pm - Kevord ""] dreadkill said:i've never had a myspace bang You're probably the only one. It's slut central. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:26pm - RichHorror ""] You just weren't single for long enough. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:26pm - dreadkill ""] i could have had an internet bang one time, but the girl was ugly and she killed a dog in front of me. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:27pm - dreadkill ""] RichHorror said:You just weren't single for long enough. true |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:27pm - RichHorror ""] This is a tale that begs to be told. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:28pm - RichHorror ""] I predict this thread will have the largest gap of views versus actual posts ever. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:28pm - KillerKadoogan ""] [img] |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:29pm - the_reverend ""] dreadkill said:i've banged two, maybe three regrettable girls, but i do not regret any of my sexual encounters with rich horror's mouth. A place I fear many men have parked in. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:30pm - RichHorror ""] You're just jealous. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:30pm - RichHorror ""] KillerKadoogan said:[img] You have failed us all. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:30pm - Kevord ""] dreadkill said:i could have had an internet bang one time, but the girl was ugly and she killed a dog in front of me. Is she still single? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:33pm - RichHorror ""] That's a scenario 'Blind Date' has yet to cover. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:41pm - kelly ""] i'm gonna laugh every time i go there. i think she tried to dry hump me that night too. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:42pm - Kevord ""] Ken likes them easy and gross as long as they don't kill animals. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:49pm - RichHorror ""] kelly said:i'm gonna laugh every time i go there. i think she tried to dry hump me that night too. You should've been a true friend to Ken and taken one for the team. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:52pm - kelly ""] RichHorror said:kelly said:i'm gonna laugh every time i go there. i think she tried to dry hump me that night too. You should've been a true friend to Ken and taken one for the team. not even with Ken's dick and you pushing |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 7:53pm - xanonymousx ""] rich horror... the king of the internet. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 8:00pm - the_reverend ""] rich has a dick now? I thought it was only an edong. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 8:01pm - succubus ""] i thought this was going to be about cutting bangs after growing out your hair and then regretting it |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 8:05pm - RichHorror ""] the_reverend said:rich has a dick now? I thought it was only an edong. We've had enough conversations at Spike's about the girls I knocked up. You know better. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 22,2007 8:05pm - kelly ""] succubus said:i thought this was going to be about cutting bangs after growing out your hair and then regretting it nothing like wearing headbands for a couple of months |
| __________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 8:15pm - succubus ""] hahaha |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 8:47pm - RichHorror ""] xanonymousx said:rich horror... the king of the internet. I do what I can. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 9:11pm - the_reverend ""] you am what you am. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 9:27pm - Beorht-Dana ""] My only bang related regret is being too drunk to rememeber much of anything about my last one. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 9:39pm - hunterhunter ""] i banged this crusty chick with dreads once what can i say i got really fucking drunk and her friend was sleeping with my housemate at the time the worst was that she tried to make something from it and made me feel bad like i disrespected all women she is due to have a child next month, bt not mine since it was over 9 mnths ago this happened |
| _______________________________ [Jan 22,2007 9:41pm - yummy ""] I have never regretted banging any girl. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:06pm - xmikex ""] Long story short... it turned out to be Barbara Bush. Worst Craigslist ad ever. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:21pm - dreadkill ""] women are ruining this thread by talking about hairstyles. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:25pm - Kevord ""] Women are ruining life by breathing. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:36pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] luckily i don't have any regrettable bangs, but i do have a terrifying tale that still creeps me out. i befriended a girl on friendster...yeah, old school, haha...she had no pictures, so i used my head and saw the red flag waving, unlike our favorite internet celebrity, rich horror. after talking to her for a while i finally saw a few pictures of her face, so i knew she was real, but had to be a beast since she didn't have anything but her face in pictures. i made it clear that i wanted no carnal relationship with this girl, but she was cool so we ended up hanging out since i was in her neck of the woods. she lived in springfield, which is well over two hours from my house so she let me sleep in her roommate's bed since she wasn't there. i woke up at about 6 am to an odd feeling in my pants-area. this girl fucking pulled my pants down and started jerking me off IN MY SLEEP!!! and keep in mind, she was completely sober so there was no excuse. i was creeped out as fuck, but i blew a load all over her pants, arm, and roommate's bed anyway. i went to the bathroom to clean myself up, then went back to bed frightened for a few hours. when i woke up she bought me a huge breakfast topped off with a mr. pibb and i got the fuck out. i think maybe 3 words were shared between the two of us between the "incident" and when i left. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:37pm - thegreatspaldino ""] HAHA. owned. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:39pm - Murph nli ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:luckily i don't have any regrettable bangs, but i do have a terrifying tale that still creeps me out. i befriended a girl on friendster...yeah, old school, haha...she had no pictures, so i used my head and saw the red flag waving, unlike our favorite internet celebrity, rich horror. after talking to her for a while i finally saw a few pictures of her face, so i knew she was real, but had to be a beast since she didn't have anything but her face in pictures. i made it clear that i wanted no carnal relationship with this girl, but she was cool so we ended up hanging out since i was in her neck of the woods. she lived in springfield, which is well over two hours from my house so she let me sleep in her roommate's bed since she wasn't there. i woke up at about 6 am to an odd feeling in my pants-area. this girl fucking pulled my pants down and started jerking me off IN MY SLEEP!!! and keep in mind, she was completely sober so there was no excuse. i was creeped out as fuck, but i blew a load all over her pants, arm, and roommate's bed anyway. i went to the bathroom to clean myself up, then went back to bed frightened for a few hours. when i woke up she bought me a huge breakfast topped off with a mr. pibb and i got the fuck out. i think maybe 3 words were shared between the two of us between the "incident" and when i left. Jeez, you jerk off a buddy in his sleep to help the week go by, and he throws it in your face on the internet. Next time it'll be sandpaper hands pal. No moisturizer for you. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:40pm - RichHorror ""] haha, I knew this thread was one of my greatest inventions ever. As a result I now know that Mark Richards is a rape victim. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:40pm - Joshtruction ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:luckily i don't have any regrettable bangs, but i do have a terrifying tale that still creeps me out. i befriended a girl on friendster...yeah, old school, haha...she had no pictures, so i used my head and saw the red flag waving, unlike our favorite internet celebrity, rich horror. after talking to her for a while i finally saw a few pictures of her face, so i knew she was real, but had to be a beast since she didn't have anything but her face in pictures. i made it clear that i wanted no carnal relationship with this girl, but she was cool so we ended up hanging out since i was in her neck of the woods. she lived in springfield, which is well over two hours from my house so she let me sleep in her roommate's bed since she wasn't there. i woke up at about 6 am to an odd feeling in my pants-area. this girl fucking pulled my pants down and started jerking me off IN MY SLEEP!!! and keep in mind, she was completely sober so there was no excuse. i was creeped out as fuck, but i blew a load all over her pants, arm, and roommate's bed anyway. i went to the bathroom to clean myself up, then went back to bed frightened for a few hours. when i woke up she bought me a huge breakfast topped off with a mr. pibb and i got the fuck out. i think maybe 3 words were shared between the two of us between the "incident" and when i left. so was she actually beastly? |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:43pm - RichHorror ""] Mark is such an asshole. A handjob AND a Mr. Pibb? And he complains? THAT IS A GOOD HOST. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:45pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] she was pretty beastly overall. her face was pretty cute but otherwise she was quite the lake troll. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:45pm - Murph nli ""] Since MFR got the handjob train going, a roommate from mine in college, a very strapping, likeable oaf with an immense physique and very visually appealing to the ladies, taught me a valuable life lesson. If you have great looks, no matter your intellect or personality, keep your fucking mouth shut. This kid actually hooked up with his neighbor twice, and both times got a dry, half-assed handjob. And this girl was mediocre at best. How do you get TWO handjobs from the same person. How does one even allow oneself to get a HANDJOB. Would a mechanic broken down on the side of the road ask an average motorist to check his car for problems? NO! He can do it better himself. To this day, I cannot believe he somehow manipulated a very engaging and potentially awesome lay into two handjobs. After the first, if she doesn't upgrade big time, he should have turned her over to this board for some Q&A. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:46pm - RichHorror ""] Mark should have put his penis where she was cute, is the lesson to be learned here. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:47pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] well, it is more than you ever gave me, rich. you inconsiderate bastard. oh and that freckley married girl in new hampshire? that was me. i never got the chance to say thanks. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:48pm - RichHorror ""] So that's why Niccolai always makes you wear turtlenecks. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:49pm - Kevord ""] How do you even get just a handjob? I need to try this. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:50pm - RichHorror ""] I'm on the same page with Murph. Why would you want just a handjob? Get a blowjob like a real man. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:51pm - Kevord ""] RichHorror said:I'm on the same page with Murph. Why would you want one? Get a blowjob like a real man. I hear ya. But forcing just a handjob sounds challenging. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:52pm - davefromthegrave ""] RichHorror said:Mark should have put his penis where she was cute, is the lesson to be learned here. Put your penis where she's cute = my new motto After reading this thread, Rich is officially my hero. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:52pm - dreadkill ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:i was creeped out as fuck, but i blew a load all over her pants, arm, and roommate's bed anyway. i can't stop laughing about this |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:52pm - RichHorror ""] It seems like broads would be ok with that. There doesn't seem a lot of shame involved with giving a handjob, as opposed to a blowjob or getting railed. Hence my complete lack of interest in getting one. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:54pm - dreadkill ""] this thread is rich's best idea since the meat restaurant |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:54pm - thegreatspaldino ""] one time i was so fucking drunk. i was like passed out on someones lawn in one of those shitty plastic patio chairs. (i had 2 40's half a liter of raspberry vodka and other assorted shots). so i awake to something on my lap... it was this huge broad. she was trying to kiss me and stuff and i was about as good as dead. so as you can imagine, i was breaking those chairs by sitting on them when i weighed 280 and i was in shape... at this time i was 290 and this heffer was like 280. so the inevitable happened and the chairs leg snapped. we tumbled backwards and my head nailed a parked car in the driveway. so after that i got like dragged or something up to her room and i dont know what happened but i do know that i didnt fuck her. this chick has BACK TITS. not to mention facial hair. she was so ugly that a blacked out drunk dude turned her down. to understand how drunk i was... the "chair incident" happened at like 10 pm and when i wke up at 5 am i was still so drunk that the walk home took 30 minutes instead of the usual 8. WORD. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:54pm - dreadkill ""] i said "i am the black wizards" during a bang |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:56pm - RichHorror ""] When I nailed that married NH broad, I screamed 'I FUCKING HATE YOU' directly into her face at the point of climax. It was pretty great. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:56pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] RichHorror said:Mark should have put his penis where she was cute, is the lesson to be learned here. haha, actually...right before i left she said "next time you can bring some whipped cream." so she had her mind where her mouth SHOULD have been. speaking of handjobs... i nicknamed a girl i went to college with "handjabba the hut" because she is quite big, awkward, and started to give some dude a handjob but stopped and went to bed when she asked, "you'll let me know when you're ready to finish so you can go do it in the bathroom right?" his answer was "oh, i thought i was going to finish in your mouth." to top it off she said "you can still stay over if you want, but i'm going to bed." what an idiot. and another strange sexual tale that i've been a part of... when i was 13 a family friend was having his annual pig roast. he had a moonwalk for the kids, so obviously i was partaking in bouncy fun. some kid pissed himself in the moonwalk, so everyone fled but i was the last one out. before i could get completely out, a 33 year old, 6' 2" manly looking hick of a whore with a half-cut lynyrd skynyrd shirt and overalls pushed me back in. she yelled "where the hell do you think you're goin'?!" with a very intoxicated breath that smelled of the inside of a boot. she pinned me against the floor of the moonwalk, unzipped my pants and fell asleep with her head on my crotch. that was awkward. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:58pm - RichHorror ""] AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Mark has been raped by a different ugly woman every day since the age of four. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:58pm - Kevord ""] Wow that story even creeped me out. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:58pm - babyshaker nli ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:luckily i don't have any regrettable bangs, but i do have a terrifying tale that still creeps me out. i befriended a girl on friendster...yeah, old school, haha...she had no pictures, so i used my head and saw the red flag waving, unlike our favorite internet celebrity, rich horror. after talking to her for a while i finally saw a few pictures of her face, so i knew she was real, but had to be a beast since she didn't have anything but her face in pictures. i made it clear that i wanted no carnal relationship with this girl, but she was cool so we ended up hanging out since i was in her neck of the woods. she lived in springfield, which is well over two hours from my house so she let me sleep in her roommate's bed since she wasn't there. i woke up at about 6 am to an odd feeling in my pants-area. this girl fucking pulled my pants down and started jerking me off IN MY SLEEP!!! and keep in mind, she was completely sober so there was no excuse. i was creeped out as fuck, but i blew a load all over her pants, arm, and roommate's bed anyway. i went to the bathroom to clean myself up, then went back to bed frightened for a few hours. when i woke up she bought me a huge breakfast topped off with a mr. pibb and i got the fuck out. i think maybe 3 words were shared between the two of us between the "incident" and when i left. hhahahaha thats so weird i offically know a bunch of people who have woken up to fat bitches trying to jerk them off/blow them/ride them its crazy man |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 10:59pm - dreadkill ""] there was a girl we called rimma back in college |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:00pm - RichHorror ""] babyshaker nli said:hhahahaha thats so weird i offically know a bunch of people who have woken up to fat bitches trying to jerk them off/blow them/ride them its crazy man Yeah, now that I think about so do I. What a phenomenon. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:02pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i hate myself and anyone who has ever touched me. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:04pm - RichHorror ""] There is no point in posting in any other thread on this board other than this one. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:06pm - dreadkill ""] i wish i still had the dog killer's phone number so i could give it to kevin. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:07pm - Kevord ""] I had a chick who wouldn't fuck me cause I had a job and had to get up in the morning. She then called another dude she could fuck then sleep in. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:07pm - RichHorror ""] I need to know the full story on the dog killer. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:07pm - Kevord ""] dreadkill said:i wish i still had the dog killer's phone number so i could give it to kevin. Dude, I'd tap that ass. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:08pm - RichHorror ""] Kevord said:I had a chick who wouldn't fuck me cause I had a job and had to get up in the morning. She then called another dude she could fuck then sleep in. hahaha, what a great night. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:08pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] rich horror speaks the truth. oh and murph i just saw your first post, haha. i want 30 grit dammit! 30 GRIT!!! |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:09pm - Kevord ""] RichHorror said:Kevord said:I had a chick who wouldn't fuck me cause I had a job and had to get up in the morning. She then called another dude she could fuck then sleep in. hahaha, what a great night. It made for a great story. I loved when you told her "Go home and tell your parents they failed." |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:12pm - dreadkill ""] RichHorror said:I need to know the full story on the dog killer. it's not as good as it sounds. we were riding around in her car and she ran over a dog. the owner came out of the house and flipped out. then we cleaned its guts off the street. it looked like cranberry sauce. i never spoke to the girl again. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:12pm - RichHorror ""] Kevord said:RichHorror said:Kevord said:I had a chick who wouldn't fuck me cause I had a job and had to get up in the morning. She then called another dude she could fuck then sleep in. hahaha, what a great night. It made for a great story. I loved when you told her "Go home and tell your parents they failed." She walked away mad and got fucked up in her car. I am great. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:12pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] on a side note, i sent the email with attachments rich. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:15pm - RichHorror ""] You send those attachments, you crazy faggot. 'you crazy faggot' is my favorite thing to say to everyone now. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:20pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i already sent them, you're the crazy faggot you crazy faggot! |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:22pm - RichHorror ""] It's all true. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:24pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] tis. back to the fun stuff. i am very close to someone who had sex with someone named jesus. i will not say who it is, since she'd probably beat me up. hahaha. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:27pm - xmikex ""] Somebody track down Orgy. Make him tell the story of why he was briefly nicknamed Captain Crunch. A grossout story for the ages. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:29pm - xanonymousx ""] this isn't a bang but is it weird since i just got off a webcam with somegirl who added me on myspace for two hours maybe more? i don't feel good about this. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:33pm - RichHorror ""] Pictures. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:34pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] the last drummer of my old band upon crimson wings told me that one of his frat-mates was doing some girl in the ass...he pulled his dick out and saw a little fecal matter on the tip. this made him puke a little bit and dribbled it on the girl's back. naturally, she thought he came so she looked back to see vomit on her, which caused her to lose control of her bowels. she shit on the floor, which then prompted the dude to vomit full-fledged all over the girl. whether or not this story is true, it's fucking hilarious. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:35pm - RichHorror ""] This thread is my gift to the world. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:37pm - anonymous ""] dreadkill said:i said "i am the black wizards" during a bang I laughed for a good 5 minutes at this one. Classic. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:38pm - RichHorror ""] Me too. That seems like the kind of phrase you'd have to be blacked out to come up with. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:39pm - Kevord ""] RichHorror said:Me too. That seems like the kind of phrase you'd have to be blacked out to come up with. Or listening to Emperor. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:41pm - RichHorror ""] There's no need to call Ken gay. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:41pm - dreadkill ""] i wasn't blacked out when i was banging that girl. i was plowing her to darkthrone and i felt grim, so i said my favorite emperor song title. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:42pm - RichHorror ""] Post her myspace. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:43pm - Kevord ""] Yelling cosmic keys to my creation just doesn't have the same ring to it. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:44pm - dreadkill ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:the last drummer of my old band upon crimson wings told me that one of his frat-mates was doing some girl in the ass...he pulled his dick out and saw a little fecal matter on the tip. this made him puke a little bit and dribbled it on the girl's back. naturally, she thought he came so she looked back to see vomit on her, which caused her to lose control of her bowels. she shit on the floor, which then prompted the dude to vomit full-fledged all over the girl. whether or not this story is true, it's fucking hilarious. some dude at a party was telling me that he was at a college party one time and a petite young lady went into another room to get fucked by a huge black guy on one of the school's sports teams. he was banging her up the ass and he ruptured her sphincter. she came running out of the room screaming with shit flying out of her ass and into other party-goers' drinks. the cops came and her parents came to pick her up. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:45pm - RichHorror ""] If anyone's bangs have myspaces, post them or PM them to me so I can laugh heartily like a dragon. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:47pm - this_is_heresy ""] dreadkill said:i wasn't blacked out when i was banging that girl. i was plowing her to darkthrone and i felt grim, so i said my favorite emperor song title. Sobriety quite possibly makes this even better. That was my anonymous post BTW. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:49pm - RichHorror ""] I need to go to more parties. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:53pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] you haven't partied until you've ruptured a sphincter...whether it is your own or someone else's. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:55pm - RichHorror ""] The first girl I attempted anal on still can't shit without being in pain. It's not a ruptured sphincter, but it's still cool. She told me exactly what it was, but I forget. Something like a severe tear in her wall of her anus, or something. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:56pm - Kevord ""] Did you at least send her a sorry I ripped your asshole card? |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:57pm - RichHorror ""] No, I only laughed. I guess I am her regrettable bang. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:01am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i once went out with a girl who did not like sex but loved being in pain. she said that she thought sex was gross, but i could punch her in the ass and slam her into walls, slap her in the face and yank her hair. she also had a kid, and i did not pursue. something tells me i should have, haha. someone on this board went out with her sister. that person has posted in this thread. i am now turning this into a game, haha. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:01am - RichHorror ""] You should PM me their identity. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:09am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] PM sent. you'll probably spill the beans anyway, YOU CRAZY FAGGOT! |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:13am - RichHorror ""] I won't, and am strangely unsurprised to learn his identity. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:15am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] hahaha. amazing. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:46am - Beorht-Dana ""] RichHorror said:If anyone's bangs have myspaces, post them or PM them to me so I can laugh heartily like a dragon. If I send you a link to my ex's myspace will you rape and kill her please? |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:54am - davefromthegrave ""] sure |
| _________________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:00am - the_taste_of_cigarettes ""] I thought this thread was going to be about my sister's haircut when she was 12 I was robbed, yo |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:03am - davefromthegrave ""] hey, this thread was the highlight of my evening. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 2:42am - SinisterMinister ""] Alright... Here it is. The ho that has the first Brutal No. 2 song written about her. Her name... Well. it's really unimportant. One night, after a long-winded party at my apartment, a drunken girl was waiting to be fucked. When I approached, she wondered about a ride homw. Upon hearing that I was the man of the house, she was flustered. Cue the nakedness... She's naked, on the corner of my bed giving me head. I then realize it's fucktime and throw her back. As O strap on my protection I notice a small spot on the exact corner she was sitting on.. No bother, I had plenty to drink to forget about that quickly enough. As I pound away, a certain smell fills the air. The essence of feces begins to fill my nostrils, and as I glance down at her thigh, I... Well, I.... Well, I saw a smear. Upon seeing it I was shocked, so shocked I let out a brief shrill cry. Realizing what was going on I turned the shrill into a fake orgasm. I then ran down to my bathroom and washed myself "Crying Game" style. The worst part was driving her home the next day. I'd say the funniest part was hearing my singer's very similar story... About the same exact girl. The song's name... "Felter Smellter." |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 2:54am - RichHorror ""] I knew you would have at least one story. The band that rails together stays together. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 2:59am - BornSoVile ""] Everyone tells me I should regret that broad in Ecuador who didn't speak English but whatever, it was a good learning experience. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:07am - anonymous ""] It's really gross when you blow a guy and he has dingleberries stuck in the hair on his ballsack. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:08am - RichHorror ""] Yet it's awesome if you're the guy. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:12am - anonymous ""] What if you're the guy sucking the guy with the dingleberries' dick? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:13am - RichHorror ""] Yeah... probably not so much. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:14am - RichHorror ""] Never suck this guy's dick. [img] |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:14am - SinisterMinister ""] Well here goes another. One night, with a girl I had met in real life but then picked up through myspace. She came back to my place after sushi(By the way, you wanna know a way into a girl's pants on the first date? Buy sushi. Nothing shows that not only are you cultural as hell but willing to shell out some bucks for the pussy.) It was magical. We made out for a bit and then time came to the pounding.(I only use this term to really emphasize what I do, i'm like a pneumatic drill.) As I hit it, I almost reach my threshold before I cap off the night, so in an effort to stop myself I pull out real quick. BIG MISTAKE. I had then unknowingly opened up the gates of hell. Well, if by hell I mean the craziest flow of female ejaculatory fluid I have ever seen/heard of/smelled. Wasn't so much as a spurt as a gargantuan flow. I gazed into her eyes with awe. She then looked down and said those eight words that I shall surely never forget. "Well, I guess I'm close to my period." I've thrown out the sheets and flipped my matress. But the stain remains the same. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:15am - RichHorror ""] This thread has also taught me that all women hate Griff's bedsheets. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:25am - SinisterMinister ""] Oh you want more? This is only a taste of my exploits, tune in for more, until then kids...Always remember to eat your vitamins. [img] |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:26am - RichHorror ""] I pray that means you fucked some broad with a bottle of Children's Chewables. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:28am - SinisterMinister ""] Close. I almost killed my at-the-tome girlfriend after I had freebased a full bottle of them shits. More....? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:39am - RichHorror ""] Clearly. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:47am - SinisterMinister ""] In a position quite like the jackhammer position(clasping the thighs and pounding away...yes pounding once again). I was propped up on my knees. Real cute girl too, one of the first, and last times we had gotten down. I got excited and decided to come from my knees to laying down fully on my stomach in a missionary fashion. Her head well, it pivoted allowing her body to go up and over(very difficult to explain via keyboard.) Her neck coming within milimeters of shattering under both of our bodies, just about to snap and then... She let out a cry quickly enough for me to react. Another inch and I'd have killed her. I think we'd still get along if I had paid some attention and not tried to finish up so fast after I'd almost ended her life. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 8:35am - xmikex ""] So I'll tell this story in honor of Orgy since God only knows where this kid is to tell it himself. SO THE LEGEND GOES... he's chowing down on this girl (by which I mean the sexual act of cunnilingus and not actually eating this girl... if you've ever met Orgy you should know there's at least a couple reasons you need to clarify this). And all of a sudden he feels a crunching sensation in his mouth. Obviously not right. So he runs to the sink and starts spitting like a madman. He looks down in the sink and staring up at him is a pretty sizable bug laying there with it's legs kicking in the air. I don't know weather he puked, ran out of there, or went back to work, but his nickname after that was Captain Crunch. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:10am - SteveOTB ""] In my highschool years I was friends with this girl and let me tell you she was a beast. Was atleast 5' 10" and had to weight 250+ and at the time I was like 5'8" 150lbs. So we're watching tv and I'm just kindof propped back and she starts reaching for me and undoing my pants so I said "eh whatever, fat chicks give good head" so she started giving me head and it was terrible. She didn't know what she was doing, she wanted to be with me and I wasn't having it what so ever. So next day I told her it was a mistake and I didn't want to be with her at all. She cried about it and all her friends were like "Steve you did the right thing, she was too obsessed with you". Another time I was at my friend's house hanging out and I was crashing there for the night because it was in RI and I'm from the border of NH so there was no way I was driving home that late at night. Anyway we're sharing her bed and my intensions were clearly sleeping because she had a massive bed I'm pretty sure for her massive body. Few weeks prior she was telling me about this thing called "keggels" which is like flexing the vag muscle. She was drunk so she decided she wanted to show me, so I said alright fine. I went in, didn't feel a thing because she clearly sucked at it she asked" do you want to" so I said while I'm in I might as well so I started to fuck her. She wanted me to kiss her but I wasn't having that, I was disgusted enough to begin with. She couldn't finish me off so for the remainder she gave me head until I did which was absolutely amazing and I still consider in my top 5 blow jobs so something good came out of it atleast. I've had plenty of questionable hook ups. It's the majority of my sexual experiences actually. I think I've only had sex with 2 girls I was proud of banging. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:13am - RichHorror ""] I am pleased at the level of hatred towards women on this board. The refusal to kiss during a bang is especially awesome. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:16am - Messerschmitt ""] i regret every bang because i end up with the chick forever |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:18am - Messerschmitt ""] strip clubs and hookers are the way to go if you don't want a fucking headache |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:24am - aaron_michael ""] drinking way too much, blacking out, waking up next to someone when you're both naked, and finding the nights events on your digital camera is priceless. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:34am - Yeti ""] yeah i fucked this dumpy chick one time, she was pretty but man was she dumpy. she had one normal looking boob and the other looked like its down syndrome sister. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:35am - Spaldino@werk ""] not exactly a "regrettable" thing... but the coolest thing ever said to me during/after the fact is "it feels like there's a football in my vagina". god i rule. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:37am - xmikex ""] Yeti said:yeah i fucked this dumpy chick one time, she was pretty but man was she dumpy. she had one normal looking boob and the other looked like its down syndrome sister. Did it call you "Quaid" and tell you to "start the reactor"? just sayin, it might explain a few things |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:39am - Yeti ""] hahahaha her vag however did share a striking resemblance to Kuato. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:53am - Granny_Monster ""] These tales and more should be comprised in a book. The book should be called "Regrettable Bangs" and should have pictures to correspond to each story. Rich, make it happen. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:57am - SteveOTB ""] I'm gonna have to say though that my most regretable bang was fucking a girl who was with enough guys for Jenna Jameson to say "jesus slow down". However she did tell me I was #2 out of all the guys she's been with so I can live with that. Thank god I wore a condom. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:59am - SteveOTB ""] RichHorror said:I am pleased at the level of hatred towards women on this board. The refusal to kiss during a bang is especially awesome. By the way I genuinely hate the whole female race. They do nothing but cause me problems. My new side project will consist of lyrics purely towards my disgust for that gender. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:09am - ~carina~ ""] so you fuck pigs and hate women? fuck you... |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:09am - Beorht-Dana ""] Reading this thread while eating oatmeal and a glass of orange juice was a bad idea. I feel ill. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:10am - ~carina~ ""] ps to sinister minister, good stories, i hope to read more! |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:13am - SteveOTB ""] ~carina~ said:so you fuck pigs and hate women? fuck you... I only hate women for the constant shit they put me through. If they didn't put me through such hell then I wouldn't hate them at all, I'd love them. But until they start treating me better I refuse to like them. Let me elaborate a little. I was brought up to have respect for women and treat them like ladies which I did. But when I did they would constantly walk all over me and treat me as if I was nothing. I'm always lied to, they play games with my head, they cheat on me, or just completely abandon me. I was nothing but nice to that whole gender for years and years years but then they kindof pushed me too far. I've lost all trust and respect in women for those ones who treated me like that. You may say it's not fair but I've yet to meet one girl who hasn't done that shit to me. How am I supposed to act after years of that shit? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:19am - ~carina~ ""] Well when i read that you genuinely hate the female race..that was pretty insulting to me. I'm sorry that you haven't met the right person yet, we're not all bad and we're not all crazy..ok ok maybe we are all crazy but to different degrees. =) |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:25am - xmikex ""] Somebody from this board should hook up with a Craigslist personals lady just to add another story to this thread. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:26am - xmikex ""] This lady looks like Robert Duvall [img] |
| __________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:27am - Anthony ""] haha this thread is hilarious. i have had only good sexual experiences so I have nothing to contribute, but please keep em comin people. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:27am - xmikex ""] Tom Araya [img] |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:27am - SteveOTB ""] I don't like having that outlook on women but they gave me no choice. Maybe one day I'll meet some girl who will change that but until that day comes I don't see it happening at all. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:28am - xmikex ""] Girl with hump... wants to hump [img] |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:30am - ~carina~ ""] __________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:27am - Anthony] haha this thread is hilarious. i have had only good sexual experiences so I have nothing to contribute, but please keep em comin people. ~~~ ditto...keep 'em coming indeed! I was expecting Rich to have more stories given that he made the thread.. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:32am - hybrid ""] about a week after i graduated high school i fooled around with this girl who was 15, at the time i was 17. she had the hugest tits and i wanted to see them for so long, so i did, and they were huge. the only thing i regretted is that she gave the worst head imaginable. no hand coordination, it was just mouth. i can't do that shit. their is NOTHING i hate more than a bad blowjob. it just stays with you for days, weeks, even years. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:41am - Granny_Monster ""] SteveOTB said:I don't like having that outlook on women but they gave me no choice. Maybe one day I'll meet some girl who will change that but until that day comes I don't see it happening at all. Well, your current outlook on the subject is going to make a lot of women, both good and bad, think ill of you so your chances of finding someone great might be slim. I don't know you, maybe you don't actively and outwardly hate women in real life and just keep it inside until they fuck something up... Jeez, I need to do another advice column :spineyes: |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:51am - dreadkill ""] hybrid said:about a week after i graduated high school i fooled around with this girl who was 15, at the time i was 17. she had the hugest tits and i wanted to see them for so long, so i did, and they were huge. the only thing i regretted is that she gave the worst head imaginable. no hand coordination, it was just mouth. i can't do that shit. their is NOTHING i hate more than a bad blowjob. it just stays with you for days, weeks, even years. i hate handjobs more than a bad blowsy. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:54am - Murph nli ""] My current girlfriend and I had been in a terrible car accident in late 2005 which almost killed us both. We were bumpin' uglies about 2 months later (I'll say now, she's only about 5'0" because itll make the anatomical basis of this plausible) and I turned in the bed to change position and I guess caught her with my leg. She flew off the bed and landed on the floor, on her neck, and then slammed into the wall. In the dark it looked like I threw a Wrestling Buddy. Luckily, she was relatively unharmed and we continued the coitus, but I am still waiting for strike three. Car accident, sex, the next blooper will be priceless. Which would pretty much ruin everything because she's amazing and fantastically attractive. NOW FEED ME A SAD HANDJOB TALE, FULL OF WOE AND SQUANDERED POTENTIAL! |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:55am - Messerschmitt ""] do any chicks have any regrettable bangs or what |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:58am - Messerschmitt ""] i remember the first time i heard a chick queef while banging. i said "did you just fucking fart" |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:58am - SteveOTB ""] Murph nli said:My current girlfriend and I had been in a terrible car accident in late 2005 which almost killed us both. We were bumpin' uglies about 2 months later (I'll say now, she's only about 5'0" because itll make the anatomical basis of this plausible) and I turned in the bed to change position and I guess caught her with my leg. She flew off the bed and landed on the floor, on her neck, and then slammed into the wall. In the dark it looked like I threw a Wrestling Buddy. Luckily, she was relatively unharmed and we continued the coitus, but I am still waiting for strike three. Car accident, sex, the next blooper will be priceless. Which would pretty much ruin everything because she's amazing and fantastically attractive. NOW FEED ME A SAD HANDJOB TALE, FULL OF WOE AND SQUANDERED POTENTIAL! I'm pretty sure that if she's still with you now even after all that she's gonna stick with you for a long time. Hell me and my friend got into a car accident before and like 2 weeks later she told me she can't talk to me anymore. What the fuck is that? |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:59am - SteveOTB ""] Granny_Monster said:SteveOTB said:I don't like having that outlook on women but they gave me no choice. Maybe one day I'll meet some girl who will change that but until that day comes I don't see it happening at all. Well, your current outlook on the subject is going to make a lot of women, both good and bad, think ill of you so your chances of finding someone great might be slim. I don't know you, maybe you don't actively and outwardly hate women in real life and just keep it inside until they fuck something up... Jeez, I need to do another advice column :spineyes: No I don't actively and outwarly hate women. I mainly keep it to myself and online ranting. Because of women I've learned to never trust anyone until they sure as hell earn it. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:02pm - dreadkill ""] Murph nli said:MIn the dark it looked like I threw a Wrestling Buddy. hilarious |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:04pm - Murph nli ""] I know and respect a girl I used to be with who's queefs sound like an old man's voice saying "GUFF." In fact, she's one of my all-time favorite people. She just has hilarious air emitting from her privates. GUFF. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:08pm - SinisterMinister ""] dreadkill said:i hate handjobs more than a bad blowsy. I remember hooking up with a girl for this first time and she reached down and started yanking, much to my disdain. Well, I guess the look on my face must have given me away, she asked if there was a problem, I remarked: "I'd like to quote a very wise man here... A hand job's a man's job, yo job's a blowjob." She then laughed, quickly gathered her things and took off. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:27pm - Granny_Monster ""] SteveOTB said:Granny_Monster said:SteveOTB said:I don't like having that outlook on women but they gave me no choice. Maybe one day I'll meet some girl who will change that but until that day comes I don't see it happening at all. Well, your current outlook on the subject is going to make a lot of women, both good and bad, think ill of you so your chances of finding someone great might be slim. I don't know you, maybe you don't actively and outwardly hate women in real life and just keep it inside until they fuck something up... Jeez, I need to do another advice column :spineyes: No I don't actively and outwarly hate women. I mainly keep it to myself and online ranting. Because of women I've learned to never trust anyone until they sure as hell earn it. That's healthy enough, then. I'm actually the same way, but with everyone, not just one gender. And no, I haven't had any really regrettable sexual encounters. Nothing worth mentioning, anyway. As for my bangs? I like 'em and have never been without them. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:30pm - Messerschmitt ""] you're no fun |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:57pm - Yeti ""] SinisterMinister said:dreadkill said:i hate handjobs more than a bad blowsy. I remember hooking up with a girl for this first time and she reached down and started yanking, much to my disdain. Well, I guess the look on my face must have given me away, she asked if there was a problem, I remarked: "I'd like to quote a very wise man here... A hand job's a man's job, yo job's a blowjob." She then laughed, quickly gathered her things and took off. that is fucking awesome. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:42pm - anonymous ""] One was some married broad from New Hampshire. Kinda lumpy with a too-freckle filled face. I honestly fucked her just because she was married and hoped it would get back to her husband and that her husband would beat her. was her name Monica? |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:44pm - xanonymousx ""] RichHorror said:Pictures. you are crazy rich. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:57pm - anonymous ""] Murph nli said:My current girlfriend and I had been in a terrible car accident in late 2005 which almost killed us both. We were bumpin' uglies about 2 months later (I'll say now, she's only about 5'0" because itll make the anatomical basis of this plausible) and I turned in the bed to change position and I guess caught her with my leg. She flew off the bed and landed on the floor, on her neck, and then slammed into the wall. In the dark it looked like I threw a Wrestling Buddy. Luckily, she was relatively unharmed and we continued the coitus, but I am still waiting for strike three. Car accident, sex, the next blooper will be priceless. Which would pretty much ruin everything because she's amazing and fantastically attractive. NOW FEED ME A SAD HANDJOB TALE, FULL OF WOE AND SQUANDERED POTENTIAL! psssshttt. the car accident story is way better IN FULL. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:59pm - cav nli ""] anonymous! must have restarted my computer and forgot to log back in. last post was me. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:09pm - Frank Shamrock ""] Kiss her where it smells......... take her to Gloucester. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:55pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i almost broke my wrist during sex. that would have been an awkward explanation to the doctors. i have also miscalculated certain thrusts and such, which i'm sure many dudes can relate to. erections are not to be bent. if a book is made of all this stuff, i want to illustrate it, hahaha |
| __________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:57pm - SteveOTB ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:i almost broke my wrist during sex. that would have been an awkward explanation to the doctors. i have also miscalculated certain thrusts and such, which i'm sure many dudes can relate to. erections are not to be bent. if a book is made of all this stuff, i want to illustrate it, hahaha I've been in those shoes before. Girl was riding me and she bounced waaaaa toooo high and came crashing down on it. My cock hurt for like 3 weeks straight afterwards. So much for my first time having unprotected sex. She would call me up for booty calls. That was nice. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 4:00pm - Granny_Monster ""] MarkFuckingRichards said: if a book is made of all this stuff, i want to illustrate it, hahaha Actually, yeah! Illustrations would be much better for something like this. Rich, seriously, make it happen! |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 4:03pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] haha goddamn. two things that should make every man wince in pain are hearing about/seeing someone get kicked in the balls or bending a hard-on. this wasn't regrettable by any means, but fucking scared me shitless... i decided to try trojan supras, the polyeurithane (sp?) ones because i was told it doesn't feel like you even have a condom on. as i was finishing i said, "damn, these really do make it feel like there's no condom." when i pulled out to clean up, the condom was torn to fucking shreds. the only part left on me was the ring with a few little shreds hanging off. i think i stood there for 5 minutes in complete awe. my girlfriend just laughed uncontrollably because she wanted to believe it was a joke. thank fucking god there was no pregnancy. after that, and getting the circulation cut off by regular condoms i just decided to go old school. pulling out is the only way to go. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 4:15pm - Murph nli ""] anonymous said:Murph nli said:My current girlfriend and I had been in a terrible car accident in late 2005 which almost killed us both. We were bumpin' uglies about 2 months later (I'll say now, she's only about 5'0" because itll make the anatomical basis of this plausible) and I turned in the bed to change position and I guess caught her with my leg. She flew off the bed and landed on the floor, on her neck, and then slammed into the wall. In the dark it looked like I threw a Wrestling Buddy. Luckily, she was relatively unharmed and we continued the coitus, but I am still waiting for strike three. Car accident, sex, the next blooper will be priceless. Which would pretty much ruin everything because she's amazing and fantastically attractive. NOW FEED ME A SAD HANDJOB TALE, FULL OF WOE AND SQUANDERED POTENTIAL! psssshttt. the car accident story is way better IN FULL. David. You be nice now! That's the type of shit that can get a man killed. Or worse. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 4:51pm - cav nli ""] hahah |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 5:31pm - davefromthegrave ""] Murph nli said:I know and respect a girl I used to be with who's queefs sound like an old man's voice saying "GUFF." In fact, she's one of my all-time favorite people. She just has hilarious air emitting from her privates. GUFF. Is her name Andrea? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 5:49pm - Murph nli ""] davefromthegrave said:Murph nli said:I know and respect a girl I used to be with who's queefs sound like an old man's voice saying "GUFF." In fact, she's one of my all-time favorite people. She just has hilarious air emitting from her privates. GUFF. Is her name Andrea? No. But I am getting the sense there are more out there. How...intriguing. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 5:54pm - davefromthegrave ""] ok just checking. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 6:19pm - Kevord ""] One of mt exgirlfriends used to piss herself whenever she was drunk and we fucked. I was usually trashed too at the time so I kind of got used to it even though it wasn't a turn on. I always cleaned my sheets the next day and cleaned my bed. After we broke up it took over a year before a girl asked me why my bedroom always smelled like piss. I guess everyone just assumed I peed the bed and were too afraid to say anything. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 8:20pm - Archaeon ""] i'm surprised no one has spoke of trannies |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 8:36pm - davefromthegrave ""] xmikex said:This lady looks like Robert Duvall [img] I think she looks more like ted turner |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 8:47pm - DrewBlood ""] ya know how girls like to be on top every now and then and how its great because you can see them getting all worked up and naked? yeah, well my ex used to sit on my dick. it didn't find its way it. she'd fucking sit on it then give me this 'oops, sorry!' bullshit. christ that hurt. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:19pm - Rhys ""] [img] |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:36pm - hungtableed ""] RichHorror said:I am pleased at the level of hatred towards women on this board. The refusal to kiss during a bang is especially awesome. hahahahahaa. what an astute observation. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:41pm - hungtableed ""] ~carina~ said:__________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:27am - Anthony] haha this thread is hilarious. i have had only good sexual experiences so I have nothing to contribute, but please keep em comin people. ~~~ ditto...keep 'em coming indeed! I was expecting Rich to have more stories given that he made the thread.. aye. I never fucked an ugly or a fat broad, but I am heavily enjoying reading this thread. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:02pm - xmikex ""] DrewBlood said:ya know how girls like to be on top every now and then and how its great because you can see them getting all worked up and naked? yeah, well my ex used to sit on my dick. it didn't find its way it. she'd fucking sit on it then give me this 'oops, sorry!' bullshit. christ that hurt. ow. what an asshole. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:22am - miscegenator ""] Yeah, you guys go more for the pathetic lays than I do. It's usually easier to wait and simply date a high-class woman, as that way you actually get emotional and sexual satisfaction at the same time. I'm sorry you people are stranded fucking pigs, whores, sluts, HIV merchants and mulattoes/negroes, but life just has been very fortunate for me and I thank God everyday. (Just kidding about the Jewish god thankery -- HAIL SATAN!) From 1987-1993 a powerful subset of the death metal scene flourished in Sweden, thanks to a comfortingly depressing climate, public funding and a society able to tolerate such nihilistic music. These bands took the simple chunky blasting of American death metal bands and put its structural evolution to a new type of sound that relied on the fast strumming of chords and heavy digital distortion to overlap harmonic layers into smooth, columnar sounds. http://www.anus.com/metal/about/sweden |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:39am - SinisterMinister ""] miscegenator said:Yeah, you guys go more for the pathetic lays than I do. It's usually easier to wait and simply date a high-class woman, as that way you actually get emotional and sexual satisfaction at the same time. I'm sorry you people are stranded fucking pigs, whores, sluts, HIV merchants and mulattoes/negroes, but life just has been very fortunate for me and I thank God everyday. (Just kidding about the Jewish god thankery -- HAIL SATAN!) You are very gay.:whipper: |
| __________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:59am - powerkok ""] these are truly regretable bangs: [img] |
| __________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 2:00am - powerkok ""] Thatd be like fucking Moe, with a mullet. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:27am - miscegenator ""] SinisterMinister said:You are very gay.:whipper: You're a mulatto. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:37am - MadOakDevin ""] I don't regret this one at all, but i just read a few blooper stories. this one time I was having sex with those free planned parenthood condoms. the ones that only cover the head of the dick. I swear to god no real man could fit in them. Anyway I pull out and there is no condom... it was up there somewhere. Somehow it ended up being my duty to stick two fingers up there and pull the thing out, which wasn't so easy. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:44am - RichHorror ""] haha, yeah. I've had that experience many a time. |
| _____________________________ [Jan 24,2007 5:38am - Dar ""] this is the best thread I've seen here in a long time my only regrettable bangs have been ex girlfriends where I failed to resist the temptation and then just didn't enjoy it and maybe had to deal with some awkward emotional aftermath, but no real juicy stories on the condom breaking note, I had a 16 year old girlfriend who was a virgin before she met me and maybe the second or third time we were at it I pulled out after a glorious orgasm to witness a pile of shredded latex...man, nothin kills the buzz like that I felt horrible at the time but i can't say I regret it, no harm no foul |
| _____________________________ [Jan 24,2007 5:41am - Dar ""] oh well I had an ex who was then dating one my best friends, and after a night of torturing both of them I fucked her while he was sleeping in my room he heard us and came down when we were on our second go, but just went back to sleep can't say I regret that either, I felt like a pimp and it's now a great story if you get it with all the details that i'm too tired to type |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:02am - RichHorror ""] anonymous said:One was some married broad from New Hampshire. Kinda lumpy with a too-freckle filled face. I honestly fucked her just because she was married and hoped it would get back to her husband and that her husband would beat her. was her name Monica? No... I'm thinking it was Patty? I don't really remember. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:02am - RichHorror ""] xanonymousx said:RichHorror said:Pictures. you are crazy rich. I have needs. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:04am - RichHorror ""] ~carina~ said:I was expecting Rich to have more stories given that he made the thread.. The bigger dirtbag you are, the less you regret. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:08am - RichHorror ""] Kevord said:One of mt exgirlfriends used to piss herself whenever she was drunk and we fucked. I was usually trashed too at the time so I kind of got used to it even though it wasn't a turn on. I always cleaned my sheets the next day and cleaned my bed. After we broke up it took over a year before a girl asked me why my bedroom always smelled like piss. I guess everyone just assumed I peed the bed and were too afraid to say anything. Every girl I have banged more than a handful of times has pissed during cunnilingus at least a few times. I usually open my mouth really wide and try to drink it all so it doesn't make a mess of the bed. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:17am - RichHorror ""] Granny_Monster said:MarkFuckingRichards said: if a book is made of all this stuff, i want to illustrate it, hahaha Actually, yeah! Illustrations would be much better for something like this. Rich, seriously, make it happen! Stop telling me how to live. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:20am - RichHorror ""] Granny_Monster said:Well, your current outlook on the subject is going to make a lot of women, both good and bad, think ill of you so your chances of finding someone great might be slim. Who needs someone great when there's escort services? Eh? EH?! Yeah, that's right. Get outta here, you crazy faggot. I am so tired. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:51am - davefromthegrave ""] RichHorror said:~carina~ said:I was expecting Rich to have more stories given that he made the thread.. The bigger dirtbag you are, the less you regret. depending on your perspective, this outlook can be either uplifting and enlightening or despicable. You really are my hero, Rich. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 7:52am - RichHorror ""] I wish a girl would urinate in my mouth. I will accept that as payment. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 8:07am - RichHorror ""] Peemonade. |
| _____________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:13pm - pam ""] I just read this entire thread. Wow. The fat girls molesting passed out/sleeping people is totally true. I lived with one for a year, and she pilled up my drunk friend until he was immobile and was sticking her hands in his pants and shit. He woke up later in bed with her, freaked out, and slept on the living room floor. We made fun of him for months. If there's a heffer at the party, watch yourself! The handjobs I don't get...what is this...sixth grade? Who really gives hand jobs??? |
| ______________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:15pm - Yeti ""] a friend of mine is also the victim of being taken advantage of by fat girls while passed out drunk. |
| _____________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:17pm - pam ""] Kevord said:One of mt exgirlfriends used to piss herself whenever she was drunk and we fucked. I was usually trashed too at the time so I kind of got used to it even though it wasn't a turn on. I always cleaned my sheets the next day and cleaned my bed. After we broke up it took over a year before a girl asked me why my bedroom always smelled like piss. I guess everyone just assumed I peed the bed and were too afraid to say anything. That's grounds for a cunt-punt and immediate break up. You're a filthy bastard. |
| _____________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:19pm - pam ""] Yeti said:a friend of mine is also the victim of being taken advantage of by fat girls while passed out drunk. Living with a fat girl was kinda fascinating and disgusting at the same time. I mean, they will fuck anyone. This one picked up dirtbags off adultfriendfinder.com and just fucked em...one after another. She'd come out with us in like tiny skirts and corsets and shit....ugh. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:22pm - ~carina~ ""] what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... |
| _____________________________ [Jan 24,2007 1:30pm - pam ""] hahahha, that's amazing. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 2:38pm - MassOfTwoSlits nli ""] Kevord said:One of mt exgirlfriends used to piss herself whenever she was drunk and we fucked. I was usually trashed too at the time so I kind of got used to it even though it wasn't a turn on. I always cleaned my sheets the next day and cleaned my bed. After we broke up it took over a year before a girl asked me why my bedroom always smelled like piss. I guess everyone just assumed I peed the bed and were too afraid to say anything. There's something to be said about waterproof mattress pads. A 'must have' for people that piss themselves or sleep with people who do. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 2:52pm - the_reverend ""] carina: I tried finding that thread. it was silky that did it. I stumbled across that thread not to long ago. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:03pm - MadOakDevin ""] pam said:I just read this entire thread. Wow. The fat girls molesting passed out/sleeping people is totally true. I lived with one for a year, and she pilled up my drunk friend until he was immobile and was sticking her hands in his pants and shit. He woke up later in bed with her, freaked out, and slept on the living room floor. We made fun of him for months. If there's a heffer at the party, watch yourself! The handjobs I don't get...what is this...sixth grade? Who really gives hand jobs??? I accept handjobs due to the humor of me saying "i got a handjob from ____." That and sometimes that puss is on the rag, which is a way worse horror story than getting a handjob. Maybe she's parched. I don't want a dry BJ. It's funny if youre on her bed and you get it all on her sheets and she has to clean them before her boyfriend finds out. BWAHAHAHAHA. the possibilities are endless. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:11pm - the_reverend ""] ok, I tried a couple of things and could find it. I know it was silky and there were NH people outside the window laughing. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:13pm - ~carina~ ""] Jan 24,2007 2:52pm - the_reverend] carina: I tried finding that thread. it was silky that did it. I stumbled across that thread not to long ago ~~~ yep i know it was him i remember that he posted in the thread, i forget who created it but i searched through some of his posts and couldn't find it (didn't have a lot of time to look though) ps: i was waiting how long it would take you to see what i typed and reply to it hah! |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 3:22pm - the_reverend ""] found it, it's in the last place I would have though to look... the never ending thread of death |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 5:28pm - davefromthegrave ""] Rich, you bastard. I was laughing my ass off about your story all day long. I couldn't even get any work done. I had to share the story with one of my co workers and it took me like 30 minutes to tell cause I couldn't stop giggling. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 5:41pm - Kevord ""] pam said:Kevord said:One of mt exgirlfriends used to piss herself whenever she was drunk and we fucked. I was usually trashed too at the time so I kind of got used to it even though it wasn't a turn on. I always cleaned my sheets the next day and cleaned my bed. After we broke up it took over a year before a girl asked me why my bedroom always smelled like piss. I guess everyone just assumed I peed the bed and were too afraid to say anything. That's grounds for a cunt-punt and immediate break up. You're a filthy bastard. I'd fuck her right now. That chick was into doing crazy shit. Pluss she was a squirter. Half the time she didn't know whether it was piss or girly cum. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 24,2007 6:11pm - Troll ""] Regrettable Bangs? There is no such thing. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 24,2007 6:17pm - Troll ""] RichHorror said: I get up, wipe the cum off my dick with a hand towel and throw it at her head so she can clean up. I then put my pants back on and tell her I had to work early in the morning and should get her back home. This was funny because she knew I didn't have a job. this had me in stiches |
| __________________________________ [Jan 24,2007 10:03pm - Mackey ""] Im working on hooking up with some bitch from craigslist right now. Ill post the details soon. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 5:19am - RichHorror ""] As far as I know, nothing good has come of a craigslist connection. Ever. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 5:20am - Mackey ""] Well I dont know. Shes 19 and says shes "chubby" HAHA Lets see if I can add another funny fat bitch story. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 5:22am - RichHorror ""] Yeah. It's been my experience when a girl says she's 'chubby' it's ALWAYS an understatement. In my younger years I would think/hope everytime it was just a case of low self-esteem... but sadly, no. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 5:29am - Mackey ""] BTW, that was the best myspace story ever told. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 5:31am - RichHorror ""] My privates will never be clean of the vile fat. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 8:20am - xmikex ""] Anybody remember that cyber sex convo that was originally posted on the Relapse board and floated around the internet for a while? It was some guy talking this 16 year old albino girl into cybering. The whole thing starts to build up and she's getting all into it when the dude slips into this Ghostbusters scenario. She completely flips out, and it ruled. I can't quote it exact obviously, but at one point he says "Now Ray and Egon are sneaking up behind you to blast your pasty ass." I'm sure that will go down as one of the albino girl's "regrettable bangs". |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 8:39am - hahahaha ""] Jul 8,2004 11:48am - the_reverend] carina just sent me this: http://www.bridge9.com/forum/viewtopic.php...id=6683414f8de96f75caa1b79ea76e7621 scroll down a bit... ewwww!!!! ________________________________ [Jul 8,2004 12:09pm - Josh_hates_you] hahaha that is even funnier the second time i see it cause there is a whole thread about the ho bag _____________________________ [Jul 8,2004 1:16pm - the_reverend] really? link me to it. ____________________________ [Jul 8,2004 1:24pm - RustedAngel] heh it was here : http://www.livejournal.com/~metalmetal/144612.html but she has it protected now... there was like 200 comments on that journal entry. ______________________ [Jul 8,2004 2:33pm - silky] I want my underpants back. ______________________ [Jul 8,2004 2:33pm - silky] I want my underpants back. _______________________ [Jul 8,2004 4:19pm - assuck] this thread is kickin ass _______________________ [Jul 8,2004 4:21pm - Abbath] that girl makes me want to puke and that guys penis is small ______________________ [Jul 8,2004 4:49pm - silky] I'm irish, what do you expect. her fat fucking head makes it look even smaller. _________________________ [Jul 8,2004 4:55pm - succubus] i didn't know you were "silky"..i linked that to aaron and said.."didn't you introduce me to this guy?"..and he told me who you were and reminded me of the car ride after the icc show ______________________ [Jul 8,2004 5:01pm - silky] that's me. _____________________________ [Jul 8,2004 5:02pm - the_reverend] this is hilarious for so many reasons... like knowing the people outside the window... like that being tim s... "does it burn?" [IMG] AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT BURNS!!!!! _____________________________ [Jul 8,2004 5:03pm - the_reverend] ps: if your goal was to "rodeo clown" I think you failed... by like 5 drinks. ______________________ [Jul 8,2004 5:06pm - silky] I only got head. and jonathan made out with her after I finnished. eww. _____________________________ [Jul 8,2004 5:27pm - the_reverend] ahahahahaha _________________________ [Jul 8,2004 5:29pm - succubus] eww is right..but one of the pics looks like you were humping a bit (the one where we see yer crack a little) |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 8:40am - anonymous ""] xmikex said:Anybody remember that cyber sex convo that was originally posted on the Relapse board and floated around the internet for a while? It was some guy talking this 16 year old albino girl into cybering. The whole thing starts to build up and she's getting all into it when the dude slips into this Ghostbusters scenario. She completely flips out, and it ruled. I can't quote it exact obviously, but at one point he says "Now Ray and Egon are sneaking up behind you to blast your pasty ass." I'm sure that will go down as one of the albino girl's "regrettable bangs". dood u gotta find this..it sounds great |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 8:45am - the_reverend ""] VictimX_27: Hi there! cheesedog: HEYA! VictimX_27: What u up 2? cheesedog: Nice English. cheesedog: Did you learn that on the short bus? VictimX_27: Get fucked cheesedog: I'm just joking relax VictimX_27: cheesedog: What's your name? VictimX_27: Whats yours? cheesedog: I asked you first. VictimX_27: I asked you second cheesedog: Did I time just warp to middle school? VictimX_27: huh cheesedog: Never mind. My name is Johnny cheesedog: Johnny Cheesedog VictimX_27: Thats not your real name cheesedog: Why isn't that my real name? VictimX_27: No one has the name Cheesedog as a last name cheesedog: Well I do. Whats wrong with it? VictimX_27: Nothin i suppose VictimX_27: Is that your real pic in that av? cheesedog: Yes it is VictimX_27: Very handsome cheesedog: Thanks VictimX_27: You kinda look like eminem cheesedog: Fuck you. VictimX_27: HEY! I meant that in a good way VictimX_27: I think eminem is hot! cheesedog: Oh. You think I'm hot? VictimX_27: Yeah cheesedog: What do you look like? cheesedog: Do you have a pic? VictimX_27: I don't show my picture to anyone cheesedog: Why not? VictimX_27: Cause I'm ugly cheesedog: I won't make fun of you VictimX_27: Its not that. I just don't like my looks cheesedog: So you have no self-esteem, huh? cheesedog: Is that what you're saying? VictimX_27: I just don't think I'm pretty cheesedog: Let me be the judge of that. VictimX_27: Nahhh cheesedog: Then describe yourself. VictimX_27: Why do u wanna know what I look like? cheesedog: Because I think you're nice cheesedog: I want to picture you in my head while I'm talking to you. VictimX_27: LMAO!! You don't want 2 picture me. Trust me cheesedog: Why not? VictimX_27: I told you. I'm ugly. cheesedog: Well... I think you're beautiful on the inside. VictimX_27: You don't even know me cheesedog: I'm a pretty good judge of character VictimX_27: Then why do u need 2 see me? cheesedog: I just wanted to know thats all cheesedog: If you aren't comfortable with it... thats fine. VictimX_27: You don't understand cheesedog: Is it that bad? VictimX_27: YESSSSS cheesedog: Ok then. I'm gonna picture you as Weezy from the Jeffersons. cheesedog: She is the bomb! cheesedog: She makes me hot just thinking about her! VictimX_27: Wheezy? cheesedog: Yep. Weezy. VictimX_27: Who is that? cheesedog: George's wife. VictimX_27: Who is george cheesedog: George Jefferson. From the Jeffersons. cheesedog: Are you fucking deaf? VictimX_27: Who are the Jeffersons? cheesedog: Oh lord. Here we go VictimX_27: wut? cheesedog: You don't know who the Jeffersons are? VictimX_27: Should I? cheesedog: Yes. VictimX_27: Well I don't. cheesedog: FISH DONT FRY IN THE KITCHEN! BEANS DONT BURN ON THE GREEEELL... VictimX_27: huhhh? cheesedog: TOOK A WHOOOOLE LOTTA LU UH VINNNN. JUST TO GET UP THAT HEEEELL VictimX_27: Wut the hell are you saying? cheesedog: Hold on a second cheesedog: Here you go. *PIC* VictimX_27: Thats her? cheesedog: Yep VictimX_27: I don't look anything like that cheesedog: SHUT UP! You're ruining my fantasy! VictimX_27: LOL. You're funny. cheesedog: What's funny? VictimX_27: u r cheesedog: I'm glad I entertain you VictimX_27: me 2 cheesedog: So if you don't look like Weezy, what do you look like? VictimX_27: u don't give up do u? cheesedog: Never VictimX_27: I'm the exact opposite of her cheesedog: ??? VictimX_27: I'm very white cheesedog: Thats cool, my white anti-soul sista' VictimX_27: LOL cheesedog: I can dig white chicks too, I guess. VictimX_27: I'm whiter than most cheesedog: really? VictimX_27: I'm an albino cheesedog: a what? VictimX_27: u don't know what that is? cheesedog: I've heard the word before VictimX_27: I have no pigment in my skin, eyes or hair VictimX_27: So I'm all white cheesedog: This is bullshit VictimX_27: I'm serious! VictimX_27: You've never seen an albino before? cheesedog: No. Where do they live? Albinia? VictimX_27: No, we live all over. cheesedog: Then how come I've never seen any VictimX_27: Lucky I suppose cheesedog: Send me your picture. I wanna know what an albino looks like. VictimX_27: I'll send you a picture of one but not me cheesedog: Ok VictimX_27: Here u go *PIC* cheesedog: Whoa. Thats freaky VictimX_27: See why I don't send my picture out? cheesedog: there's nothing wrong with it. cheesedog: It doesn't make you ugly cheesedog: This chick is kind of hot actually. VictimX_27: Thank u cheesedog: No problem cheesedog: Her, not you. I don't know what you look like. VictimX_27: Are you gonna be on in 3 hours? cheesedog: Yes VictimX_27: I have to go to the mall with my sister VictimX_27: Will you be here when I get back? cheesedog: S ure. Then I'll sex you up. VictimX_27: Gee thanks. LOL cheesedog: I'm serious VictimX_27: We'll see. cheesedog: Yes we will. VictimX_27: Bye for now! cheesedog: Make sure you wear some sunscreen. VictimX_27: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT> About 3 hours later... VictimX_27: HEY! cheesedog: Hello there VictimX_27: I'm back cheesedog: Have fun at the mall? VictimX_27: Yeah. I got some new shoes cheesedog: Interesting VictimX_27: Not really. Just shoes cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now? VictimX_27: LOL cheesedog: Is that a yes? VictimX_27: Could be VictimX_27: cheesedog: HOT DAMN! cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your.. VictimX_27: WOAH! Slow down cowboy cheesedog: Why? VictimX_27: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want cheesedog: What do you mean? VictimX_27: You're not going to ignore me later are you? cheesedog: Of course not. cheesedog: I like you. VictimX_27: I don't even know how old you are. cheesedog: I'm 27. Now.... cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers VictimX_27: WAIT! cheesedog: They get hard again... what? VictimX_27: Don't you wanna know anything about me first? VictimX_27: Like what I like? cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up. VictimX_27: That didn't sound convincing. cheesedog: YES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW!!! VictimX_27: Now u r being a smartass VictimX_27: Just give me a minute cheesedog: ok VictimX_27: I'm back cheesedog: np VictimX_27: thank you cheesedog: So what do you like? VictimX_27: Ummmm being licked cheesedog: Where? VictimX_27: Everywhere cheesedog: Any place in particular? VictimX_27: uhhh yeah cheesedog: tell me VictimX_27: on my clit cheesedog: OK! cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN! VictimX_27: I also like being done from behind cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh. cheesedog: Ok. Check this out. cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building. cheesedog: No is around. Its all quiet. VictimX_27: Uh huh cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand across your clit cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy. cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage your pussy VictimX_27: oooohh mmmm cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole VictimX_27: yessss cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you. cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back. cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs* VictimX_27: ??? cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!! cheesedog: POW!! BZZZZZTTTTTPHTTTTTT!!! cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap.... VictimX_27: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!! cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!! cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in! VictimX_27: This isn't funny johnny! cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT! cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area** cheesedog: Slimer is in there too.. VictimX_27: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE! cheesedog: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP! cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass. cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!** VictimX_27: Never talk to me again! cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color VictimX_27: FUCK YOUUUU cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut! VictimX_27: SHUT UP AND FUCK YOUUUU!!!!! cheesedog: o wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore! VictimX_27: LEAVE ME ALONE!!! cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said. cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit. cheesedog: But there is already slime on your it!! cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!! cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF! VictimX_27: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them** VictimX_27: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT> |
| ________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:05am - xmikex ""] HAHAHAHAHAHA top drawer. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:05am - RichHorror ""] Yes, a classic. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:06am - pryoryofsyn ""] Rich Horror - disturbing story (the 2nd one)_ no rubber? brrr.. charming encounter. damn, Rev, that chatroom rape is impressive! you gotta post the pic she sent... |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:13am - Granny_Monster ""] BWAH ha ha ha ha! |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:18am - the_reverend ""] chat room rape? no clue what you are talking about. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:19am - RichHorror ""] I think he's talking about the Ghostbusters thing. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:22am - xmikex ""] That girl is a prude. She walked out just when shit was heating up |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:29am - Messerschmitt ""] haha pigmentless ass |
| __________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:33am - succubus ""] ______________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:18am - the_reverend] chat room rape? no clue what you are talking about. ~~~ i think he is ASSUMING you are the one who chatted with the girl since you posted the convo haha |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:34am - the_reverend ""] anyone who thinks that's me has got another think coming. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:36am - succubus ""] as well as another thinG coming =) |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:41am - the_reverend ""] nope, another think coming. since they didn;t think enough in the first place. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:48am - Messerschmitt ""] what the fuck is going on here |
| __________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:53am - succubus ""] by the way..i tried clicking on the links but looks like they are both dead now. I'm not going to look through the NETOD though.. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 9:57am - the_reverend ""] [img] |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 10:02am - Messerschmitt ""] [img] |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 11:20pm - DREADkill ""] xmikex said:I can't quote it exact obviously, but at one point he says "Now Ray and Egon are sneaking up behind you to blast your pasty ass." that was my favorite thing ever when i first read it. i like the when the guy says "i put on my robe and wizard hat." |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 5:02am - RTTP_SWAT_TEAM ""] [img] |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 6:41am - thegreatspaldino ""] the_reverend said:[img] i almost want to trade in my eyes after seeing that one. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 2:41pm - xmikex ""] the_reverend said:[img] mommy mommy the rhino's getting too close to the car |
| ______________________________ [Jan 26,2007 2:53pm - Lamp ""] DREADkill said:that was my favorite thing ever when i first read it. i like the when the guy says "i put on my robe and wizard hat." Bloodninja is great. http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:05pm - aaron_michael ""] I once slept with a married woman from CT. needless to say, I laughed at all of her stupid kid's jokes. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:18pm - nsnholmes ""] after having read that entire thread, i feel obligated to contribute at least something. nothing earth shattering, but.. about 5 or 6 years ago i met this chick off of craigslist. she said she was about 5'11 and had done some modeling in california and was around somerville just for the summer. we met up by a t stop and she was actually attractive, but she was more like 6'3 (i'm about 6'), which officially classifies her as a giant. we went to a bar and she insisted on making out after only a couple drinks. at some point i think i spilled a beer on her, and i was amazed when she didn't care at all. she came back to my place, but i didn't bang her because it was all too easy, so i wondered what kind of shit might be crawling from her crevace. we hung out again and she's in my bed and wants to fuck, so ok, let's go. she takes off her bra and she has probably the ugliest, saggiest tits i've ever seen. she then decides it's a good time to explain that she had boob REDUCTION surgery -- the desire to fuck her quickly vanished. it seriously looked like she had received a boob transplant from an 80 year old. point 1: having to look UP to kiss a chick is particularly emasculating. point 2: breast reduction surgery should be outlawed. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:26pm - ariavette ""] i dunno .. i think in some cases it is quite necessary... there is this chick here at my work prolly like 5 ft tall.. with the biggest tit's i have ever seen.. she's not even attractive at all actually.. but you can't help but stare.. like.. how are you not falling over right now.. they should be taken down.. .for the safety of others... |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:33pm - Granny_Monster ""] I know girls who've had it done and they look great! Either she went to a shitty doctor, or was lying to make up for the fact that her tits are shitty. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:35pm - Spaldino@werk ""] i wanna meet wicked tall broads |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:36pm - Granny_Monster ""] Lamp said:DREADkill said:that was my favorite thing ever when i first read it. i like the when the guy says "i put on my robe and wizard hat." Bloodninja is great. http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm Fucking hilarious! |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:40pm - nsnholmes ""] is it possible for the boob region to age 4x faster than the rest of the body? haha |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:43pm - the_reverend ""] carina had hers reduced. I believe they have grown more massive than before! |
| _________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:44pm - mcmahon ""] ariavette said:i dunno .. i think in some cases it is quite necessary... there is this chick here at my work prolly like 5 ft tall.. with the biggest tit's i have ever seen.. she's not even attractive at all actually.. but you can't help but stare.. like.. how are you not falling over right now.. they should be taken down.. .for the safety of others... it's true, she was a walking freak show. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:45pm - mcmahon ""] fuck, wrong quote. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 4:00pm - nsnholmes ""] another story. unfortunately i wasn't around when this went down, so i'm sure i'm missing some interesting details. my friend at college was obsessed with hot or not. he arranged to meet this girl, and apparently she showed up and looked nothing like the pictures she claimed were hers. instead of being a petite brunette, she was a tall beastly blonde. i don't know if it was because he felt bad or he really needed some action (or both), but he hung out with her anyway. that night, after plenty of booze i'm sure, he was messing around with her, and, I quote from him, "I start to put my finger in, and I'm like, 'What the fuck is that?'" a tampon string. she just let him go for it, no warning or anything, haha. and later on when they were sleeping, he woke up to her trying to yank his crank. i think at that point he moved to sleep on the floor. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 4:04pm - succubus ""] Jan 26,2007 3:33pm - Granny_Monster] I know girls who've had it done and they look great! Either she went to a shitty doctor, or was lying to make up for the fact that her tits are shitty. ~~~ exactly! |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 5:15pm - miscegenator ""] Apparently, too much breast weight can fuck up your back and get you into Yiddisch porn, so get 'em reduced, you top heavy girls. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 9:19pm - iren_the_viking ""] i took shrooms and banged a fat chick once, i dont know why i did it, but i did it. i guess i was curious, i had never been with a girl that weighed more than me...some people like fat chicks, and im glad i found out i was not one of those people. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 10:31pm - RichHorror ""] Tyler Murphy, Fat Chick Thrilla. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 10:48pm - the_reverend ""] and that fat chick became.. you guessed it, rich horror. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 11:24pm - RichHorror ""] Tyler wishes he could get some of this. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 11:47pm - the_reverend ""] well, there is enoug to go around |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 11:54pm - ConquerTheBaphomet ""] I have a drunk fat chick story but I'm not telling. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 27,2007 12:22am - Lamp ""] Hahaha, you actually told people on here you have a fat chick story so people would pay attention to you and try and get you to talk about your story so that way when you did actually tell it, it would get more attention and seem more dramatic to the untrained eye, hahahahahaha. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 27,2007 12:28am - Kevord ""] Everyone's had a couple of fatty's. They can't all be winners kid. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 27,2007 12:58am - Dar ""] Kevord said:Everyone's had a couple of fatty's. They can't all be winners kid. Lemmy really put it best with "I never went to bed with an ugly girl, but I've woken up with a few" that quote (even if I did butcher it, dunno) will stay with me forever |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 27,2007 8:50pm - mishylaroo ""] fetal position. weeping. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 2:23am - RichHorror ""] Shut up. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 7:48am - babyshaker nli ""] a buddy of mine had a simlilar story to that thing in the vagina. he was eating out the large broad when we where about 16 he said he felt a slight crunch and he felt somthing lodge in his braces he picked it out and said it looks like someone had take the shell off of an m&m and stuck it in her pussy....the worst part is...well i'll let you guess what somthing that looks like that would taste like....he said when he looked up at her with a "what the fuck face" she just started giggling liek it was funny...i woulda shoved the "M&M" back in her mouth if that was me |
| _________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 8:35am - Mackey ""] One time I went to a show in Meriden, CT at some place and me and this girl I wanted to bang ate an 1/8th of shrooms at the show. Florida=Death was playing which was fucking amazing tripping... but anyways, I get back to her place still tripping balls and we start getting naked and what the fuck is this? She had one awesome looking perfectly shaped breast... it was the right one cause I will never forget that but her left knocker, looked like a 2 week old balloon where the air had slowly escaped. Quite possibly the oddest thing I have ever seen. I was tripping my ass of so I banged her anyways, and a few times later that week. The image of that breast is permently cemented into my mind for the rest of my life. |
| ____________________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 7:13pm - ConquerTheBaphomet ""] Lamp said:Hahaha, you actually told people on here you have a fat chick story so people would pay attention to you and try and get you to talk about your story so that way when you did actually tell it, it would get more attention and seem more dramatic to the untrained eye, hahahahahaha. You don't understand sarcasm. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 4:51pm - RichHorror ""] TOP 4 corpus |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 5:43pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Not quite regrettable (I REGRET NOTHING), but it seems to fit the tone, here. Very many years ago, so don't grill me on the details. Spent a week out of town, I honestly don't remember where, but somewhere with no shower facilities. Came back to Boston. We don't have hot water in my apartment at the time (or a fucking phone, even), and it's winter, so fuck taking a shower at my place. Myself and the roommates attempt to go to some show upstairs at the Middle East, but it's sold out, like fire marshall getting called sold out. One roommate knows the guy at the door, who lets us into the downstairs show - some gawdawful ska show. Lots of wacky ska girls everywhere. I'm minding my own business, when through the several beers it dawns on me that I'm getting seriously hit on by this one girl. She's... well, she's a little rounder than I usually like, and I likes 'em thick. And her personality is... well, I'm sure she was a nice girl. However, it does come up in conversation that a) she lives at a dorm, where there is b) a shower, c) laundry, and d) a breakfast buffet. I'M FUCKING THERE. Long story short, 1 mildly awkward sexual encounter in the TV room with the doors barricaded (where she actually performed carnal acts on me but refused reciprocation I would've been perfectly willing to engage in - deal's a deal, after all) bought me a shower, a pair of borrowed windpants to wear while my crusty-ass clothes are in the laundry, and all the cafeteria food I can eat. I AM A MAN-WHORE EXTRAORDINAIRE. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 5:45pm - the_reverend ""] rich horror. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 5:47pm - the_reverend ""] rusted angel? wutthafuc |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 6:49pm - sinistas ""] Epic thread is epic. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 27,2008 7:45pm - yummy ""] I was unemployed and had no monies to do anything nor did I have any desire to. A friend said let's go to the bar, shoot some racks and I'll buy the beers. cool. I hadn't shaved for about 3 weeks nor showered in about a week. We get to the bar. After a couple pitchers and a few games of pool I'm talking to this girl playing next to us. Very cute. She said her and her boyfriend had been watching me and that he wanted to play me. I crushed him. He only got one shot the whole game and that was the break. I'm actually not that good anymore. anywho. He said I was lucky and suggested we play for money. I had none. My friend said he'd throw down and if I won I got the next pitcher. ok. what if I lose? you won't, he said. ok. I'm pullin masse shots out my ass and sinkin em. I win. Kid says double or nothing. ok. I beat him. He got really pissed and stormed out because his girlfriend was rootin for me (I guess I would have been too). He leaves. Yay! I have money. I thank the girl for convincing me to play her boyfriend and I buy her a drink. A few more drinks deep, we're outside smoking. I'm getting the "fuck me" eyes from her. All I had for dinner was beer and cigarettes so I had super dry mouth-dehydration. So, before anything could happen I tell her I'm goin to my car to get gum then I'm leaving soon. I grab the gum and put a piece in my mouth. I get out of my car and she's standing on the passenger side. She opens my door and gets in (which I thought was weird cuz I always lock my doors). whatever. All I'm thinking is, if you needed a ride you could have just asked.wtf. She says, are you getting in. I didn't answer, I just got in. Immediately upon getting in my car, her hand goes straight for my junk. HI.and you are? I got no more than 5 seconds of a kiss and head goes down. I stunk really bad. Hence the non showering. I smelled it. I don't see how she didn't. As I came in her mouth she did like a cough-sneeze and my babies shot out her nose. You haven't lived till you've seen that expression on someone's face. We get out I fix my shit and we go back into the bar. She said she worked at TGIFridays and I said I hate that place and left. Never got her name or number. But I did win $40 bucks, drank all night, and got a hummer. Not sure why I went this in depth especially seeing as the thread title is regrettable bangs. I didn't bang her but I also don't regret a thing. About a year ago I saw her boyfriend and played him again. He beat me. But, I felt like I won. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 8:23pm - TearsofGods ""] I met this girl last Sat. and spent the night at her house and pretty much fucked her all night and deep into late Sun. night when I had to leave. The first few times I hit that shit I wore a rubber but one time I yanked it out and the shit was SHREDDED like a motherfucker. Since then, I've been raw doggin' it - including last night when I fucked her from like 9pm to about 245am. I don't regret fuckin' her because she is hotter than a chilie fart, but, I kind of wish I did't have to end up bare backin' her because my dick is itchy now and is starting to smell funny. True story. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 8:50pm - unholy_dave ""] fuck eric stoltz, that right there is The Greatest Story Ever Told. why didn't you ever tell me that? |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 9:04pm - bradmann ""] this fat chick from high school. i ran into her at an ice cream stand and we hung out a few days later. got drunk in my basement watching something or other, and when she pulled out her tits her nipples were inverted. my dick was kind of rubbery after that, not to mention her vag was dry as a bone from the booze and i hit it with no rubber. she said she was on the pill so i busted inside her but who knows if that was true and i erased her number after that so i may have a kid/abortion floatin around out there. |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 9:06pm - bradmann ""] also yummy's story was good. in a similar vein, my friend was getting head in his car from this girl he met at a party once. she stopped at one point and told him she can deep throat so he pushed her head down (i guess a little too fast), she gagged and puked all over his crotch and his car. she has been known endearingly as Puke Chick ever since. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 28,2008 1:44am - yummy ""] Sorry Dave. I think I just try to tell you the stories that I am MOST proud of. Which usually have nothing to do with girls. The friend was Adam. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 8:57am - ellesauruswork ""] succubus said:i thought this was going to be about cutting bangs after growing out your hair and then regretting it i just loled about this one.. then all the ladies wanted ot know why i was laughing so i made them read rich's post.. hahaha now there's a regrettable bang discuss amongst the work crew. so good.. my only regret is banging baby daddy at the beginning of this year.. unsatisfying and akward. |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 9:30am - DestroyYouAlot ""] ellesauruswork said: succubus said:i thought this was going to be about cutting bangs after growing out your hair and then regretting it i just loled about this one.. then all the ladies wanted ot know why i was laughing so i made them read rich's post.. hahaha now there's a regrettable bang discuss amongst the work crew. so good.. my only regret is banging baby daddy at the beginning of this year.. unsatisfying and akward. For those of you who don't know, this is Baby Daddy: [img] Baby pimpin' ain't easy, y'know. SKEET SKEET SKEET |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 3:16pm - unholy_dave ""] yummy said:Sorry Dave. I think I just try to tell you the stories that I am MOST proud of. exactly why you should have told me. |
| _________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 7:35pm - Martins ""] Oh dear lord. I don't have any (regrettable) bang stories but I do have a shitty hand job story. Possibly the shittiest beyond the fact that it's a hand job story. It also involves shitty-tasting women. Let me start with the back story because it's weird. I went on a cruise with my family once and met this chick from Seattle. After the cruise, we communicate via AIM and the internet and she introduces me to some of her friends that way. A few years later (this past year), i find out that one of those friends is going to school in Worcester. I invite her up to Northeastern to hang out and watch a movie. We get back to my room (I was in a single which was sweet) and we put on Pan's Labyrinth (fucking sweet movie). Somehow, we end up in the gayest tickle fight ever. Eventually we start making out and she's completely naked. Meh. Not bad but definitely not good. HUGE TITS, though. So she starts jacking me off all shitty. I can't even get hard. I'm trying to reposition myself so that maybe she jacks me off better. Doesn't work. She starts rubbing my dick on the inside of her leg (we were lying side by side, making out). Doesn't really work. She grabs my dick like one of those bomb buttons that evil villains push before wicked explosions and starts rubbing the tip of mah thang with her thumb. I CAN NOT GET HARD. I'm like okay whatever this sucks. I ask her if I can eat her out and she's like go ahead. I go down and start licking and realize that her flesh lettuce is spoiled. I say "Fuck THAT shit" and commence making out again before she can respond. In a bit, I ask her to give me head. She says she didn't even give her ex-boyfriend head. Whatever. In a bit, I asked her again. Same thing. So I get up on top of her, and start jacking off my limp-ass dick. It eventually works and jizz the least-pleasing jizz on her chest. 2 roper. It blew. I get a paper towel, wipe off my dick, and wipe the jizz off her chest. She gets off the bed and starts putting clothes on. I take the bedsheets off and say, "I needed to clean the sheets anyway." So, I walk her to the train station and she goes back. Really awkward and regrettable right? Haha, that night I go to jack off and I see a red spot on my tip. What the hell? I hold off the pleasure and put it away. Next morning, it's all scabbed up and I can barely walk without feeling the pain. Following this incident, I started dating a different girl who would only give handjobs. After a month or so of decent handjobs and two great ones (as far as handjobs go), I dump her ass when she refuses to give me head. Made her feel shitty for 2 months. Next dude, I hope she gives head to. |
| ____________________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 9:45pm - TheFilthyFrenchman ""] I managed to bang a thick heifer on our recent tour. So we played a house party in Richmond Va, and somebody had set up a crocodile mile. I watched as several chicks ran down it, and then noticed this land beast preparing to take the plunge. She worked up a good amount of momentum and her fat roles took on a life of their own. She hit the crocodile mile at a slightly wrong angle and began to drift. As she hit the dirt her titty popped out and she rolled on the ground. I decided right there that I had to bang her. The night progressed and after a little corn whiskey and watching her deep throat our water gun penis from dave’s pants, I convinced her to let me sleep in her room. I jump into her bed in my underwear, but her equally fat necked friend won’t get the fuck out. I entertain the idea of a threesome (which would have looked funny as hell seeing as they had me by about 300 lbs), but I didn’t want to get a broken bone on tour so I waited till her friend left. So I start to bang her and everything is going hilariously as planned. Let me say for the record that fat chicks have remarkable pussies as they don’t see sunlight all that often. Her titties and butthole were under a constant barrage of slaps and thumbs, and I couldn’t believe that I had never gone hoggin before. At some point around 4 am she makes me stop so she can go get a glass of water. She takes fucking forever and then comes back up eating not one, but two hot dogs. The utter lack of shame in that room was mind blowing. She finished one and a half, and then put the remaining half on her night stand remarking “Ill keep this one for later”. I’ve never been more aroused. I jump back on the baconator but she makes me stop again, citing some bullshit about a job. I decide the only thing left to do is to stand up on her bed and blow a load all over her side, which I did receiving only mild protest. When I saw her the next morning sobered up, I wanted to give myself a good old fashioned event horizon eye gouging. I wouldn’t say I regret it, but I can only thank Natural Ice for guiding me through my darkest hours. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 10:33pm - RichHorror ""] This is why I'm sad our two bands don't play more shows together, Phil. |
| ____________________________________________ [Jun 30,2008 3:57am - TheFilthyFrenchman ""] we need to set up a show and only allow fat chicks in. maybe if we set it up at an old country buffet we could get a decent draw. plus it wouldn't take that many of them to look like a full show. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 30,2008 3:59am - RichHorror ""] I would beat the FUCK out of any slags that even THOUGHT about getting near my chicken fried steak. |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 30,2008 6:10am - I'm a girl ""] I was going down on this guy and moved down to lick his balls. When I got closer to his balls I noticed a shitty smell. I was like WTF? Something smelled like shit. I looked around for a while to figure out where the smell was coming from and then I saw it. He had dingleberries. On his nut sack. BJ was over. GTFO! Seriously dude. Learn how to wipe next time. |
| ________________________________________ [Jul 1,2008 9:45pm - pleasurecorpse ""] ~carina~ said:what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... ugh, you're quite the hypocrite! You were SO 'offended' by the comment made about hating women - to then turn around blatantly call a chick a fatty ... wow. Did you just NEED an apology because you felt like the comment was directly insulting you or are you just an attention seeking whore like the rest? |
| ____________________________________ [Jul 2,2008 12:36am - NoodleFace ""] None of my stories are quite as comical as all of these. The only regrettable one was my first girlfriend that I banged. Even though we were both 18, it just sucked rotten ass. I was just railing her, but she wouldn't move at all. I tried to change positions but she flat out refused. It took me 1 hour to finish the job... 1 fucking hour, pun intended. Last time I saw her she ballooned up like a goddamn whale and was in a clinic for trying to kill herself. |
| ________________________________________ [Jul 2,2008 12:38am - craigforacurse ""] kelly said:drinking + Quensryche don't mix! thats a whorish lie sullivan! blasphemer! |
| ____________________________ [Jul 2,2008 9:33am - mOe ""] pleasurecorpse said: ~carina~ said:what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... ugh, you're quite the hypocrite! You were SO 'offended' by the comment made about hating women - to then turn around blatantly call a chick a fatty ... wow. Did you just NEED an apology because you felt like the comment was directly insulting you or are you just an attention seeking whore like the rest? beat it, man |
| ___________________________________ [Jul 2,2008 9:37am - DYA / NLI ""] mOe said: pleasurecorpse said: ~carina~ said:what about the guy on here (well he used to be on here) cheated on his gf with a fattie and then his friends took pictures. apparently on her myspace she looked cute and different than in person... ugh, you're quite the hypocrite! You were SO 'offended' by the comment made about hating women - to then turn around blatantly call a chick a fatty ... wow. Did you just NEED an apology because you felt like the comment was directly insulting you or are you just an attention seeking whore like the rest? beat it, man [1st Verse] They Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here Don't Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear The Fire's In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear So Beat It, Just Beat It [2nd Verse] You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can Don't Wanna See No Blood, Don't Be A Macho Man You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It [3rd Verse] They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, Just Beat It [4th Verse] You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You, Then They'll Tell You It's Fair So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It [Chorus] Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Who's Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right [Chorus] Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Beat It, Beat It, Beat It |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 1:58am - RichHorror ""] Legendary thread. |
| _____________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 7:50am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] Hahahahahahahahaha, Phil, that last story has me crying! |
| __________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 10:28am - Conservationist ""] NoodleFace said:None of my stories are quite as comical as all of these. The only regrettable one was my first girlfriend that I banged. Even though we were both 18, it just sucked rotten ass. I was just railing her, but she wouldn't move at all. I tried to change positions but she flat out refused. It took me 1 hour to finish the job... 1 fucking hour, pun intended. Last time I saw her she ballooned up like a goddamn whale and was in a clinic for trying to kill herself. Attention ladies: If you know what your dad's/uncle's penis tastes like, you will end up like this. Seek help before you become sexually active. |
| ___________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 10:29am - brian_dc ""] I regret nothing |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 2:16pm - Aegathis ""] oh man, mark that hand job story was great, you left out what she looked like though in that original post so i got left with the assumption that you were running away from a handjob hottie. That made it a little more disturbing to me. |
| ___________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 2:22pm - dreadkill ""] phil's story is hilarious |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 3:10pm - Aegathis ""] I can think of one sorta regrettable encounter while i was on the european tour i did in the fall. Regrettable in the sense that it isnt really a wise decision to go to any ones house by yourself with people you just met and I knew this then just as much as I do now.... After we played in London we were told the bus call was gonna be 6 am, which means the bus leaves with or with out you. A bunch of us went to some club up the street from the venue which was full of people from the show. Me and the Grave guitarist started talking to these two fine young gals outside while were having a cigarrette. It was pretty obvious that one was a little more interested in me than the other after 10 mins, so i told her i was from the US playin in a band, and then listened to what ever she had to say for the next ten minutes till she said "lets get outa here, get a drink or something." I had to explain to her that I didnt have any money cause we didnt have time to change currencies that day, and I had to be back before 6 am. She kept ensuring me not to worry. We went back to her house via the local bus, which took quite a while, and considering where I was and how much i knew about London I started to worry more and more about getting back to the bus on time. We finally get to her house, rip off our clothes and what ensued for the next couple hours was enough to make me stop worrying about getting back to the tour bus for a little while. She walked me back to the "trolley" afterwards, halfway there i realize i forget my backstage pass for the tour at her house and started flippin out even more. I swear every girl wants to steal these things from ya, and this girl almost got away with it. I went back , got it, kissed her good buy got on the trolley and thankfully made it back with like not even ten minutes to spare. So yea the bangin part wasnt soo regrettable, minus all the teeth marks, giving her my phone number wasnt soo smart though as she has called me a few times since then. I am also not really the biggest fan of the brittish accent, especially on girls that have nothing but pointless annoying shit to talk about. And I felt bad about takin off with out really letting everyone knowing what i was doing, with the possibility of not makin it back on time. But in the end everything luckily worked out for everyone. |
| ______________________________ [Dec 23,2008 3:31pm - Yeti ""] that is quite an adventure. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:02pm - the_reverend ""] http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/06/27/104-girls-with-bangs/ anthony fucked monty python and her flying circus. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:03pm - RichHorror ""] The greatness of this thread made me realize how much the board sucks now. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:17pm - Aegathis ""] I just found this one last night when i when I was baked out of my skull. I couldnt stop laughing when i got to the part about Rich throwing the towel at the girls head. Phils adventure was quite entertaining as well. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:18pm - the_reverend ""] RichHorror said:The greatness of this thread made me realize how much the board sucks now. :~( get them back! |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 4:24pm - brian_dc ""] board complains about board being better in the past internet weeps |
| ________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 5:20pm - AndrewBastard ""] Anthony, what was her name? I nailed 2 different metal broads from London while over there one summer for fests. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 7:28pm - Aegathis ""] AndrewBastard said:Anthony, what was her name? I nailed 2 different metal broads from London while over there one summer for fests. She wasnt into Metal, just some girl random girl i met at the bar we went to while she was out with her friends. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 8:40pm - quintessence ""] Once at this party. I hooked up with some 20 year old college chick who was sort of into metal. Complete butterface, but I was really drunk....Anyway, bitch has her bottom lip pierced and she was TERRIBLE at giving head. Like I couldnt even stay hard because the metal on the inside of her bottom lip was scraping my dick like a rusty straight razor. Next thing I know she tries to stick her fingers in my ass. Like thats the key right there. That will fix everything. I don't think so..... Needless to say. I was like "Ok, its not gonna happen tonight , sorry I'm too drunk" I was almost bleeding and the next morning it hurt to touch it.....If I wasn't so drunk I probably wouldn't of ever gotten into that "regregful blowjob" situation. I was ready to do more, but that just killed it. Ugh... Great thread btw. I missed most of it the first time around. I was laughing out loud at 3am reading Rich's story. |
| ____________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 8:46pm - RichHorror ""] haha 'Sorry I'm too drunk' is my go-to move. I've used that while having a full erection, even. Rules. |
| __________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 8:50pm - Dankill ""] God, I missed this thread. |
| ______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 9:00pm - hyper_sludge ""] i fucked a bitch one night that was bigger than an industrial refrigerator. she kept on bumping into the one i had and she was moving it without effort. i didn't give a shit, she was the only female and i was getting my dinky stinky. i bring her up to my room, she flops on my bed, breaking it instantly, i hop on her and take off her pants, the smell that invaded my nostrils caused me to gag, but i held it down. i stuck my dick in her and touched her leg and i had a moment of clarity, she told me to kiss her, so i took my dick out, sat on her chest and fucked her mouth until i came, told her to get out of my house and never come back. she wound up sleeping outside with no pants on and wanted me to walk her to the bus stop in the morning. i pointed her in the wrong direction, opened another bottle of jack and drank away the memories. until now. |
| _____________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 9:43pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] hyper_sludge said:i fucked a bitch one night that was bigger than an industrial refrigerator. she kept on bumping into the one i had and she was moving it without effort. i didn't give a shit, she was the only female and i was getting my dinky stinky. i bring her up to my room, she flops on my bed, breaking it instantly, i hop on her and take off her pants, the smell that invaded my nostrils caused me to gag, but i held it down. i stuck my dick in her and touched her leg and i had a moment of clarity, she told me to kiss her, so i took my dick out, sat on her chest and fucked her mouth until i came, told her to get out of my house and never come back. she wound up sleeping outside with no pants on and wanted me to walk her to the bus stop in the morning. i pointed her in the wrong direction, opened another bottle of jack and drank away the memories. until now. Oooooh, so that's how you kiss a girl. |
| _________________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 9:48pm - Conservationist ""] http://1man1jar.com/ |
| _______________________________________ [Dec 23,2008 11:54pm - hyper_sludge ""] MarkFuckingRichards said: hyper_sludge said:i fucked a bitch one night that was bigger than an industrial refrigerator. she kept on bumping into the one i had and she was moving it without effort. i didn't give a shit, she was the only female and i was getting my dinky stinky. i bring her up to my room, she flops on my bed, breaking it instantly, i hop on her and take off her pants, the smell that invaded my nostrils caused me to gag, but i held it down. i stuck my dick in her and touched her leg and i had a moment of clarity, she told me to kiss her, so i took my dick out, sat on her chest and fucked her mouth until i came, told her to get out of my house and never come back. she wound up sleeping outside with no pants on and wanted me to walk her to the bus stop in the morning. i pointed her in the wrong direction, opened another bottle of jack and drank away the memories. until now. Oooooh, so that's how you kiss a girl. I wasn't putting my mouth on that thing, no way. Sitting on her was like sitting on a goddamn water bed. She must've had 300 pounds on me. |
| ___________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 5:21pm - Mr Crabs ""] IvoryAndSteel was a regrettable fist. Cottage cheese galoreeeeeeeeee!!!!! |
| _________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 5:41pm - brodown ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:haha goddamn. two things that should make every man wince in pain are hearing about/seeing someone get kicked in the balls or bending a hard-on. this wasn't regrettable by any means, but fucking scared me shitless... i decided to try trojan supras, the polyeurithane (sp?) ones because i was told it doesn't feel like you even have a condom on. as i was finishing i said, "damn, these really do make it feel like there's no condom." when i pulled out to clean up, the condom was torn to fucking shreds. the only part left on me was the ring with a few little shreds hanging off. i think i stood there for 5 minutes in complete awe. my girlfriend just laughed uncontrollably because she wanted to believe it was a joke. thank fucking god there was no pregnancy. after that, and getting the circulation cut off by regular condoms i just decided to go old school. pulling out is the only way to go. Super old thread is hilarious, and this exact thing happened to me 2 days ago. Morning after pill FTW |
| ____________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 5:43pm - RichHorror ""] This thread is still my greatest invention, two years later. |
| ____________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 6:01pm - narkywork ""] The most legendary thread on this board |
| _____________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 6:31pm - Dave_Maggot ""] replace the world regrettable with hilarious and that sums up 90% of my sex life |
| __________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:23pm - sinistas ""] TheFilthyFrenchman said:I managed to bang a thick heifer on our recent tour. So we played a house party in Richmond Va, and somebody had set up a crocodile mile. I watched as several chicks ran down it, and then noticed this land beast preparing to take the plunge. She worked up a good amount of momentum and her fat roles took on a life of their own. She hit the crocodile mile at a slightly wrong angle and began to drift. As she hit the dirt her titty popped out and she rolled on the ground. I decided right there that I had to bang her. The night progressed and after a little corn whiskey and watching her deep throat our water gun penis from dave’s pants, I convinced her to let me sleep in her room. I jump into her bed in my underwear, but her equally fat necked friend won’t get the fuck out. I entertain the idea of a threesome (which would have looked funny as hell seeing as they had me by about 300 lbs), but I didn’t want to get a broken bone on tour so I waited till her friend left. So I start to bang her and everything is going hilariously as planned. Let me say for the record that fat chicks have remarkable pussies as they don’t see sunlight all that often. Her titties and butthole were under a constant barrage of slaps and thumbs, and I couldn’t believe that I had never gone hoggin before. At some point around 4 am she makes me stop so she can go get a glass of water. She takes fucking forever and then comes back up eating not one, but two hot dogs. The utter lack of shame in that room was mind blowing. She finished one and a half, and then put the remaining half on her night stand remarking “Ill keep this one for later”. I’ve never been more aroused. I jump back on the baconator but she makes me stop again, citing some bullshit about a job. I decide the only thing left to do is to stand up on her bed and blow a load all over her side, which I did receiving only mild protest. When I saw her the next morning sobered up, I wanted to give myself a good old fashioned event horizon eye gouging. I wouldn’t say I regret it, but I can only thank Natural Ice for guiding me through my darkest hours. You're a legend, sir. |
| ______________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:28pm - the_reverend ""] his nipples is legend. |
| _________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:39pm - MikeOv ""] "The streams almost cross! Look out!!" Holy shit, that's hero status. |
| ______________________________________ [Oct 22,2009 8:39pm - swamplorddvm ""] Yes. One. |