Regrettable bangs?[views:63634][posts:338]_________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:47pm - this_is_heresy ""] dreadkill said:i wasn't blacked out when i was banging that girl. i was plowing her to darkthrone and i felt grim, so i said my favorite emperor song title. Sobriety quite possibly makes this even better. That was my anonymous post BTW. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:49pm - RichHorror ""] I need to go to more parties. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:53pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] you haven't partied until you've ruptured a sphincter...whether it is your own or someone else's. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:55pm - RichHorror ""] The first girl I attempted anal on still can't shit without being in pain. It's not a ruptured sphincter, but it's still cool. She told me exactly what it was, but I forget. Something like a severe tear in her wall of her anus, or something. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:56pm - Kevord ""] Did you at least send her a sorry I ripped your asshole card? |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 22,2007 11:57pm - RichHorror ""] No, I only laughed. I guess I am her regrettable bang. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:01am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] i once went out with a girl who did not like sex but loved being in pain. she said that she thought sex was gross, but i could punch her in the ass and slam her into walls, slap her in the face and yank her hair. she also had a kid, and i did not pursue. something tells me i should have, haha. someone on this board went out with her sister. that person has posted in this thread. i am now turning this into a game, haha. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:01am - RichHorror ""] You should PM me their identity. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:09am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] PM sent. you'll probably spill the beans anyway, YOU CRAZY FAGGOT! |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:13am - RichHorror ""] I won't, and am strangely unsurprised to learn his identity. |
| ______________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:15am - MarkFuckingRichards ""] hahaha. amazing. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:46am - Beorht-Dana ""] RichHorror said:If anyone's bangs have myspaces, post them or PM them to me so I can laugh heartily like a dragon. If I send you a link to my ex's myspace will you rape and kill her please? |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 12:54am - davefromthegrave ""] sure |
| _________________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:00am - the_taste_of_cigarettes ""] I thought this thread was going to be about my sister's haircut when she was 12 I was robbed, yo |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 1:03am - davefromthegrave ""] hey, this thread was the highlight of my evening. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 2:42am - SinisterMinister ""] Alright... Here it is. The ho that has the first Brutal No. 2 song written about her. Her name... Well. it's really unimportant. One night, after a long-winded party at my apartment, a drunken girl was waiting to be fucked. When I approached, she wondered about a ride homw. Upon hearing that I was the man of the house, she was flustered. Cue the nakedness... She's naked, on the corner of my bed giving me head. I then realize it's fucktime and throw her back. As O strap on my protection I notice a small spot on the exact corner she was sitting on.. No bother, I had plenty to drink to forget about that quickly enough. As I pound away, a certain smell fills the air. The essence of feces begins to fill my nostrils, and as I glance down at her thigh, I... Well, I.... Well, I saw a smear. Upon seeing it I was shocked, so shocked I let out a brief shrill cry. Realizing what was going on I turned the shrill into a fake orgasm. I then ran down to my bathroom and washed myself "Crying Game" style. The worst part was driving her home the next day. I'd say the funniest part was hearing my singer's very similar story... About the same exact girl. The song's name... "Felter Smellter." |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 2:54am - RichHorror ""] I knew you would have at least one story. The band that rails together stays together. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 2:59am - BornSoVile ""] Everyone tells me I should regret that broad in Ecuador who didn't speak English but whatever, it was a good learning experience. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:07am - anonymous ""] It's really gross when you blow a guy and he has dingleberries stuck in the hair on his ballsack. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:08am - RichHorror ""] Yet it's awesome if you're the guy. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:12am - anonymous ""] What if you're the guy sucking the guy with the dingleberries' dick? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:13am - RichHorror ""] Yeah... probably not so much. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:14am - RichHorror ""] Never suck this guy's dick. [img] |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:14am - SinisterMinister ""] Well here goes another. One night, with a girl I had met in real life but then picked up through myspace. She came back to my place after sushi(By the way, you wanna know a way into a girl's pants on the first date? Buy sushi. Nothing shows that not only are you cultural as hell but willing to shell out some bucks for the pussy.) It was magical. We made out for a bit and then time came to the pounding.(I only use this term to really emphasize what I do, i'm like a pneumatic drill.) As I hit it, I almost reach my threshold before I cap off the night, so in an effort to stop myself I pull out real quick. BIG MISTAKE. I had then unknowingly opened up the gates of hell. Well, if by hell I mean the craziest flow of female ejaculatory fluid I have ever seen/heard of/smelled. Wasn't so much as a spurt as a gargantuan flow. I gazed into her eyes with awe. She then looked down and said those eight words that I shall surely never forget. "Well, I guess I'm close to my period." I've thrown out the sheets and flipped my matress. But the stain remains the same. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:15am - RichHorror ""] This thread has also taught me that all women hate Griff's bedsheets. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:25am - SinisterMinister ""] Oh you want more? This is only a taste of my exploits, tune in for more, until then kids...Always remember to eat your vitamins. [img] |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:26am - RichHorror ""] I pray that means you fucked some broad with a bottle of Children's Chewables. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:28am - SinisterMinister ""] Close. I almost killed my at-the-tome girlfriend after I had freebased a full bottle of them shits. More....? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:39am - RichHorror ""] Clearly. |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 3:47am - SinisterMinister ""] In a position quite like the jackhammer position(clasping the thighs and pounding away...yes pounding once again). I was propped up on my knees. Real cute girl too, one of the first, and last times we had gotten down. I got excited and decided to come from my knees to laying down fully on my stomach in a missionary fashion. Her head well, it pivoted allowing her body to go up and over(very difficult to explain via keyboard.) Her neck coming within milimeters of shattering under both of our bodies, just about to snap and then... She let out a cry quickly enough for me to react. Another inch and I'd have killed her. I think we'd still get along if I had paid some attention and not tried to finish up so fast after I'd almost ended her life. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 8:35am - xmikex ""] So I'll tell this story in honor of Orgy since God only knows where this kid is to tell it himself. SO THE LEGEND GOES... he's chowing down on this girl (by which I mean the sexual act of cunnilingus and not actually eating this girl... if you've ever met Orgy you should know there's at least a couple reasons you need to clarify this). And all of a sudden he feels a crunching sensation in his mouth. Obviously not right. So he runs to the sink and starts spitting like a madman. He looks down in the sink and staring up at him is a pretty sizable bug laying there with it's legs kicking in the air. I don't know weather he puked, ran out of there, or went back to work, but his nickname after that was Captain Crunch. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:10am - SteveOTB ""] In my highschool years I was friends with this girl and let me tell you she was a beast. Was atleast 5' 10" and had to weight 250+ and at the time I was like 5'8" 150lbs. So we're watching tv and I'm just kindof propped back and she starts reaching for me and undoing my pants so I said "eh whatever, fat chicks give good head" so she started giving me head and it was terrible. She didn't know what she was doing, she wanted to be with me and I wasn't having it what so ever. So next day I told her it was a mistake and I didn't want to be with her at all. She cried about it and all her friends were like "Steve you did the right thing, she was too obsessed with you". Another time I was at my friend's house hanging out and I was crashing there for the night because it was in RI and I'm from the border of NH so there was no way I was driving home that late at night. Anyway we're sharing her bed and my intensions were clearly sleeping because she had a massive bed I'm pretty sure for her massive body. Few weeks prior she was telling me about this thing called "keggels" which is like flexing the vag muscle. She was drunk so she decided she wanted to show me, so I said alright fine. I went in, didn't feel a thing because she clearly sucked at it she asked" do you want to" so I said while I'm in I might as well so I started to fuck her. She wanted me to kiss her but I wasn't having that, I was disgusted enough to begin with. She couldn't finish me off so for the remainder she gave me head until I did which was absolutely amazing and I still consider in my top 5 blow jobs so something good came out of it atleast. I've had plenty of questionable hook ups. It's the majority of my sexual experiences actually. I think I've only had sex with 2 girls I was proud of banging. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:13am - RichHorror ""] I am pleased at the level of hatred towards women on this board. The refusal to kiss during a bang is especially awesome. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:16am - Messerschmitt ""] i regret every bang because i end up with the chick forever |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:18am - Messerschmitt ""] strip clubs and hookers are the way to go if you don't want a fucking headache |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:24am - aaron_michael ""] drinking way too much, blacking out, waking up next to someone when you're both naked, and finding the nights events on your digital camera is priceless. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:34am - Yeti ""] yeah i fucked this dumpy chick one time, she was pretty but man was she dumpy. she had one normal looking boob and the other looked like its down syndrome sister. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:35am - Spaldino@werk ""] not exactly a "regrettable" thing... but the coolest thing ever said to me during/after the fact is "it feels like there's a football in my vagina". god i rule. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:37am - xmikex ""] Yeti said:yeah i fucked this dumpy chick one time, she was pretty but man was she dumpy. she had one normal looking boob and the other looked like its down syndrome sister. Did it call you "Quaid" and tell you to "start the reactor"? just sayin, it might explain a few things |
| _______________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:39am - Yeti ""] hahahaha her vag however did share a striking resemblance to Kuato. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:53am - Granny_Monster ""] These tales and more should be comprised in a book. The book should be called "Regrettable Bangs" and should have pictures to correspond to each story. Rich, make it happen. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:57am - SteveOTB ""] I'm gonna have to say though that my most regretable bang was fucking a girl who was with enough guys for Jenna Jameson to say "jesus slow down". However she did tell me I was #2 out of all the guys she's been with so I can live with that. Thank god I wore a condom. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 10:59am - SteveOTB ""] RichHorror said:I am pleased at the level of hatred towards women on this board. The refusal to kiss during a bang is especially awesome. By the way I genuinely hate the whole female race. They do nothing but cause me problems. My new side project will consist of lyrics purely towards my disgust for that gender. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:09am - ~carina~ ""] so you fuck pigs and hate women? fuck you... |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:09am - Beorht-Dana ""] Reading this thread while eating oatmeal and a glass of orange juice was a bad idea. I feel ill. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:10am - ~carina~ ""] ps to sinister minister, good stories, i hope to read more! |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:13am - SteveOTB ""] ~carina~ said:so you fuck pigs and hate women? fuck you... I only hate women for the constant shit they put me through. If they didn't put me through such hell then I wouldn't hate them at all, I'd love them. But until they start treating me better I refuse to like them. Let me elaborate a little. I was brought up to have respect for women and treat them like ladies which I did. But when I did they would constantly walk all over me and treat me as if I was nothing. I'm always lied to, they play games with my head, they cheat on me, or just completely abandon me. I was nothing but nice to that whole gender for years and years years but then they kindof pushed me too far. I've lost all trust and respect in women for those ones who treated me like that. You may say it's not fair but I've yet to meet one girl who hasn't done that shit to me. How am I supposed to act after years of that shit? |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:19am - ~carina~ ""] Well when i read that you genuinely hate the female race..that was pretty insulting to me. I'm sorry that you haven't met the right person yet, we're not all bad and we're not all crazy..ok ok maybe we are all crazy but to different degrees. =) |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:25am - xmikex ""] Somebody from this board should hook up with a Craigslist personals lady just to add another story to this thread. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 23,2007 11:26am - xmikex ""] This lady looks like Robert Duvall [img] |