Regrettable bangs?[views:63751][posts:338]________________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 10:02am - Messerschmitt ""] [img] |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 25,2007 11:20pm - DREADkill ""] xmikex said:I can't quote it exact obviously, but at one point he says "Now Ray and Egon are sneaking up behind you to blast your pasty ass." that was my favorite thing ever when i first read it. i like the when the guy says "i put on my robe and wizard hat." |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 5:02am - RTTP_SWAT_TEAM ""] [img] |
| __________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 6:41am - thegreatspaldino ""] the_reverend said:[img] i almost want to trade in my eyes after seeing that one. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 2:41pm - xmikex ""] the_reverend said:[img] mommy mommy the rhino's getting too close to the car |
| ______________________________ [Jan 26,2007 2:53pm - Lamp ""] DREADkill said:that was my favorite thing ever when i first read it. i like the when the guy says "i put on my robe and wizard hat." Bloodninja is great. http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:05pm - aaron_michael ""] I once slept with a married woman from CT. needless to say, I laughed at all of her stupid kid's jokes. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:18pm - nsnholmes ""] after having read that entire thread, i feel obligated to contribute at least something. nothing earth shattering, but.. about 5 or 6 years ago i met this chick off of craigslist. she said she was about 5'11 and had done some modeling in california and was around somerville just for the summer. we met up by a t stop and she was actually attractive, but she was more like 6'3 (i'm about 6'), which officially classifies her as a giant. we went to a bar and she insisted on making out after only a couple drinks. at some point i think i spilled a beer on her, and i was amazed when she didn't care at all. she came back to my place, but i didn't bang her because it was all too easy, so i wondered what kind of shit might be crawling from her crevace. we hung out again and she's in my bed and wants to fuck, so ok, let's go. she takes off her bra and she has probably the ugliest, saggiest tits i've ever seen. she then decides it's a good time to explain that she had boob REDUCTION surgery -- the desire to fuck her quickly vanished. it seriously looked like she had received a boob transplant from an 80 year old. point 1: having to look UP to kiss a chick is particularly emasculating. point 2: breast reduction surgery should be outlawed. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:26pm - ariavette ""] i dunno .. i think in some cases it is quite necessary... there is this chick here at my work prolly like 5 ft tall.. with the biggest tit's i have ever seen.. she's not even attractive at all actually.. but you can't help but stare.. like.. how are you not falling over right now.. they should be taken down.. .for the safety of others... |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:33pm - Granny_Monster ""] I know girls who've had it done and they look great! Either she went to a shitty doctor, or was lying to make up for the fact that her tits are shitty. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:35pm - Spaldino@werk ""] i wanna meet wicked tall broads |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:36pm - Granny_Monster ""] Lamp said:DREADkill said:that was my favorite thing ever when i first read it. i like the when the guy says "i put on my robe and wizard hat." Bloodninja is great. http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm Fucking hilarious! |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:40pm - nsnholmes ""] is it possible for the boob region to age 4x faster than the rest of the body? haha |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:43pm - the_reverend ""] carina had hers reduced. I believe they have grown more massive than before! |
| _________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:44pm - mcmahon ""] ariavette said:i dunno .. i think in some cases it is quite necessary... there is this chick here at my work prolly like 5 ft tall.. with the biggest tit's i have ever seen.. she's not even attractive at all actually.. but you can't help but stare.. like.. how are you not falling over right now.. they should be taken down.. .for the safety of others... it's true, she was a walking freak show. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 3:45pm - mcmahon ""] fuck, wrong quote. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 4:00pm - nsnholmes ""] another story. unfortunately i wasn't around when this went down, so i'm sure i'm missing some interesting details. my friend at college was obsessed with hot or not. he arranged to meet this girl, and apparently she showed up and looked nothing like the pictures she claimed were hers. instead of being a petite brunette, she was a tall beastly blonde. i don't know if it was because he felt bad or he really needed some action (or both), but he hung out with her anyway. that night, after plenty of booze i'm sure, he was messing around with her, and, I quote from him, "I start to put my finger in, and I'm like, 'What the fuck is that?'" a tampon string. she just let him go for it, no warning or anything, haha. and later on when they were sleeping, he woke up to her trying to yank his crank. i think at that point he moved to sleep on the floor. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 4:04pm - succubus ""] Jan 26,2007 3:33pm - Granny_Monster] I know girls who've had it done and they look great! Either she went to a shitty doctor, or was lying to make up for the fact that her tits are shitty. ~~~ exactly! |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 5:15pm - miscegenator ""] Apparently, too much breast weight can fuck up your back and get you into Yiddisch porn, so get 'em reduced, you top heavy girls. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 9:19pm - iren_the_viking ""] i took shrooms and banged a fat chick once, i dont know why i did it, but i did it. i guess i was curious, i had never been with a girl that weighed more than me...some people like fat chicks, and im glad i found out i was not one of those people. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 10:31pm - RichHorror ""] Tyler Murphy, Fat Chick Thrilla. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 10:48pm - the_reverend ""] and that fat chick became.. you guessed it, rich horror. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 11:24pm - RichHorror ""] Tyler wishes he could get some of this. |
| _______________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 11:47pm - the_reverend ""] well, there is enoug to go around |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 26,2007 11:54pm - ConquerTheBaphomet ""] I have a drunk fat chick story but I'm not telling. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 27,2007 12:22am - Lamp ""] Hahaha, you actually told people on here you have a fat chick story so people would pay attention to you and try and get you to talk about your story so that way when you did actually tell it, it would get more attention and seem more dramatic to the untrained eye, hahahahahaha. |
| _________________________________ [Jan 27,2007 12:28am - Kevord ""] Everyone's had a couple of fatty's. They can't all be winners kid. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 27,2007 12:58am - Dar ""] Kevord said:Everyone's had a couple of fatty's. They can't all be winners kid. Lemmy really put it best with "I never went to bed with an ugly girl, but I've woken up with a few" that quote (even if I did butcher it, dunno) will stay with me forever |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 27,2007 8:50pm - mishylaroo ""] fetal position. weeping. |
| ____________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 2:23am - RichHorror ""] Shut up. |
| _________________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 7:48am - babyshaker nli ""] a buddy of mine had a simlilar story to that thing in the vagina. he was eating out the large broad when we where about 16 he said he felt a slight crunch and he felt somthing lodge in his braces he picked it out and said it looks like someone had take the shell off of an m&m and stuck it in her pussy....the worst part is...well i'll let you guess what somthing that looks like that would taste like....he said when he looked up at her with a "what the fuck face" she just started giggling liek it was funny...i woulda shoved the "M&M" back in her mouth if that was me |
| _________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 8:35am - Mackey ""] One time I went to a show in Meriden, CT at some place and me and this girl I wanted to bang ate an 1/8th of shrooms at the show. Florida=Death was playing which was fucking amazing tripping... but anyways, I get back to her place still tripping balls and we start getting naked and what the fuck is this? She had one awesome looking perfectly shaped breast... it was the right one cause I will never forget that but her left knocker, looked like a 2 week old balloon where the air had slowly escaped. Quite possibly the oddest thing I have ever seen. I was tripping my ass of so I banged her anyways, and a few times later that week. The image of that breast is permently cemented into my mind for the rest of my life. |
| ____________________________________________ [Jan 29,2007 7:13pm - ConquerTheBaphomet ""] Lamp said:Hahaha, you actually told people on here you have a fat chick story so people would pay attention to you and try and get you to talk about your story so that way when you did actually tell it, it would get more attention and seem more dramatic to the untrained eye, hahahahahaha. You don't understand sarcasm. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 4:51pm - RichHorror ""] TOP 4 corpus |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 5:43pm - DestroyYouAlot ""] Not quite regrettable (I REGRET NOTHING), but it seems to fit the tone, here. Very many years ago, so don't grill me on the details. Spent a week out of town, I honestly don't remember where, but somewhere with no shower facilities. Came back to Boston. We don't have hot water in my apartment at the time (or a fucking phone, even), and it's winter, so fuck taking a shower at my place. Myself and the roommates attempt to go to some show upstairs at the Middle East, but it's sold out, like fire marshall getting called sold out. One roommate knows the guy at the door, who lets us into the downstairs show - some gawdawful ska show. Lots of wacky ska girls everywhere. I'm minding my own business, when through the several beers it dawns on me that I'm getting seriously hit on by this one girl. She's... well, she's a little rounder than I usually like, and I likes 'em thick. And her personality is... well, I'm sure she was a nice girl. However, it does come up in conversation that a) she lives at a dorm, where there is b) a shower, c) laundry, and d) a breakfast buffet. I'M FUCKING THERE. Long story short, 1 mildly awkward sexual encounter in the TV room with the doors barricaded (where she actually performed carnal acts on me but refused reciprocation I would've been perfectly willing to engage in - deal's a deal, after all) bought me a shower, a pair of borrowed windpants to wear while my crusty-ass clothes are in the laundry, and all the cafeteria food I can eat. I AM A MAN-WHORE EXTRAORDINAIRE. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 5:45pm - the_reverend ""] rich horror. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 5:47pm - the_reverend ""] rusted angel? wutthafuc |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 6:49pm - sinistas ""] Epic thread is epic. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 27,2008 7:45pm - yummy ""] I was unemployed and had no monies to do anything nor did I have any desire to. A friend said let's go to the bar, shoot some racks and I'll buy the beers. cool. I hadn't shaved for about 3 weeks nor showered in about a week. We get to the bar. After a couple pitchers and a few games of pool I'm talking to this girl playing next to us. Very cute. She said her and her boyfriend had been watching me and that he wanted to play me. I crushed him. He only got one shot the whole game and that was the break. I'm actually not that good anymore. anywho. He said I was lucky and suggested we play for money. I had none. My friend said he'd throw down and if I won I got the next pitcher. ok. what if I lose? you won't, he said. ok. I'm pullin masse shots out my ass and sinkin em. I win. Kid says double or nothing. ok. I beat him. He got really pissed and stormed out because his girlfriend was rootin for me (I guess I would have been too). He leaves. Yay! I have money. I thank the girl for convincing me to play her boyfriend and I buy her a drink. A few more drinks deep, we're outside smoking. I'm getting the "fuck me" eyes from her. All I had for dinner was beer and cigarettes so I had super dry mouth-dehydration. So, before anything could happen I tell her I'm goin to my car to get gum then I'm leaving soon. I grab the gum and put a piece in my mouth. I get out of my car and she's standing on the passenger side. She opens my door and gets in (which I thought was weird cuz I always lock my doors). whatever. All I'm thinking is, if you needed a ride you could have just asked.wtf. She says, are you getting in. I didn't answer, I just got in. Immediately upon getting in my car, her hand goes straight for my junk. HI.and you are? I got no more than 5 seconds of a kiss and head goes down. I stunk really bad. Hence the non showering. I smelled it. I don't see how she didn't. As I came in her mouth she did like a cough-sneeze and my babies shot out her nose. You haven't lived till you've seen that expression on someone's face. We get out I fix my shit and we go back into the bar. She said she worked at TGIFridays and I said I hate that place and left. Never got her name or number. But I did win $40 bucks, drank all night, and got a hummer. Not sure why I went this in depth especially seeing as the thread title is regrettable bangs. I didn't bang her but I also don't regret a thing. About a year ago I saw her boyfriend and played him again. He beat me. But, I felt like I won. |
| ______________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 8:23pm - TearsofGods ""] I met this girl last Sat. and spent the night at her house and pretty much fucked her all night and deep into late Sun. night when I had to leave. The first few times I hit that shit I wore a rubber but one time I yanked it out and the shit was SHREDDED like a motherfucker. Since then, I've been raw doggin' it - including last night when I fucked her from like 9pm to about 245am. I don't regret fuckin' her because she is hotter than a chilie fart, but, I kind of wish I did't have to end up bare backin' her because my dick is itchy now and is starting to smell funny. True story. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 8:50pm - unholy_dave ""] fuck eric stoltz, that right there is The Greatest Story Ever Told. why didn't you ever tell me that? |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 9:04pm - bradmann ""] this fat chick from high school. i ran into her at an ice cream stand and we hung out a few days later. got drunk in my basement watching something or other, and when she pulled out her tits her nipples were inverted. my dick was kind of rubbery after that, not to mention her vag was dry as a bone from the booze and i hit it with no rubber. she said she was on the pill so i busted inside her but who knows if that was true and i erased her number after that so i may have a kid/abortion floatin around out there. |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2008 9:06pm - bradmann ""] also yummy's story was good. in a similar vein, my friend was getting head in his car from this girl he met at a party once. she stopped at one point and told him she can deep throat so he pushed her head down (i guess a little too fast), she gagged and puked all over his crotch and his car. she has been known endearingly as Puke Chick ever since. |
| _______________________________ [Jun 28,2008 1:44am - yummy ""] Sorry Dave. I think I just try to tell you the stories that I am MOST proud of. Which usually have nothing to do with girls. The friend was Adam. |
| _________________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 8:57am - ellesauruswork ""] succubus said:i thought this was going to be about cutting bangs after growing out your hair and then regretting it i just loled about this one.. then all the ladies wanted ot know why i was laughing so i made them read rich's post.. hahaha now there's a regrettable bang discuss amongst the work crew. so good.. my only regret is banging baby daddy at the beginning of this year.. unsatisfying and akward. |
| ________________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 9:30am - DestroyYouAlot ""] ellesauruswork said: succubus said:i thought this was going to be about cutting bangs after growing out your hair and then regretting it i just loled about this one.. then all the ladies wanted ot know why i was laughing so i made them read rich's post.. hahaha now there's a regrettable bang discuss amongst the work crew. so good.. my only regret is banging baby daddy at the beginning of this year.. unsatisfying and akward. For those of you who don't know, this is Baby Daddy: [img] Baby pimpin' ain't easy, y'know. SKEET SKEET SKEET |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 3:16pm - unholy_dave ""] yummy said:Sorry Dave. I think I just try to tell you the stories that I am MOST proud of. exactly why you should have told me. |
| _________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 7:35pm - Martins ""] Oh dear lord. I don't have any (regrettable) bang stories but I do have a shitty hand job story. Possibly the shittiest beyond the fact that it's a hand job story. It also involves shitty-tasting women. Let me start with the back story because it's weird. I went on a cruise with my family once and met this chick from Seattle. After the cruise, we communicate via AIM and the internet and she introduces me to some of her friends that way. A few years later (this past year), i find out that one of those friends is going to school in Worcester. I invite her up to Northeastern to hang out and watch a movie. We get back to my room (I was in a single which was sweet) and we put on Pan's Labyrinth (fucking sweet movie). Somehow, we end up in the gayest tickle fight ever. Eventually we start making out and she's completely naked. Meh. Not bad but definitely not good. HUGE TITS, though. So she starts jacking me off all shitty. I can't even get hard. I'm trying to reposition myself so that maybe she jacks me off better. Doesn't work. She starts rubbing my dick on the inside of her leg (we were lying side by side, making out). Doesn't really work. She grabs my dick like one of those bomb buttons that evil villains push before wicked explosions and starts rubbing the tip of mah thang with her thumb. I CAN NOT GET HARD. I'm like okay whatever this sucks. I ask her if I can eat her out and she's like go ahead. I go down and start licking and realize that her flesh lettuce is spoiled. I say "Fuck THAT shit" and commence making out again before she can respond. In a bit, I ask her to give me head. She says she didn't even give her ex-boyfriend head. Whatever. In a bit, I asked her again. Same thing. So I get up on top of her, and start jacking off my limp-ass dick. It eventually works and jizz the least-pleasing jizz on her chest. 2 roper. It blew. I get a paper towel, wipe off my dick, and wipe the jizz off her chest. She gets off the bed and starts putting clothes on. I take the bedsheets off and say, "I needed to clean the sheets anyway." So, I walk her to the train station and she goes back. Really awkward and regrettable right? Haha, that night I go to jack off and I see a red spot on my tip. What the hell? I hold off the pleasure and put it away. Next morning, it's all scabbed up and I can barely walk without feeling the pain. Following this incident, I started dating a different girl who would only give handjobs. After a month or so of decent handjobs and two great ones (as far as handjobs go), I dump her ass when she refuses to give me head. Made her feel shitty for 2 months. Next dude, I hope she gives head to. |
| ____________________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 9:45pm - TheFilthyFrenchman ""] I managed to bang a thick heifer on our recent tour. So we played a house party in Richmond Va, and somebody had set up a crocodile mile. I watched as several chicks ran down it, and then noticed this land beast preparing to take the plunge. She worked up a good amount of momentum and her fat roles took on a life of their own. She hit the crocodile mile at a slightly wrong angle and began to drift. As she hit the dirt her titty popped out and she rolled on the ground. I decided right there that I had to bang her. The night progressed and after a little corn whiskey and watching her deep throat our water gun penis from dave’s pants, I convinced her to let me sleep in her room. I jump into her bed in my underwear, but her equally fat necked friend won’t get the fuck out. I entertain the idea of a threesome (which would have looked funny as hell seeing as they had me by about 300 lbs), but I didn’t want to get a broken bone on tour so I waited till her friend left. So I start to bang her and everything is going hilariously as planned. Let me say for the record that fat chicks have remarkable pussies as they don’t see sunlight all that often. Her titties and butthole were under a constant barrage of slaps and thumbs, and I couldn’t believe that I had never gone hoggin before. At some point around 4 am she makes me stop so she can go get a glass of water. She takes fucking forever and then comes back up eating not one, but two hot dogs. The utter lack of shame in that room was mind blowing. She finished one and a half, and then put the remaining half on her night stand remarking “Ill keep this one for later”. I’ve never been more aroused. I jump back on the baconator but she makes me stop again, citing some bullshit about a job. I decide the only thing left to do is to stand up on her bed and blow a load all over her side, which I did receiving only mild protest. When I saw her the next morning sobered up, I wanted to give myself a good old fashioned event horizon eye gouging. I wouldn’t say I regret it, but I can only thank Natural Ice for guiding me through my darkest hours. |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 28,2008 10:33pm - RichHorror ""] This is why I'm sad our two bands don't play more shows together, Phil. |